Happy 11th birthday Austin, My letter, my tribute to him. One Autistic boy's journey

[CelticFaerie]

Happy 11^th Birthday Austin,

When I look a back on your eleven years. I am in awe of how far you have come. You came into this world clinging on to me and have never let go. It is hard to imagine the pain you have had to endure. Not just physical yet emotional too, which can cut much deeper.

Looking at you now. I sometimes forget the isolation we both faced because of your fear of the outside world. Hiding under tables, clothing racks, Screams of terror when you entered a unfamiliar place. How clothes were torture, a mere touch felt like a slap. Food felt like thistles in your mouth, the sounds that were silent for most, rang loudly in your ears. Overly sensitive. Don’t baby him, be firm. The experts said. Then it was Shyness they went on to say. Social and verbal delays nothing to worry about. If only we had know earlier that you were Autistic.

I still remember that day at the school when after the Doctor’s findings and their tests confirmed it. I am sorry one teacher said, “You will have to grieve for the child you wanted yet didn’t receive. Then move forward.” Grieve? What would give me the right to do that. In front of me you sat the beautiful blue eyed blonde haired boy in my dreams. One that said I love you mama and gave me peanut butter kisses daily.

I only could think of the numerous tests you had been put through. MRIs, EEGs, You were poked so many times you no longer cried from the pain. You just wanted it to stop. Yet numb from it all.. We heard it every possibility Lead poisoning, Tourette’s, Epilepsy, Brain Tumor, Actually when I heard Autism I was relieved. My baby was not going to die.

Didn’t this woman know that there were mother’s out there that had no child to hold? Mama’s watching their children fade away from Cancer. No, I did not have that right. Together we would face the world and make it through together. One moment at a time, one obstacle at a time.

They said you could not ride a bike. I bought you one and proved them wrong. They said you could not control your temper so could no longer be in school. We home schooled for awhile. You wanted to go back. So we switched schools and you proved them wrong once again. Mainstreaming was out of the question, You would have to go up two grades in math and reading in 6 months. I quit my job and together we worked to prove them wrong once again.

You make me so proud watching you not only do your 5^th grade work but helping your sister with her 9^th grade math. Long gone are the days of complete isolation, rocking back and forth, no eye contact and complete meltdowns,

Yet, I still have to remember the days gone by to know how far you have come. The potty training that took 2 years. The stares of strangers when you stimmed in public. The home schooling, The years of no birthday parties because friends were hard to come by. The clumsiness, the crying, the clinging to me and your dad. Words spoken that only your sister could understand.

 

No, you are not the athlete that I vision my son to be. It warms my heart knowing that you want to play football next year ,because you know I love it so. Just remember that you are so much more, than I knew a son could be. Every day you wake and choose to face the world and it’s discrimination. I once wondered how you found the strength to this. Now that you are older I know. You see the good in people. Because of the teasing and taunting, you have chosen to block out the negative and focus on the positive in people. If only everyone had this ability. What a wonderful place it would be.

I was your best friend because I had to be, In return you have become mine. Teaching me so much about myself that I never knew. Taking me to mystical places, lands that only a young boy could dream of. A doctor once told me that you would never go into my world. I told her Then I will go into his.

Thank you for allowing me in. For it has been far more interesting and exciting than mine alone could ever be. Together we have ridden on the back of dragons, fought in many battles with our mighty swords. Saved earth from aliens and discovered that there is a little bit of magic in all of us.

Now that you are turning eleven. You can look back at the obstacles you have overcome. Your hard work has paid off. I no longer have to be your best friend. You are making your own now . Girls are even looking your way. Once the weird kid, now the cute kid, funny kid and even the smart kid.

No longer do I hear I want to die, I hate myself, I hate my life and why do I have to be an Autistic freak. You are becoming confident, social, comfortable with yourself and the world around you. You did this. One step, One goal, One moment at a time.

Your independence is not too far away. Next year you will be in middle school. My baby no more. . Soon you will be discovering girls and hanging out after school. Exploring new places, trying new things, dreaming new dreams without me.

Yet, I will remember the days of you and I against the world. How we cried together, played together, laughed together, dreamt together. Fought the system and won together. No matter what the future holds, You can make it through . You have proven that.

This year with tears in my eyes, I choose to give you wings for your birthday. You have earned them. Please promise me that you will take me along on one of our magical adventures once in awhile, If only to remember what once was.

I don’t know what good I did in my life, to be blessed with a son like you. I am so very proud of you.

 Now my sweet boy... Make a wish!

You deserve to have all your wishes come true.

Happy Birthday Austin

I love you!

 

 

[MorningFaery]

Feb. 7, 2008 at 7:51 PM

austin is blessed to have a mama like you.  how fortunate you both are that you found each other, no matter what, you did it.  this story, very real story about life, will stay with me forever.

best wishes austin!

[austinmom613]

Feb. 11, 2008 at 11:09 PM

please get bacl to me I have a 5 year old with a speech problem and who is still very shy and when he was 9 months I thought something was wrong but they said he was just shy...now his sister who just turned 1 is doing this yelling all the time thing and I am worried please tell me any signs to look for............thank you so much for being a great mom there should be more moms like you who do belive and love there kids no matter what....

 

[tngal]

Jul. 18, 2008 at 3:39 PM You are one amazing Momma, blessed by your precious son. Austin is one amazing young boy and blessed to have such a wonderful Momma!

[saltycoqui]

Jan. 27, 2009 at 9:53 AM

My son will be 11 soon. I was lucky to have put him in early intervention since he was 2. And like you we try to focus on all that he has done and not on what he hasn't. I really like your letter. I'm also glad I had a box of tissues nearby!