Today marks a very sad day for me & I just feel like writing about it...

     Two years ago today my mother passed away from Brain Cancer.  I was 21 she 41. My daughter, her first grandchild was all of 9 months old. She had been diagnosed just 1 year prior. Always in good health and BOOM it just hit her and knocked her out and she was never the same.  She died peacefully in her sleep at her house and I would assume didn't feel much at the time as she was heavily medicated. 

     Her last words to me were "Mandy, I'm not afraid". Which was nice to hear.  Her last last words were "Mom can I go out and play now?"  w/ her mother by her side.

    I was very angry with God for a while. From the time she was diagnosed until well just about a half a year ago or so. But with the love of God [which I had not seen before] I am much better now and know that she is now in good, no make that great hands!

     Today wasn't as bad as I had expected but I kept myself pretty occupied and even had a good 20-30 minutes by myself, hanging up laundry *which I actually enjoy doing btw, hehe* and just cried and talked to her and just 'let it out'. My girls kept me pretty busy, hubby worked but we hung out w/ his dad all day and I talked to my grandmother bunches, which was nice. (on the phone, she's in Tampa, FL and I'm in Canada just north of New York)

     One of the things that sucks the worst is the fact that had I lost anybody else, my mom would have been the one there for me w/ out fail. We were tight! I loved -- no, no -- love her so much. But with my faith in God I know she's doing wonderfully and He has a plan and we can't argue with that now can we? 

     So, I'm good. Well not really, haha I'm getting emotional just writing this! But I've got friends and my hubby and girls that love me so I'll survive!

R.I.P. Sheree Lane!  3-15-64 ~~~ 2-2-06

I Love You and I'll see you soon.

 Well hopefully not too soon. I'm loving life as of late so one day momma, one day!

Love your favorite *hehe okay okay only* daughter,

Miss Amanda. :)

 

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Comments:

Petit...
Feb. 2, 2008 at 11:29 PM

 

 I am sorry for your loss.  I had my mother in my life until I was 42.   There is an ache in my heart for what she has missed in the last 5 years.   There is ache that my sons no longer have their grandma, they were very attached.  And for the granchildren who never got to know her because they were too young.  And for the great grandchild she never got to meet.   But mostly I am sad because the world was a little bit better with her here...

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simpl...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 2:43 PM

Sorry you lost your mom. I don't have my mom either but she's not dead just somewhere I can't see her. Sometimes, I think that's worse.

Scary thing though? Your mom's younger than my husband by two months. 

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tracy...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 2:57 PM I'm so sorry to hear about your mother.  My mother passed away from lung cancer 7/21/06.  It was very sudden and unexpected.  From diagnosis to her passing was 2 1/2 weeks.  Not enough notice to figure out how to live the rest of your life without a mother.  She was 48 and the most amazing Grandmother.  She was very close to my oldest daughter.  She named her and was there while I gave birth to her.  They had a special bond.  It hurts very bad a lot of the time.  I always wonder if it will feel so fresh..the memories, hurt, pain, lonliness.   Who do I call when my daughter looses her first tooth?  Wins a medal in gymnastics? Or I'm mad at my husband?  I just don't know why this happens and I don't yet understand how it will be O.K.  Sorry I'm not any help-but I haven't figured it all out yet.  It's not fair and it doesn't make any sense to me. 

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babyb...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 10:35 PM Sorry for the loss of your mom. I too have lost mine.

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JeninJax
Feb. 4, 2008 at 9:26 AM

I lost my mom in 1998 to brain cancer too.  I was 21.  I know just how you feel.  She never met her granddaughter, but I like to think that she checks in on us every once in awhile.  Take care of yourself.

 

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