I hurt my child far beyound anything I could have ever imagined.

[Shell875]

The hurt of a child is a horrible thing to have to endure especially when you are the one who caused it........Let me explain.    The summer of 2001 was a very exciting and scary time.  I was due with my third child ( a boy ) and was very excited.  He was born on August 1st, 2001.  I was very happy but scared because I had two young kids ages 1 and 3 and a new born.  I was nervous how I was going to juggle all the responsibility of caring for all of them at once, but as we all started getting used to the fact of a new born thats when tragedy hit. 

 I got up the morning of August 15th, 2001 and began my day getting my kids ready to take my baby to his 2week check-up.  His checkup went good but they were a little worried about him not gaining the weight that he should have so they wanted me to come back in a week to make sure he was gaining weight......we never made it to the appt because later that evening we were in a terrible car accident that almost took the life of my baby.

My husbands grandmother had died 2 days before and we were on our way to my husbands parents house to see how they were doing.  I wanted to drive because I was given the okay by the Dr, so my husband agreed and off we went.  I turned down a road that I had never driven before and didnt see the stop sign ( there was a tree in front of it ).   I ran the stop sign and we were hit by a full size van ( we had a very small car ) spun us around and hit a telephone pole all on the side where my baby was sleeping in his carseat.

After the car stopped ( which felt like forever ) I got out and couldn't believe my family was in the car with me ( I had hit my head and had a concussion ).  My husband and I got out and checked on the kids and thats when we realized our baby ( GABE) wasnt breathing.  My husband got him out of his seat and handed him to me where I began to push on his chest.  he began breathing but kept slipping in and out of consciousness.  They took him to the hospital.  They had to revive him twice and told us it didnt look good.  They did a cat scan and the results were devastating...........severe brain damage. When they told me my son had brain damage my legs collasped out from under me and I began to pray. 

They transported him to Columbus Childrens hospital where we found out that he had a broken neck, broken collar bone,and a skull fracture......He is only 2 weeks old. They gave him a 20% chance of living and said if he did live he would be in a vegetated state.  They said he would probably never walk, talk, see, hear or anything else "normal" kids could do.

He stayed in the hospital for a month while my wondeful sister-in-law (more like a sister) and brother took care of my other kids.  After we left the hospital we had to return on Sept 11th, 2001.  What a day that was.  Gabe had developed 2 big bed sores on the back of his head as a result of laying on a back board for 9 days( they couldn't move hin because of his broken neck ) He had to have surgery on his bed sores.

The guilt that overtook me for causing my family all that pain was almost unbearable.  Everyone kept saying it was a " ACCIDENT".  I knew it was a accident but because of my not paying attention caused my child to be forever scarred.  The thought of being reminded of what happened everytime my son didnt do the things other kids did was heart breaking

I stuggled a long time with it but I finally was a able to give all my guilt, pain, and harships to God.  When the accident happened I felt Gods love more then ever before.  He wrapped his arms around me and carried me through.  The thought of my child hurting hurt me more then anything I ever experienced..imagine how God hurt when Jesus His son died on the cross....my hurt doesnt even compare.

God took my pain and guilt and just loved me.  Gabe is walking, talking, he sees, hears and does almost everything a "normal " kid would do with only a few delays.  Everyday I get to see God do wonderful things in Gabe's life and I am so thankful God allowed me to be here to see it all.

Michelle

[C-n-Imom]

Mar. 7, 2007 at 4:24 PM Wow! I am so glad your baby is ok. How very scary that must've been.

[singtomemommy]

Mar. 7, 2007 at 4:24 PM God Bless you and your family.

[southerncharm]

Mar. 7, 2007 at 4:24 PM What a wonderful story..........it's the ending that counts.  :-)

[mommyoffourboys]

Mar. 7, 2007 at 4:25 PM  Well if that don't make you beleive in God I don't kow what will. God bless to you and your family.

[momof2g3b]

Mar. 7, 2007 at 4:26 PM You are a very blessed woman.  And your son is a miracle!

[AniGirl]

Mar. 7, 2007 at 4:27 PM I'm so glad you were able to stop blaming yourself and that your son is doing well today.  Thank you for sharing your story.

[annielwhite]

Mar. 7, 2007 at 4:27 PM awwww. i cant even say anything... im speechless... im so happy he is ok. so happy.

[mommabears3cubs]

Mar. 7, 2007 at 4:29 PM That is amazing! I am so glad your family is okay now and that Gabe survived. Thank you for sharing with us.

[dudderbug]

Mar. 7, 2007 at 4:30 PM well as you can see doctors are'nt always right. looks like gabe has a big purpuse in life.. acident happen.. give lots of love and support for what ever he wants to be in life....

[walkerboysmom]

Mar. 7, 2007 at 4:35 PM Wow, how does that scripture go  Everything is possible through god who straightens me. I'm soo happy that your son was okay. He really does watch over us.  God bless you.