My story:

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew I would BF without question. So I did alot of research and learned all that I could about it. I wanted to be prepared and knowledgeable. I let my family know my decision and I educated them. My husband was behind me 100%.  Formula was not an option. (Kinda like divorce isn't an option so we work very hard on our marriage even when its tough we don't give up and go find an "alternative")

I ended up having a c-section(at  Johnson City Med Center), not planned. My Doc (Dr. Eva Pickler, Johnson City) said I would never be able to have a baby vaginally, something about my pelvis. Anyway,  I was in recovery for about an hour before I was able to feed Maggie. We were lucky, she latched on like little pro. I was again lucky to have a wonderful nurse who was pro-breast feeding, as most of the staff seemed to be, and a nursing mother herself (Virginia, never will I forget her). I was in the hospital 3 days and the LC came by a few times to check on us. Formula was never ever mentioned. Even when she dropped wt and developed a touch of jaundice. Instead, I was encouraged to feed as often as I could to help.

We checked out on Sun and Monday Maggie had her first MD appointment. The Ped actually had me BF Maggie and check our latch. She had BF both of her children! How lucky was I? My milk came in that afternoon.

Maggie fed every 2 hrs for about an hour! LOL! I was worn out those first months. Because of my c-section I had a hard time feeding her in sidelying so I had to get up and feed her at night ( every 2 hrs)until I healed enough to feed her lying in bed.  After that, we co-slept and still do. People say it so bad and that I or my husband will roll over on her.  I always ask them how often they fall out of bed at night?!

Maggie gained weight like a champ and was actually off the charts several times for wt and height! The Ped always asked about me and how the BF was going. It was going well but, I had cracked and bleeding, scabbed nipples. At times it hurt so bad my feet would come up off the ground when she latched on. I was determined though to give my baby breast milk. I was determined to give her the best that I could. I stuck with it and here we are at 6 months!

I had to stand up to my parents and in-laws when it came to not letting our baby CIO. When she cried I went to her. I knew she needed something. I firmly believe and still do that you cannot spoil a baby.  After 6 months they all have to agree that she is the best baby they have seen. She only cries when she needs/wants something. She laughs and smiles all the time. She is rolling over, sitting up, trying to crawl, finding her very loud voice, she puts her paci in her mouth, takes it out, drops it, finds it, puts it back in her mouth, then repeats! LOL! She is content to play by herself. She loves to play with her feet and hands. She loves to watch our dogs. She is a happy very healthy baby girl. She has only had one cold and I blame that on her Daddy. He got sick so the rest of us did too. It was funny b/c Maggie got over it before any of the rest of us did.

 It has not all been easy. I was very angry for a long time. Not at my baby but at my husband and others. I blamed him for everything that wasn't going right. I had to give up my career as a rehab services manager and go to home health. I loved my former job and I was so proud of all that I had accomplished and had alot of plans for my dept. However, my daughter comes first so I made that choice. That job was an hr from where we live, my new job is here in town. I irrationally blamed my husband for this. I mean really, we could have moved! LOL! The lack of sleep, the housework, returning to work, missing my baby.... it was all his fault. It came to head one Sat morning. IMy last day at my old job was that Fri and I was to start my new job the following Mon. We had a huge fight. I wanted to hurt him so bad. I will not go into all the nasty details but, I moved out that day.

I stayed at my  parents for a month. Not working, just trying to get my mind around everything. Before I had left my old job sveral of the nurses and other therapists staged and intervention. They pointed out that I needed some help. They thought I had PPD. They made me call my Doc. I got in the next day. I was dx with PPD and giving meds. I didn't take them! Oops. After the shit hit the fan, I started taking them. It was amazing how much better I felt. I never blamed Maggie for any of it. I loved her so fiercely and still do. I would never have hurt her. Just my husband!

Hubby and I went to therapy to try and heal the pain we had caused each other. I moved back in and we are taking it day-to-day.

I love my new job and am very glad I have it b/c 3 weeks after starting it my husband was laid off! I mean really can anything else happen? He is now starting his own business and I am doing my best to support him. I work about 6 hrs a day. I take my pump with me and I pump in my car, sometimes on the side of the road. Its a pain sometimes, but again, I am determined to give Maggie the BEST.

Maggie is still breastfed and we just started solids 1 wk ago. It was getting really hard to at around her without her trying to take all the food and getting really mad that we didn't give her any! LOL! I still plan on the majority of her nutrients coming from breast milk and food is just an added fun experiment.

Its has not been easy becoming a Mommy after 32 yrs of doing what I want, when I want. However, it has been worth every bump! She is the best thing that has ever happened to us. Its hard to remember what our lives were like before she came into it. I look forward to all the new she will bring to us.

Thanks for reading. I just wanted to share my story.



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Feb. 9, 2008 at 3:48 PM Glad you are doing better and got help for PPD!  It can really just sneak up on a person.  I agree it can be hard to become a mom after years of doing everything you want, when you want... but children are such a blessing.  But I try to remind myself quite often that husbands are too.  They come before the kids and will be there long long after the kids grow up.  Best wishes to you!!!  And thanks for sharing your story!

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