My reaction to not going to Atlanta to compete next week has been really different.  Usually, I am so depressed I can hardly function.  Thursday night when I realized it wasn't going to work, I started out extremely hurt and sad, but before the evening ended had been through about 5 different emotions (and those were only the ones I noticed because I was changing my "feelings" on my profile page...lol) By Friday I had already shifted gears and moved into planning for the next competition.  (Is this denial? I hope not... I have made lists of what I can do in order to make it... and I have a different feeling about it, like I am meant to be there... who knows...)

They say Thomas Edison came up with nearly a thousand different ideas for the light bulb before he found the one that worked... and now almost everyone around the world uses them.  It is NOT going to take me a thousand tries!  (There goes that stubborn streak... now they are in trouble!) 

I went on yet another cleaning binge (interrupted momentarily to check my mail and check in with my groups...)  I am organizing my desk and my house in order to take tangeable steps to get the HEALING nonprofit off the ground, and in my head are whirrling ideas... contact the press and work on my PSA idea for domestic violence awareness... contact area sports teams to see if I can "team" up with any of them for PSA's or other stuff related to d.v. education... reorganize all my study manuals and perparation materials for nationals.  Get to the college and start working towards getting back in.  Get things in order so I can get accepted into the program for my human services degree.  Check on whether it would be beneficial to have a business management degree as well, and whether it is something feasible for me.  (Am I really going back to school... inside the answer is yes... That one even shocks me!)  Just don't try getting in my way!!! (Did I say that.?..lol...)

Schedule and do regular mock interviews so when I  get to nationals (Yes, I said  WHEN)  I will absolutely blow them away.  If I want to be on Oprah and do regular gigs with national media, I have to be ready. As of now, I am self-imposing BOOTCAMP on myself. I don't just want to go. I WANT TO BE THE BEST THEY HAVE EVER HAD!!!!!!  Somehow I need to get some money for new interview clothes and find some things that will make them look up and take notice... First impressions DO count!

This all feels really weird, because I "should" be in mourning, but instead I am focused solely on my future goals.

Don't know if it's something in the water or something else... but  whatever it is, I wish I could bottle it.  I could make a mint...lol.

 What do you guys think?

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Comments:

stron...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 3:31 AM I think you are mature & handling a situation that could be bad [ only if you let it ] in a positive way. No use in crying over spoiled milk, find a way to get another gallon. I am very proud of you & you are setting an EXCELLENT example for your child !!!!!! Even though we don't understand sometimes, often times God does not close one door without opening another. We don't get the choice of doors. We grow in his glory & work his agenda to the best of our abilities, giving thanks the whole way.

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paddl...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 6:26 AM You did pretty well. I think considering plan change, maybe it happened for a reason. Take care!- joan

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silen...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 1:45 PM

I am standing up applauding you!!  You are truly amazing!!  You are where you need to be, just because one door was shut, means you go and open another door!!  What great power you have!!  This is what it means to be a survivor, take your power back and not to let one "no" stop us.  My father always told me, "just because someone tells you no doesn't mean it can't happen".  I have always lived by this, there is always more than one way to get things done, we have to think outside the box!!  You have to think, there has to be a reason you didn't go to Atlanta, we never know where our path will lead us, but down the road when we look back it all makes sense, so be prepared, I know there is something wonderful waiting ahead for you!!!

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chris944
Feb. 3, 2008 at 4:08 PM

What do I think......I think you are an AMAZING woman!  I think you are stronger than you know and are an inspiration to me and already are a winner. 

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chris944
Feb. 3, 2008 at 4:08 PM

What do I think......I think you are an AMAZING woman!  I think you are stronger than you know and are an inspiration to me and already are a winner. 

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butte...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 4:55 PM

i say more power to you.

i have a phrase i wrote in one of my older Bibles that I had written when I was 13 inside it and this is what it say's.  If you want to use it feel free to o so, I was baptized when I was 10

IT IS THIS:

Right Living/ Right Thinking and Right Praying and I believe Arisa that is what you have been doing since you got out of your bad situation. God will grant you the way when the time is right.  I don't know your religion background but this is a perfect time to look up Ecclesiates Chapter 3 (should have something titled like There Is A Time For everything.

Hope this helps up lift you more if you want to respond to this send me a personal message as I don't go back and re-read the journal posts.  Have a blessed Sunday and Stay safe.

Love

Julia in GA

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gramm...
Feb. 4, 2008 at 2:28 AM I just think your great and a total inspiration. Way to go, I am proud of you. Take care, your friend, Pam

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erlane
Feb. 4, 2008 at 1:17 PM I think I need some of that stuff in the bottle lol! I'm so proud of you, yes ofcourse your going to go through different emotions, but it seems like you chose to not let not being able to go to Atlanta bother you. I know your upset about not going, but I think it's great you've chosen not to let it get you down. Way to go! I hope to one day find the strength you have! love ya girl!

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