QUIT STARING PLEASE!!!

[Petie]

So, yesterday after church, we had "Dinner on the Grounds" which is a fancy way of saying, Potluck.  Well, ds had already spent an hour with the other kids and had enough of people.  So, after about 5 minutes he started slamming his head on the table, squirming out of his high chair, pulling his hair and throwing his food.  Well, as if it isn't difficult enough dealing with this, we have well meaning types coming over and saying, "oh someone isn't happy".  Which only makes it worse because the PEOPLE are why he does it.  Then you have the other types, the "what is wrong with that kid" mummblers.  You know, you hear it but only if you are close enough to hear them mumble under their breath.  And of course the starers.  They dont say anything, they just STARE and GLARE.  Well, at least at church they TRY to be helpful, until the other two kids finished eating and we left quickly.

Then, this evening, he was having a really good day today, so we decided to go to the Buffet in town.  Well, it happened again, he LOVES these donut thingies when we bring them home, but he was throwing them and screaming, slamming his head into the side of his high chair, pulling his hair, kicking throwing food at anyone that looked at him etc.  I ended up picking him up and standing so that he would eat.  The waitress looked at me as she cleaned up the mess he made and said, "WHAT is WRONG with that boy".  Another lady looked at me and said, "If he's NOT HUNGRY, you CAN'T MAKE him eat".  Then you have the kids that are saying, "mommy why is he crying" and their whispered responses, "he must be tired, I don't know, maybe he is mad"  Or the absolute worst one tonight, "Now sweety, THAT is what YOU look like when YOU throw a tantrum"

I wanted to look at them and say, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!  MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!  I mean ds is only 23 months old.  So, it isn't as if he comprehends that he is making people uncomfortable.  And it isn't as if I haven't ever dealt with a typical 2 year old before, I am sitting there with 3 kids. DS1 is 6, he looked at one person who was staring and told them, "If you stopped STARING AT HIM, he would calm down".  Of course, then I get nasty looks because my 6 year old DARES to speak out against an adult.  OOOOOH HOW DARE HE!!  Just ask them. 

Anyway, mom wanted to go to IHOP tomorrow before we vote, but now we are thinking it may not be a good idea. This is getting WORSE every time we go out, NOT better.  But, until we know exactly what is wrong with him, we have no clue how to deal with the issues.  I mean there are too many questions.  Does he comprehend that he is doing something wrong?  What kind of discipline would work for this? etc etc.  Without knowing WHY he is behaving this way, we can't find a solution to the problem.  But, we don't want to be hermits who never leave the house either.  GRRRRRRR!!!  If people were more understanding and less judgemental, then maybe we could work with him on this.  But NOOO, we have to have well-meaning busy bodies, mumblers, and starers everywhere we go.

[CloudWeaver]

Feb. 4, 2008 at 10:07 PM

Well I would say in a nice LOUD voice, Gee I wonder if they were taught about staring from their Mother and how rude it is! I wouldnt apologize. I would ask God for forgiveness for those who are so rude. Otherwise, I'd go out anyway. I am not sure if its possible but maybe a booster seat in between two of you? Just a thought. Good Luck.

Have a great day!:)

[cindysue100]

Feb. 4, 2008 at 10:14 PM why do people have to stare? im a grown peson and i hate haveing to go into a resteruant cause people stare at you when you walk by then the whole time you are eating it drives me crazy.since im on the road i have to go into those places to eat..i can feel for you and your family

[Allana]

Feb. 4, 2008 at 10:22 PM
Your sons age made me go look at your other journals, and well having been on this road myself, let me first say it isn't you, you are a good mommy!  Secondly I will say go check out the autism speaks website, or even some of the groups here on cafemom.  The biggest indicator is that he used to say words, the other is the head banging huge fits, spectrum kids can throw fits like no other, as physical pain can mean nothing to them, or isn't as painful as the stimulus (bright light, too much noise, transitions, etc.)  Hugs knowing really does help, because then you can learn what to do and the fits lessen and communication can come back.

[Petie]

Feb. 4, 2008 at 10:26 PM Hopefully, we will have the process started on the 22nd.  I am PRAYING that his PCM takes me seriously.  I looked up the M-CHAT (? I think that is what it is called) and answered the questions.  He matched with 13 of the 23 that mean he needs to be evaluated.  It said that matching 3 meant he needed to be evaluated, so I am hoping that his PCM just writes up a referral without too much fuss.

(Original Poster)

[Allana]

Feb. 4, 2008 at 11:51 PM

Definitely know all the right terms and flag words, or they can ignore you (happened to me), yes it is the M-CHAT (as far as I know too, hard to keep up on it all! :)

 I recommend these books allot, mainly because they helped me so much:  Overcoming Autism, and the Out of Sync child has fun.  The first one helps in getting a diagnosis and starting the whole process, the second gives fun activities based on the area of stimulation your child needs.

Sometimes it seems like the strangest things help too, for David behavior really improved when we added extra feet stimulation (through jumping and bouncing, or swinging and hitting a wall with his feet.)  Whatever it did to his brain it helped him calm down and start to begin to interact again.

Good luck at your appointment!