We had the hearing yesterday and it went so much better than last week. It was no surprise when John's divorce attorney entered the room to represent him. I knew that he made it known to her husband (the regular judge) last week on the stand that his wife was rep. him in the divorce that he did it for a reason, it was b/c he thought she would get him out of this.

Carrie took the stand first. John's attorney must have been confused as to what was being tried b/c she was bringing up a shitload of stuff that pertained to our divorce and the fact that 'your mom has a girlfriend'..., not the assault, she tried to use the notes between her and her boyfriend but Carrie quickly pointed out that the notes never said anything about having sex or trying to get pregnant at all, putting his attorney in her place.

She told Carrie that I had turned her dad into DCS 15 times in the past 15 months and Carrie said she had no knowledge of that, she was sure I had turned him in but she wasn't sure how many times.

 In the end John's attorney stated "I'm confused" and said she had nothing further.

I smiled.

Sarah took the stand and gave a testimony that brought her and myself to tears as she stated the type of abuse she and her sister had lived through at the hands of John. His attorney tried to bring up things about the divorce again, but failed when Sarah gave a wonderful rebuttal. She's got some wit for a soon to be 15 year old. Wonder where she gets that from?

She made me proud.

I took the stand and his attorney began bringing up things about the day John got temp. custody, trying to disprove me as a credible witness. The judge told her that her questions were not needed and to drop it, I thanked him and we moved along. I told exactly what happened that day and that I'd took my daughter to the ER b/c her leg was hurting, bruised, had hand prints, how large the area was and that she was in pain, her pants hurt to touch her skin it was so bad.

She said 'Isn't it true that you've turned John in to DCS 6 times in the past year' and I said, " Six times? A few minutes ago you told my daughter and this court it was 15 times, so which is it Tammy, 15 or 6?"

She said " It's been numerous times though hasn't it" ....as she struggled for words

I said " I know I did 2 or 3 times myself".

She said " But it could have been more than that correct"

I said " I only turned him in 2 or 3 times".

I so cherish that moment...it felt so good to put her in her place after the way she screwed me over and made sure I lost my kids to that bastard in 2006.

The cop who was at the hospital took the stand....in the middle of his testimony the judge said that he hadn't seen anything so far that proved this was anything other than a normal spanking. I looked over at John and he seemed happy....it looked as if he was going to get away with this.

I put my head in my cloak and I whispered God, don't let him get away with this, please God......I held my head there for a moment, I looked back at my children in my mother's arms and she shook her head and looked sad. It seemed we were beaten...

The D.A. (my atty) said well your honor we have nothing further, we'd have to rest our case....and then the judge began asking the cop questions. He asked him, if this was something you'd seen out in the field (not Carrie's leg per se) what kind of action would you have taken?

The cop said I would have arrested him on the spot.

The judge then asked, what did you do when you left the hospital?
The cop said" I went home and called DCS and made a report myself, that little girl was limping, she was in pain, she couldn't sit and that was not a typical spanking in my opinion".


At this point John was called up on the stand to testify.

He told a complete 180 of his story last week but still insisted that he only hit her 2 or 3 x on the top of her leg. He was caught in so many lies. The judge caught him in a lie when he'd earlier stated Carrie had swung at him and missed b/c he caught her hands, then he testified he had a scratch on his forehead and that he'd taken pictures of the morning he got of jail, the judge asked him where did the scratch come from and John said it was when she swung at me and hit me. The judge said , wait a minute, I could have sworn that you earlier testified she swung, you grabbed her arm and she missed...you said she did not hit you, and now you are saying she did hit you. John said yes, she hit me, she was coming after me!!!

Ok....hold the beat.....a 15 year old 130 lb girl is coming after you?
Funny how in 2003 when he assaulted me that's what he said too, I was coming after him, it wasn't him who was assaulting someone else, he was being assaulted by yet another girl.

Ok .....yeah.....

So then after dozens of lies.....his girlfriend is called to the stand.

She tells A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY THAN JOHN!!!! She was so wrapped up in the lies she couldn't tell you what was real or a lie. John had said this incident lasted 45 min-1 hour, Carrie had testified 10 minutes or so, now his girlfriend says 5-10 minutes, coinciding with Carrie's earlier testimony.  She also gave away that she stayed the night with John (completely screwing John on the court ordered temp. parenting plan---he is so fucking busted------contempt charges are going to be easy to prove---)

So after this was all over (there was so much more I just can't put it all here)....the judge looked at John immediately and said Mr. Cox I'm gonna have to find you GUILTY of the charge of domestic assault here,(I put my hands over my face, brought my cloak up over me and began to cry, I couldn't breathe.....I couldn't believe it......I said thank you God...) and you all know I was leaning toward him at the beginning of this trial, and everyone who knows me knows I am all for corporal punishment, I believe in spanking a child, I had my fair share and probably a few I got out of I needed, but Mr. Cox what you did to your daughter WAS NOT A SPANKING!

Have you ever been in trouble before?

I spoke up, Yes he has, he assaulted me in 2003, he went to jail, he was on probation.....when John yelled out YEAH BECAUSE SHE CAME AFTER ME!!! I said John just stop it.

They looked up the information in the computer and John was yelling that was suppose to be expunged........................well there it was.......not expunged, it was on his record, plain as day.

The judge said you've been to anger management how many times? John said twice, and the judge said you will go again, and you better sit up and pay attention. It's obvious Mr. Cox that you have a problem with your temper and you better take care of it, you will serve 2 days in jail. You just sit in there and think about what you've done!

He then said you'll pay a $50 fine, and you will never use corporal punishment on any of these children again if you are given any kind of visitation.

John's atty said we may appeal this, the judge said you go ahead and appeal, but I promise you I will set the appeal date so far in the future that this will already have been served, I'll make sure it's set for 353 days in the future and this will all be over with by then. You will serve every day of this probation and I don't believe another judge will disagree with me about this. I am the hardest judge to prove child abuse cases on, but you go ahead if that's what you think you want to do.

During this time Carrie had been hugging John's mom, it seemed as though she had come to her senses, she was hiding her face during John and his girlfriend's testimony, as if she knew they were lying...and when John was found guilty she hugged Carrie and Carrie was crying. They walked out to the hallway and Elsie (his mom) got in Carrie's face saying "Why did you lie on your daddy, what did you do wrong, you better hope he doesn't lose his job over you"!!!!, Carrie pushed her away from her and went to the bathroom.

If I had been out there...........................oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it wouldnt' have been good. I didn't know this until it was too late and she was gone or I would have been in her face!

I walked out to the hallway and people in the audience smiled at me as if they knew justice had been served....


I went out to the hall and hugged the girls, my mom, my sister......we were so happy that some kind of justice was served. I was so busy hugging them I didn't notice until I turned around and there stood my divorce attorney, she said she had been there for the whole trial and took notes. I wanted to just hug her, I hadn't noticed her there, she said she thought I saw her but I hadn't, i was so focused on the case. We talked and she said she felt John should back off some now but I told her I doubted he would, so she is going to talk to his atty next week and see what can be worked out. She heard John's girlfriend admit to living with him....so we so got him on contempt.

It is such a blur.....but the main thing is John is GUILTY. He is going to jail. I don't see any way he will have anything other than visitation and I'm hoping for that to be supervised.


I am so thankful for all of my cafemom friends who have stood behind me through all of this, those who have prayed, sent postive energy, lit candles....words of encouragement, etc.

You all have been one of my rocks throughout all of this. All of the days that I felt there was no hope in sight....the days I couldn't even drag myself out of bed, the days I did drag myself out, the days I woke up crying, the days I cried all day...................all of the hell I have been through......and I'd do it again for my children.....I'll fight to the end, and I'll never give up.


John abused me for over 15 years before I got out. Emotionally, physically, mentally, sexually. He controlled me. He over powered me. He brain washed me, and when that wasn't enough he did it to my children.

This has been the hardest thing I've ever lived through in my life.

If you're in a relationship like this I say to you......you can do this too. If I can get out, you can get out. Somewhere inside of you is the strength to fight against your abuser and get out. If not for yourself do it for your children.

I use to think I will just wait til the kids are grown and then I'll leave.

You know what, it's too late then. Your children don't deserve to live through this. Neither do you, but don't let them live through it one more minute.

Get out.

I left with no job, no where to live, a car on it's last leg.

I left without my children.

I left with death threats on my head.

I will never be his victim again. I REFUSE.



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Feb. 3, 2008 at 12:41 AM

I can't tell you how happy I am for you and your kids. I'm sorry that any of you had to go through this, but hopefully, with time, you'll be able to move on and live your lives fully now.

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Feb. 3, 2008 at 11:48 AM I am so happy for you and the kids!! You are a strong woman, kudos to you! I was in an abusive relationship just as you described yours, it took me 3 years to wake up and realize I had to leave or die and I thank god everyday for the strenght I found that day!!! Many blessings to you and to your beautiful children!!

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Feb. 3, 2008 at 6:51 PM

I cant believe he only had to do 2 days and only pay a $50 fine!! 

Oh well, its a start, and perhaps, the courts will get tougher on him as time goes by..

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Jun. 26, 2008 at 7:39 AM A blessed day it was.

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