Great Scott, I read some of your posts and realize that my problems are very insignificant.  As a single mother for 6 years, I was just tonight thinking to myself that I have got to find a husband soon !! My yard needs attention, my car needs a good cleaning, my air filter needs to be changed again...will it never end !!!  In addition to this, all of the other household stuff needs to be done...the laundry, dusting, the floors, my daughter's room, vacuuming, it's never ending !!!!!!!!!!! 

 I also am the sole parental figure for my beloved 11 year old...she's the sole reason for my existence, but also for my dirty kitchen floor !!!  I cherise the time we are spending together.

As an abused wife for over 20 years, I am relishing my independence.  At the same time, I am thinking....how do all of those happily married women find men that are "partners" in life ???

Tonight, my daughter rode up to the house with her bicycle chain off....I couldn't do it tonight, but I will definitely figure it out tomorrow...I fixed my own sink leak last week and topped off my car fluids...so, it's not impossible, just something I wish I didn't have to do !!!!!!!!!!!! 

 Is there anyone else going thru this, OR , is everyone else happily married ????

 

 

 

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lilyb...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 9:48 PM hello - my name is Lily, and I've been the sole parent of AJ (boy - almost 18) for 15 years now.  I was thinking similar thoughts regarding other mom's difficulties - I have a lot of burden being a single parent, but when I compare situations like children who are sick, or moms that stay with an abuser, I know that I have a lot to be thankful for.  Sometimes doing the "man" things for myself gives me a lot of pride - like I know that even though I wish that someone would be in my life to help, I can handle ANYTHING -  I wish you great luck & happiness

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FlyMom07
Feb. 2, 2008 at 9:50 PM Honey, let me tell ya...You've got less of a mess and less to do without a man mucking it up. Men create more laundry, leave messes all over, eat a mountain of food they expect you to cook. Unless you are really desperate for sex and companionship I'd leave well enough alone. To expect that you would have more things fixed around the house than you would end up fixing because a man was there is... well...um...every woman's dream... er...Hallucination.

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Wendy610
Feb. 2, 2008 at 9:52 PM

I read your post.  God bless you dear.  You are a wonderful example to your daughter. 

I believe that women are certainly capable to do anything, even fix that bicycle chain. 

For your is anyone else going through this - Yes, I have family members, friends, etc. who have gone or are going through the end of marriages.  I have a good friend who thought she was a happy SAHM to her daughter 2 yrs. ago, until her husband left her for another woman.  My friend is keeping it together, working hard to show her daughter that Mommy can do anything.  And now after 2 yrs. she is just dipping her toes into dating again.  But, whoever the man is that wins her heart, will have to go through hoops of fire to prove he is worthy of her and her precious child.

For myself.  I had a relationship that ended badly in my 20's.  And I basically threw myself into my career for 11 years.  I didn't date a single man(FOR 11 YEARS!!!) until I met my husband.  I was married at 35, and had my 1st child at 38.  I think I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted my life to be like.  It helped me to make what I think is the right choice in a husband.  Who, in addition to being a really kind person, cooks, cleans, fixes things around the house, and changes diapers!!!

I think we don't necessarily need men, but the good ones are worth having in our lives.  It sounds to me like you are a great Mom regardless.  Congrats.

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chell...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 9:52 PM Please don't think having a man in your life, is going to fulfill the void.  Just because you are married doesn't mean your husband is going to do all those stereotypically manly chores. that men are supposed to do.

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p2of9
Feb. 2, 2008 at 9:55 PM

I was a single parent for YEARS before I got married.  My husband is no picnic, believe me.  He's got a lot of good points, but I'm on here griping about him all the time.  I don't think ANY marriage is perfect or easy.  I figure, finding the right guy is more about finding someone who you can put up with, than finding some knight in shining armor. 

Anyway, my theory is, if you've you don't have money problems or man problems to deal with, you end up with health problems that are far worse.  Maybe it's not strictly true, but it makes me feel better about the hand I dealt myself.

Anyone who says they're happy all the time is either medicated or lying.  I'm mostly happy, but that's DESPITE my problems, not because I don't have any.  I'm just blessed with an optimistic personality.

As for the household stuff, you can HAVE my husband.  (Ba dum dum) 

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mom.u...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 9:55 PM

I agree, it's not easy, but not the hardest thing to go thru either.  All it takes is an evening of reading other women's stories...it makes me realize that my "problems" are insignificant and motivates me to do something with what i've got !!!

At times though, when it seems like everything is going wrong, i question myself....

tomorrow, I will get up, change the air filter, clean the floors, do the yard, enjoy my daughter, and everything will be right. (after my abusive marriage, this is all good !!!)

by the way, my saving grace has always been my sense of humor...i know that i don't "need" a "husband" !!  a sense of humor, unfortunately does not translate in writing !!!  i need to remember that.

i didn't always think i would be ok on my own, but i am !!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

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Perpe...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 9:59 PM

I did the single parenting with one child. I was married, and then I single parented two kids. Now I'm with my SO and I'm still single parenting. ( Being older, they respect him but he leaves discipline, etc to me). The things I learned as a single mom - the leaks, bike chains, how to find a reputable serviceperson for things I just couldn't do - are still things I use today. My sweetie "helps", but like FlyMom says,  I'm not getting more fixed than I could do on my own.

Example: we had a water leak in the kitchen ceiling Sept 2005. Folk came out and fixed the leak, but repairing the ceiling was extra. I figured, drywall, spackle and paint? No problem. Well, the drywall is up. And..... the drywall is up, 2 years later!!!! It's not a gaping hole in my kitchen ceiling, but ...... you know what I mean. :)  Enjoy the time with your daughter. You're teaching her more than you know with your self-reliance. Kudos to you!!

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mom.u...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 10:05 PM

thanks for the support !!  most of the time i feel like the bionic woman (lacking some of the vitamin/prozac supplements...) sometimes, like today, i have an "off" day,  where it seems everything goes wrong !!!   i start making a simple list of things i need to do, and it turns into an 850 page of necessary things to do to survive !!!!!!!!

everyone i know is either married, or has been in a successful relationship for 100 years or more.  (her words, not mine...). 

it's nice to hear from married and unmarried that things aren't always what they seem.... 

 

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