I celebrated my son's 13th Birthday today. Technically he turned 13 on Thursday, but I decided to celebrate it today. Instead of a party, because my family never showed uo for them in the past, I give my kids a day just for them. Joshua wanted to go to Sonic for lunch, he wanted to go to Putter's Edge for fun, and Olive Garden for dinner. The cake turned out great, and he loved his gifts. So what is wrong with me? I should be happy. Instead, I feel a creeping dread shadow my heart, because my husband still wont touch me or have a converstion with me. If you guys read my past journal entries, you would know that we are having lots of trouble. I want out but not yet, so why should I care? Because I want to be loved and cherished, that's why, and he never fulfilled that, ever, in 15 years. I feel empty inside.

I have 2 E mail addresses, I am on Friendster,Livejournal,Reunion.com,Myspace,Legolas Harem,the Hobbit Community,and I have my own website, and I still feel...wanting. I do not even know what I am looking for anymore. I found a friend or two on these sites, and I guess I am happy to finally have my own website where I can put my own art and stories. I was over the moon when I first got it. Now I am melancholy again. I do want to be able to leave that ass of a husband someday, I guess, but a part of me really hurts about it and I feel confused. I know that he's just not into me anymore, so why should I keep that in my life if it doesn't work? I am so sorry that I haven't frequented the Journals in a while, you girls must think me a shallow person for that. I am dealing with a lot of crap, mostly from this hurtful marriage. I constantly have chores to do, since the kids are a wrecking crew. I guess I have vented enough for now. I will search your journals and try to uplift someone else, OK? Luv ya!

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Comments:

tikto...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 2:37 AM I don't really have any suggestions for you since I'm going through my own ordeals as well, but just wanted to let you know I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope things get better for you one way or the other :)

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Lalaith
Feb. 3, 2008 at 3:53 AM Thank you Tiktoklady, you always have something nice to say.:)  I hope so too, and for you as well. :(

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karin...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 5:32 AM  . . . no, not shallow, just honest and unhappy at the moment.

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Lalaith
Feb. 4, 2008 at 1:24 AM

Yeah, you got that right, Sis!!

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