Blog?

[Starry_Morning]

So I've decided I'm gonna start writing "blogs" here on cafemom.  I know people don't usually read these journals too much, anyway, so it's mostly just for me.  Last night I found out that I am pregnant with #4.  I am filled with excitement, happiness, and fear.  My husband takes many medications for his lupus.  One of them, an anti-immunity steroid, is very likely to cause birth defects.  He's supposed to be off it for at least 3 months before we even try to get pregnant.  Well he was off it for a while & then started again & I'm not sure exactly where conception fell in the whole thing, but I'm praying to God that my baby is okay.  He has mentioned abortion if we find out something is gonna be seriously fucked up with our kid.  I totally hear where he's coming from and agree with him in a way, but I don't think I could give my own flesh & blood the ax.  (Please no comments about supporting abortion & shit, this is my personal journal.) 

On a lighter note, Drake is starting to stand on his own.  I can stand him up on his feet, let go, & he'll stand there for 5-10 seconds.  Last night he even took his first step!!  Although I don't know if you can really call it a "step."  He was standing there in front of my and Dad was in front of him holding his hands out, then Drake took one little step that sent him flat on his face, laughing the whole way.  What a goof! 

My oldest child, Lydia has been giving me some trouble lately.  She's such a wonderful person & I love her to death, but I swear to God sometimes that girl makes me insane.  She screams at me, tells me she hates me, all because I yell at her for something that she did wrong.  She punches walls and is often times mean & very bossy to her sister.  I know this is normal for being the oldest, but she can be really brutal.  I don't know what to do with her anymore.  Maybe she needs behavioral counseling.  My husband & I were discussing why she is like this, & we feel that it is our fault for how we've raised her thus far.  That's not to say that we raised her poorly or beat her or put her down or anything, ...but I think it's just the thing about the oldest child.  With the younger ones, you've already been through everything once or twice or however many times.  But with your first child, you don't really know what the fuck you're doing.  First borns are just bound to be fucked up.  Lol.  I'm sure that's not true all the time, but in our case I think that has a lot to do with it. 

Fortunately, my little Jasmine isn't giving me too much grief at the moment.  I am excited to have four kids.  I always wanted four, and I just love watching the dynamics between siblings in large families.  We have a very tight, close family as is & I just always figured, strength in numbers.  So hopefully, my kid won't come out with 5 arms & things will be great.  I guess we'll see.

[Dani32]

Feb. 15, 2008 at 8:08 AM

Congrats on number 4.  I hope everything is ok with your unborn baby.  I know you will do what is best for your child.  As far as the one that is giving your trouble, I have the same problem but it is with my last.  If you find a solution to the problems please let me know.  I have tried the counseling, punishments, anger management, etc. nothing works.

[96thblacksheep]

Feb. 15, 2008 at 8:33 PM congrats on the baby news- as far as the behavior- my six year old is just like that and yea she is the first born...and nothing seems to work- we should make a group of the First Born Brats (lol)- no offense meant.