I have spent most of my adult life wondering if I would ever find real friends.  I've moved around a lot, never to anywhere big or noteable, and apparently, my humor and demeanor turns some women off.  I just never clicked with women. 

When I did occasionally find a friend, I usually quickly realized the purpose of that relationship was not for mutual encouragement, listening and companionship, but some form of imbalance that ranged from neediness to outright using me.  Now, I never turn away a gal who needs a friend, but eventually, friends like that outgrow your advice and your shoulder, and move on.

Then there are the women who just must be intimidated by me, and those who mistake my shy side for being a snob.  All of these things have not led to me developing very many long term relationships with women in real life.  The ones I've known the longest are actually pretty surface relationships...not that I don't cherish them, but they aren't the ones I can call when my heart is breaking.

But CafeMom has given me a whole new life.  I joined this site a year ago this month and quickly found a wonderful group of loyal and trustworthy friends from all over the country, even the world.  Of course this is the internet and it takes a lot to get to know the "real person" online, but one thing is for sure.  This year I have shared more of the wacky & controversial stuff that goes on in my head on this site than I would EVER dare to discuss with anyone in my real life besides maybe my hubby.  And these gals love me anyway!  Sometimes because of it!

I look at the ladies at church, or other friends and I wonder if they could handle knowing me as well as my dear friends here know me.  Would they still talk to me?  Honestly?  Maybe one of them would, ironically the one friend with whom I have the least in common.  For some reason she really does love me although we disagree about just about everything.  But the ladies here I have no question.  I know they can handle my crap, they have, they do, and they're still here, razzing me, calling me, and following me around this wonderful site.

CafeMom has kept me from suffering my usual Seasonal Affect Disorder this year, kept me from giving up on home schooling, given me encouragement for not vaccing, and in general kept my mind occupied and my heart full.

I owe a lot to this website.  

I'm proud to be an admin for the MomMeet 2009 Convention that will make it possible for moms who have developed deep friendships with gals we might never otherwise meet to give each other real life hugs.  I'm planning on giving each of my great friends big hugs and maybe some presents when I get the chance to stand face to face with them.  I just hope I don't cry.  Too much.

So far, I've had the great pleasure of meeting several of my CM friends in real life.  Linda I got to meet only briefly when she passed through town, Pam I actually conned into coming to stay with me for a weekend to help me with a church project. Then most recently Emi and her family had a fun playdate when they were in my area from halfway across the country over the holidays. 

I've never been disappointed when meeting any of these gals - and I've never felt nervous or shy...a fear I had.  Sometimes it is scary to take a relationship past the online stage and move it into real life. 

I'm sure there are a lot of real life wallflowers out there but let me assure you - if you're showing the gals on CafeMom the "real you" that you are too afraid to take out in the daylight at home...the same gals that love and accept you online will still love and accept you in that very daylight.  And you will feel what I've felt. 

Liberated.  Appreciated.  Loved.  Accepted.  

Maybe, for the first time in your life.

 

Give it a chance.

Let's meet at MomMeet.  Nashville. May 14-17, 2009.  

 

 

 

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Comments:

Siouxzy
Feb. 3, 2008 at 3:22 AM

Hey!....you're really scarin me!!   This could've, should've, been written by me.  I love people..I really do!! Most of my friends are of the male persuasion. I just can't seem to overly connect with women.  BUT...I can count one one hand, my female friends. And they truly are friends. My newest ones are on here.  I just figured a long time ago, that if I , as goofy as I am, could find women like me, even one, that  I had found a true gift.  Am proud to say, thanks in part to this site, I know I can count on at least 8 friends.   Lord, we'eve been through TOO much in this life, all of us.  All women at that. 

Botom line...Don't give up and you can always find me....

Sunny

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Angel...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 3:23 AM Well, I've never been shy...or quiet since I was 13yrs old. But I do know exactly what you're talking about!  I'm 20yrs old and I have a daughter  (1) and a soon to be hubby. A lot of my "friends" decided they just didn't have time for me anymore...once Kiley came along and some before that. I was heartbroken...because who did I have to go to with my fears, problems, for that matter my bad days?? No one...now don't get me wrong...My hubby has always been there for me..but somethings he just can't help with..ya know? So I found this site...after my daughter came home from the NICU. It was like a dream come true....at night after Kiley went to bed I'd get online and talk to these special women...my newly found friends and no matter how bad a day I had or how down I felt about a "Stupid mistake" they'd always cheer me up and some how put a smile on my face and it made me realize..that even though some of my old "friends" walked away because I couldn't just party and run around....there were women...Moms out there that would talk to me, be there for me and make plans with me no matter how crazy I might have sounded in a journal post or how upset I was or how much I vented. It's beyond what I could have asked for...so I guess what I'm trying to say is.....THANKS FOR POSTING THIS!!! Because I think some mommy's on cafe-mom just need to hear that their encouragement , compliments, and advice are greatly appreciated!!!   Well, I'd love to come to the Mommy Meet but I just don't have the money or the time right now to make it...maybe if Troy gets out of the hospital soon and he gets back to work and I find a job (having some issues) We'll make it...I hope so but if not I definitely want to come to the next one...

***Nicki

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Metal...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 9:08 AM That was very well written.  I feel like that sometime too.  I have very few friends due to our business.  I don't have a regular job where I meet people.  I am at home most of the time and the ladies I have connected with here on CM mean the world to me!  I too have met several of them.  It is always great when we find that our relationship works in person just like it does on CM.  I really hope my friends will want to go and I think that as we get closer to the date, I will be able to convince some of them to join in.  Thanks for Staying Cool!

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Moomie
Feb. 3, 2008 at 11:07 AM What a great post! I'm so happy for you. To find people that accept us for who we are isn't always an east feat, but I too have made some really great friends on here, and I cherish each and every one of them!

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lifeo...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 1:28 PM Sniff Sniff.  Mikayla I realize you already know this but I need you just as much as you need me.  =)  You are an example of how much God loves me.  Because he knew I needed a friend and gave me one of the greatest.  I can't wait to meet you in March ~ cause we are gonna rock!  =)  Let the obnoxious, sarcastic and "just plain scary for most women" girls join forces and conquer all.  Ha Ha.

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SantaMom
Feb. 3, 2008 at 2:05 PM

Man, God really scattered my sisters everywhere, huh?

And I thought I never had any...! 

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shelly76
Feb. 3, 2008 at 2:46 PM I can relate totally.  I'm either a "snob", "too strong", or lordy knows what else ppl on "the outside" see me as.  CM does meet a need and I am blessed to have 'met' you.  :)

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missi...
Feb. 3, 2008 at 11:04 PM I totally agree with your post - I could have written it about myself.  I was just telling my husband yesterday that I can't believe I have found such a group of women that I can truely call friends and that has helped me so much in my walk with Jesus.  I am so thankful. 

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Aholt
Feb. 3, 2008 at 11:30 PM Glad you're getting your "love tank filled" !!  Although, I have to admit, I'd uv NEVER pegged you as a wallflower!!

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JasJo...
Feb. 4, 2008 at 2:53 AM What do you mean, "They can handle my crap". WHAT crap?? You're absolutely delightful!

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