Ready to be a mom...

[Jennifercox]

So I have suffered from almost 6 years of infertility.  I guess I have been infertal much longer but didn't know it.  So through this stuggle, I have learned alot about myself, my relationship with my husband and my friends.  Several things have happened recently and I am stuggling even more than ever. 

1.  I turned 30...it seems like I am still so young and that I should have my whole life ahead of me...but my plan "when I am 30 I will...." is not on schedule.  I always thought that at 30 I would be married (check), have a nice house (check), be a stay at home mom...well this is where I struggle.  I could stay at home but what purpose would that serve?  I am not a mom.  I thought I would have kids by now...I thought my life would be so differant.  I think I am having a pre-mid life crisis. 

2.  My best friend is adopting...she has 2 beautiful sons.  She is a great mom and I know that she has always wanted a girl.  Well, a situation presented itself and she is adopting 2 girls that belonged to her husband's cousin.  I want to be supportive and help her...I know that she is going to need it.  Her boys (my godson's) are also going to need some extra attention. 

3.  Another good friend announced that she was pregnant.  We sort of knew that she and her husband were trying and I am happy for her.  They just found out that it's a girl. 

4.  I got a call from my sister-in-law that lives about 2 hours away.  She has a friend that had a friend that had adopted 3 children from a women and now the women is pregnant again.  Her other 3 children are happy and healthy.  The women that's adopted the other 3 could not take on another so was searching for a good family for the 4th.  By the time word got around to me...the birthmom had gotten a bus ticket to headed up north. I lost this opportunity but hope to find another one soon. 

5.  At breakfast yesterday morning good friends my husband and I told us that they finally had success with their infertility stuggle and were pregnant with at least 2...they waited to tell us until their heard a heartbeat and they heard 2 heartbeats and during an ultra sound there were 2 flutters and a sack...so there is possibly 3 babies.  I am so happy for them...they have been through so much and I know that they will be great parents. 

I am not saying that I am not happy for those pregant women...I am not saying that I won't throw them the biggest and best baby shower ever...I am not saying that I won't be there when they come home and offer to babysit or that I won't spoil these children...but I guess I am stuggling finding something for me to be happy about. 

 Here's yet another reason for me to need therapy or some good meds:)  Tuesday night my sister-in-law called me...after we chatted for a while about thing and that...she said..."Well, I wanted to let you know that Matt and I are not finished"....I knew exactly what this meant....they are adopting another child.  They have 2 beautiful girls and while I have known that they wanted more children, I knew that it was in the budget.  Well since his dad past away over the holidays and left them some money...well you guessed it baby #3 and it looks like I am going to get a nephew.  Because of the wait times, their age and other restrictions this adoption is not going to be from China.  It looks like they have found a great program with Holt International going to Ethopia and the wait is about 12 months....A year...are you kidding me...they might have a baby before I do...

I don't think things could get any worse...I guess one day I will think that this is great but right now it's killing me.  I have already told my husband that I want to go on vacation for Christmas this year...too many kids...too many emotions for me to deal with at an already difficult time of year.  For me...No baby at christmas for me=Vacation (Escape from our friends and family and all of the children)!

[goatmom4]

Feb. 11, 2008 at 2:15 PM boy I can understand that   we have four kids but the road  was not all fun we lost a daughter then had three  pregancys where  I had to be on bedrest   but they are ok now I hope you get your dream I knew  I wanted to be a mom    when I was thirteen   

[dancer]

Feb. 11, 2008 at 2:15 PM I am so sorry. U sound so sad!   What about going through an adoption agency?

[Karenanneyb]

Feb. 17, 2008 at 12:01 AM Hang in there. Your time will come as a mom...and  you will be a great one.I know its hard right now, but enjoy your life to the fullest and count your blessings. Take care.