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Question: Dump my friend?

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Yes! She's no good.

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Ok, I have an issue with a friend (Crystal). She and I have been friends for about 8 years and at one time I considered her my best friend....she was even my maid of honor! Our husbands are also best friends. We decided to try to get pregnant at the same time and she got pregnant before me. It affected me more than I thought it would....I was happy for her, but thinking "why haven't I gotten pregnant yet?" When she told me, we were all out at a bar and I immediately hugged her and said "I am so happy for you!" It then sunk in that I was NOT pregnant and I was overwhelmed with sadness and excused myself to the bathroom, where I called my sister sobbing. I went back to the table about 10 min. later and we carried on normally. I then saw a friend I hadn't seen in years and did some shots with her and we got pretty drunk and had a great time reminiscing about old times.....it was just what I needed!

Well, I got pregnant about 2 months later and Crystal and I were still talking, but she was being kind of weird towards me. I thought that when we were both pregnant it would be so great....we would share things and compare notes etc. Yeah, none of that. Crystal almost seemed to be in denial that she was pregnant. She never talked about anything related to her pregnancy or confided in me....she was sort of pulling way from me. I felt very hurt and wondered what was up. Things finally came to a head, when I called her out and asked her why she was being so weird. She said that she was pissed at me for that night she told me that she was pregnant... that I was not happy for her. BULLSHIT. I said that is so not true! I hugged you immediately and squealed I am so happy for you!!! Not sure how that isn't happy for someone, but whatever. Since that had happened months ago, I asked her why she hadn't said anything to me before now if it was bothering her so much. Her response was, "well, we all know how you like to blow things out of proportion and I didn't want to get you upset and have you miscarry." WTF??? I was so pissed off. She also implied that she thought I had told people way too early that I was pregnant..."you're not supposed to tell anyone until you are 3 months or so" is what she said. Uh, yeah, I do whatever the hell I want....it's MY decision, not hers.  We screamed at each other for about 30 minutes, but she was being a complete bitch and thinking that she doing nothing wrong. I eventually said, whatever, and decided to let it go and things went back to "normal".

So now her daughter is a year and Abby is 9 months. We hardly see each other, but still get together occasionally. We also have a mutual friend named Rachel (who has a 5 month old son), who used to call me frequently, but she and Crystal do things together without me now. After the birth of my daughter, I had very bad post-partum depression, which neither one of them had to deal with. Well, instead of being there for me, they avoided me. They went on do things together and not call me. Crystal even had her daughter's baptism and named Rachel the godmother and didn't even invite me to ceremony. I'm not Catholic, but I would have liked to have been there!!!

In Jan. I sent an email to Crystal, Rachel and another friend of ours, Kate (who has a daughter a week older than Abby), and said that one of my resolutions in 2008 was to reconnect with my friends and I proposed a "Girls' Night" with no babies and no guys, just the girls at dinner, catching up with each other once a month. Everyone liked the idea and we had our first one a few weeks ago. Well, Crystal and Rachel came together and made references to things they had done recently together, which I was not included in. I was very hurt. I had also sent out Christmas cards to all of my friends and only got one from Kate. Crystal brought a card to me at this girls' dinner and said "I didn't know your new address"(we moved in August).  Um, ok, it's not like you haven't been over here!?! Rachel never sent one and was oddly quiet when Crystal gave me the card. I felt like it was not really genuine. It was weird.

The most recent thing that happened was a few days ago. Kate sent an email to us all that was one of those friendship poem things, but it was more like...."when you get drunk, I'll hold your hair back", When you beergoggle, I'll make fun of you" and smart-ass stuff like that. It was funny and at the end of the poem it said something like this poem gives you a warm feeling kinda like peeing in your pants. Well, Crystal responded to it and copied everyone and said "Well I wouldn't know about the peeing my pants things...just what Steph has told me." WTF??? Where did THAT come from??? So, I replied to all and said,  "By the way, I have never actually peed my pants, just threatened it :)" Why would she say something like that? It was so mean for no reason. So grade school.

I don't understand what I have done to make her act like this towards me, but I am sick of her. I tend to give people too many chances..I want to believe that people will change, when they don't.  I am tired of having her treat me like this....which is one of the reasons I joined Cafe Mom, to make new friends.

It's hard, because her husband and mine are best friends, so I can't just cut ties....they still want to see each other. They do things together by themselves, but the group things still come up. If I beg out, I'll be seen as a bitch, but I don't want to subject myself to her meanness.

Any comments, suggestions, advice?

Thanks for reading....I know it was long! :) 

 

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Comments:

bvona
Feb. 2, 2008 at 10:37 PM sounds like she needs to grow up. I have had similar issues in the past and I realized that as a mother and a wife, I had no room in my head for trivial concerns of old friends. friends are supposed to lift you up and make you feel good inside. She's not doing that, so she's not a friend. Move on, she'll probably come around when she grows up

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Sylbr...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 10:39 PM

 Let your hubby have his friend, its not his fault she is a b.

Dump her, I am sure you have better friends than that.  Maybe she is jealous of you or something.  I don't know. 

Start hanging out with a different new friend and make her jealous when these group things come up.

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fairy...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 10:40 PM If it were me, I'd confide in my husband, asking him to keep it to himself, and tell him that it's fine with me that he and her husband remain friends, but it has been made clear to you that your friendship with her is over. And then I would not attend the group stuff. It's not like you are the one distancing yourself, that has already been done to you. I wouldn't worry about being seen as a bitch, either. You have done all you can. If she wants a friendship with you, the ball is in her court. If not, you can move on and not feel hurt all the time. Best wishes!!!

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usiae...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 10:42 PM I can tell you what...I would be called a bitch because I would NOT allow anyone to treat me that way...I would stay away from them. Your hubby can still remain friends with the other hubbies. You do not deserve that treatment. Who needs enemies with friends like that?? Hun dont take that treatment from anyone. Kinda like high school stuff.

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Kari777
Feb. 3, 2008 at 9:50 AM

Wow - sounds like high school drama to me. I think it would be hard to dump her, since the hubbies are friends. Just don't make an effort towards her anymore. Don't put any more work into the friendship. I'm going through some drama with a friend (well, now ex-friend) myself. I finally decided it's not worth my time to worry if she is or isn't my friend. Life is too short. Your quote below is totally me. We should go out to dinner and chat :o)  I'm sorry you're going through this. It suck to lose someone you thought was your friend.

I tend to give people too many chances..I want to believe that people will change, when they don't.  I am tired of having her treat me like this....which is one of the reasons I joined Cafe Mom, to make new friends. -

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