For years now I've been looking for a spiritual path, and a way that 'fit' me... 

So far I have learned about Buddhism, and how to experience life because experience can't be taught, only felt and acknowledged.  What's so beautiful is the deepest part of Buddhism has no language other than Spirit...

I have learned a little about Paganism, and how to respect and love the earth and her cycles, and to revere nature in the highest regard.  I don't believe in spells or hexes or any of the 'magic' associated with it.. I can't bring myself to believe what isn't there in that regard. 

Somehow ironically I believe that well wishes and good energy can be put out there... it's all vibrational, and hilariously contagious.

I have learned a little about Judaism and respect it. 

I have learned a little about Catholicism and Christianity, and respect both of those as well.

There is just something that keeps me from claiming any territory on any of those levels, because, well, I don't feel like I belong.

I believe there was once an awesome guy named Jesus and he knew what Spirit was, but am reluctant to call myself a Christian b/c of the proselytising.

I am wary of all religions who take percentages of their paychecks to fund their churches, though I'm sure it serves some sort of purpose.

I am wary of religions who try to convert me, and am magnitized toward religions who keep to their own...

I, admittedly, don't seek religions out who follow and quote biblical references with every statement because I believe we have our own brains and on some level need to use critical thinking instead of our referential brains...

...and I know that accounts for many of you whom I talk to, and I apologize but in my defense and my right, am entitled to my opinion of anyone's bible being written by man, therefore it's biased...

...ironically I see so much morality and good come out of scripture that I'm okay with it being in the world; it does people a wonderful service for themselves.

I am trying to figure out, sifting though this specific path, what my beginnings are as a human, and believe strongly that I'm a product of this earth, and to me, that is beautiful, but I need more on a sub sub level in terms of 'truth'.

I find it hard to believe in a judgemental, overlord of a God.

I don't believe I'm a sinner though I openly admit I'm not perfect by any stretch.

I don't believe Christ died for my sins, and I don't feel guilt that such a wonderful person existed.

I don't believe he should have been killed; he should have been openly revered, like Buddha.

I don't believe Christ is God. I believe that Christ was Christ, and that God is....

Do I believe in God?  My first inclination *gasp* is to say no. I don't believe we were created, I believe we accidentally happened.  I believe we should take this moment right here, and LOVE it. Embrace it, because time is of the essence.  You will never get this moment back.

When I first thought of this world without a God, it made me cry.  I could no longer say my mom was in heaven, I had to say she was in the ground.  Where did her energy go? It found it's way into another creation; a bird, a baby, a tree, a blade of grass. 

Yet I don't believe in reincarnation.  I don't believe the universe is that structured, that exacting.  I don't believe in people living past lives.  I don't believe any one spirit stays one spriit after they pass; I believe the spirit becomes fragmented, and by spirit, I guess I mean energy.

I believe that the happiest, most soothing answer most of the time is the wrong answer. 

It's not easy being an atheist.  It's not spectacular either, it's actually quite the opposite.  It's lonely sometimes because I feel like the only one and am embarassed to admit it, but it also doesn't mean by any stretch that I don't care about my life, that I'm depressed, or that I'm lacking in spirituality. 

In searching for a spiritual path, however, it seems ironic, doesn't it?  I don't quite know why either.  I feel spiritual when I'm taking a long road ride on my bike;  I feel deeply spiritual when I gaze into my daughter's eyes.  I feel spiritual when I'm sitting on the back steps, taking the time to stare at my hand.  I feel spiritual when everything in my life is aligned.  I feel spiritual when I'm grateful; I feel spiritual when I'm heavily discontented which is now.  More irony; my discontent is making me seek, and I am comfortable here for now.

I think my spiritual path is to find more time to be spiritual, and just meditate.

Or maybe my 'GOD' is earth and circumstance. All and nothing. Zen...

I hope I didn't offend anyone or make anyone not want to be my friend; I just had to get some personal truths off my chest and 'come clean' as it were...

 

 

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Comments:

lobst...
Feb. 4, 2008 at 3:11 PM this was very beautifully put, and food for thought.

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njmom...
Aug. 10, 2008 at 1:47 AM

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

That being said....first a quote from my love (RIP) George Carlin,

"Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money."

That being said...

I think the bible like all otther books like it written by man is basically like fables.  (Aesops fables)  It's a story to teach you the meaning of life.  Do I think a man named Jesus roamed the earth?  Of course I do!  Do I believe he was trying to pass on a way of life?  Of course I do...but the context has changed over the years just as Eckhart Tolle's will (A New Earth) 

I love the Buddhist way of life.  The lessons are amazing.  Do I think we are reicarnated?  Probably not the way most do.  Our spirits move on but our human body decomposes.  A flower on the other hand...a tulip.  It dies at the end of the season and is reborn in the spring.  So who is to say that rebirth doesn't happen.  Look at the beauty of nature.

Pagans..........When taking spirituality tests, I come out Neo-Pagan 100%.  Am I???  NO.  I don't believe in witch craft.  I did as a teenager but not anymore.  Life is what it is.....and who wants to fuc% with mother nature anyway? 

I also came out 100% Unitarian Universalist...which is what I think you believe too.  I don't believe in "God."   Sssshhh.  Holy crap I wasn't struck by lightening.  I'm still standing.  I believe in spirituality and the messages left by Jesus, Buddah and all the amazing men before us that all tried to send the same message.....Heaven lives within us.  "God" is our soul.  We need to do what's right for us.  We need to live a life of enlightenment and spirituality but we don't have to praise no one.  We praise our earth for the beauty and life it gives us, we praise our family and friends for the love and we praise those that wnet before us and left an underlying message through......FABLES.

I love you honey.  

 

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