Mama! I miss you!!!!

[RCKYMNTJOY]

 

It's been a year today Mom. I miss you so much. Sometimes I feel like your right here with me. Then, I feel silly, knowing you have other people to watch over. Daddy mostly.

Its been a real hard year Mom. First I had to get used to the phone ringing, and you NOT being on the other end. I had to get used to not calling you too. Not telling what a wonderful, or terrible day I was having.  Or hearing you tell me about the squirrels on your back fence.

I missed telling about "Gracey's" new litter of 8 puppies!  Or "Nala's" first litter of only 3 pups. How excited Robert was when they were born, that he drove all the way back from Denver, to make sure he got first pick!  Or how Beautiful our newest little "MyKayla" is. I remember how proud you were when My Matt was born. And how heart breaking it was to tell you about his living on the streets, and doing drugs, and alcohol. But Oh Mama, how he LOVES this baby. I wish you could see the way he looks at her. You would be so proud of your first Grandson now.

It was soooo hard not to pick up that phone and say, "Guess what Mama!!" It was even hard to be happy, knowing you were missing it all.

Then I had the surgery on my foot. Waking up, all groggy, knowing you weren't in the waiting room.  Karen was sooo good to me. She worked so hard to take care of me.  Making sure I had everything I needed, and that I was comfortable. Cleaning up my messes, and keeping the house in order for me. All the while, taking care of her own family, and home too. She got that built in nursing thing from you I think.  But I would have given ANYTHING in the world to have had your hand brushing my forehead. Calming me through the pain. Telling me it was going to be OK. Holding my head up, so I could get a sip of water. Standing next to me, and holding my arm to steady me, through those first few steps. Your grand daughter, my baby, did all that. And she was wonderful at it. But it just wasn't the same. It wasn't  my Mama. And doesn't that sound silly, coming from a 50 year old Grandma?

I remember standing next to your bed. Watching you take you last breaths. Knowing, knowing, that you were going to a better life. A pain-free life. Free of cancer and alzheimer's, and pain. Free to see my Grandma, and Grandpa again. Knowing they were waiting, and eager to see you, and you them.  Knowing that you had been missing them, like I am missing you now.

I feel so selfish. Like a little child. But I so wish you could hold me, just one more time. Let my tears soak your shoulder, and hear your voice tell me that you love me. 

Because Mama, on this first Valentines without you . . . I miss you, and I LOVE YOU!!!!!

 

 

 

[Bellalicious]

Feb. 14, 2008 at 11:14 PM that was beautiful and now I am  covered in my own tears!

[Perrysangel]

Feb. 14, 2008 at 11:27 PM

I had tears coming down my face as I read this. When you lose a parent it's so hard! I lost my dad & I was there with him everyday at the hospital. I was the first one they called when he passed away. I was getting ready for work when I got the call, I was alone when I got to the hospital, I was alone in the room with him. (my parents have been divorced for many yrs) it's hard, & it's a struggle for me because I was always his little girl. I miss him as you miss your mom.I take it day by day & I miss him. I wish everyday that I could hear his voice one more time. But, someday we will all be up in heaven with them. (((HUGS)))

[polkamama]

Jul. 10, 2008 at 10:50 PM I dont even know how did I get in here into reading your post but I MUST say I am SO HAPPY I DID - you made me cry and my heart grow in such a beautiful way!

[grandmomma5]

Jul. 10, 2008 at 10:58 PM The letter was beautiful, I understand exactly how you feel.  I lost my daddy 21 years ago and my granny 6 months later.  I still want to pick up the phone, to ask about a old show or talk to him about our soap opera, yep, he watched soaps!  I guess we'll never quit having these feelings, that young child in us still wants the people we love and miss.  God bless you sweetie, I feel for you.

[CeciliaLyon]

Aug. 5, 2008 at 2:22 AM

I lost my mom on 6/14/08. When I read your letter I knew exactly what you were feeling. It was like you wrote that from my mind.  I was holding  moms hand when she took her last breath. I have days when all I want is one more minute to say I love you and I miss you so much mama. She was my best friend and I talked to her every day. It still gets me that I will never feel her brush my hair or kiss my forhead again. I have days I pick up the phone to call her and it hits me that I can never do that again.  I am sending you a hug take care and know you have people out here who care.

[rosebud13]

Sep. 16, 2008 at 12:16 AM

I no how you feel.I lost my mom12 years ago:(