Well 16 more days and Chaz is leaving for 15 months.. Going to visit his family and do 6 weeks of school. and then he is off to Korea for 1 year. I'm still not sure what to think of the idea.. I'm hurt as it is and I try to put it off in my mind. But as the days get closer reality is starting to hit.. I find myself crying now and I'm scared how hard it is really going to hit me when he goes.  I have so many mixed feelings. Most are that I'm scared that he won't come back. And maybe that is because of all the stuff I've been through in the past. My ex up and leaving me etc.. And 2. cause I'm scared he might find someone else.. Again has to deal with my ex. It gives me lack of trust. and I need to build it up and get it in my head that he is not like my ex.. He swears up and down that he is coming back for me. So I will give it a chance.. What do I got to lose?? My insanity??  LOL no seriously I love this man we have been together going now on two years and we have a beautiful daughter together. He has a great relationship with my other 3 kids and they love him to death..  So I just have to be strong and find something to keep me busy the next 15 months.. And be there for my kids cause no matter what happens they are the most important  in my life and nothing is more worth than my kids. No matter how much i love chaz but my kids are first.. Anyways wish me luck ing coping with this.. Sniff Sniff

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