Letter to Proctor and Gamble --- had to copy and repost too funny! - Journals

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Letter to Proctor and Gamble --- had to copy and repost too funny!
Feb 15, 2008 at 12:03 PM
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- madeleinefay
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This is a letter from an Austin woman, sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine
products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph... PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best
web mail-award-winning letter....
>
>
> Dear Mr. Thatcher,
>
> I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
> and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
> Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
> or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
> the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
> your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
> enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
> can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
> little F-16 in my pants.
>
>
> Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
> the 'curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
> starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
> violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my
> body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to
> call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills'. Isn't the human body
> amazing?
>
>
> As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
> seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
> customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
> about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
> intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
> surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
> week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
> boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told
> her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
>
>
> The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
> crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
> the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
> so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
> opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
> were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
>
>
> Are you f*cking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
> middle-manager brain really think happiness -- actual smiling,
> laughing, happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did
> anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did
> it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there
> will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack
> yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just
> so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting
> rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
>
>
> For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
> a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
> something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
> 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
>
>
> Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
> immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
> chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
> certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
> brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.
> Always....
>
>
> Best,
>
> Wendi Aarons
> Austin , TX

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