My most romantic Valentine's Day ever...

[007chula]

...or so it was supposed to be. This year was going to be the best because I had a man that actually loved me, and I SO love him. Well, things didn't turn out exactly like I'd hoped.  

It all started the night before. We'd been planning for a while to meet up at the Warren Community Center to go swimming with some of the ladies on here (btw-it was great seeing you Kara and Mary). Anyway, so I knew that Ron might not go with us, and that was fine. I didn't really care. But I was asking him if he was going to go, and he was upset that the kids' rooms were a mess, and the house needed to be straightened up. So I got a little upset that he chose then to ask us to do it. But whatever. I picked up a little and we left.  

We stayed at the pool for a couple of hours and had a lot of fun. Then as we were leaving, we realized that I forgot the kids needed Valentine's cards filled out for class the next day. So we go to the pharmacy to pick up some cards. At this point, it’s about 8:15ish and we haven’t eaten supper yet. I know. I’m a terrible mother. So we go through the McDonald’s drive thru.  

Ok so we’re home, eating our supper at the table and Cheli says, “Ron, are you alright?” And Ron says, “No…I’m actually the furthest thing from alright. In fact, you kids have one month to get your rooms clean and keep them clean or that’s it. I’ve had it.” Cheli says, “What do you mean?” And Ron says, “Then you’re out the door-on the street…” The kids and I were stunned. None of us knew what to say.  

If you’ve read my past journals, you know that Ron likes a clean house. Whatever, who doesn’t? But he can be very anal about it. But he’s always had an “open door” policy. His friends come over unannounced anytime and he doesn’t want to be embarrassed by a messy house. That is exactly why I HATE unannounced visitors. I don’t even like it when my family comes to visit without first telling me. I personally think that it’s incredibly rude if you go to someone’s house without calling first. There could be a million different reasons why they might not want visitors. I won’t list them, but you all know what they are.  

So Ron wants it clean, he’s given my kids this ultimatum, and we have this “deadline” to meet. I’m a little upset at this point. How do you say something like that to a 7 year old, an 8 year old, and a 12 year old that have been emotionally abused pretty much their whole lives? I mean, really? How do you sit there and threaten to take away their safe haven? The place that they call home? And then tell them that they’re going to have to live out on the street?! And how do you even say anything like this without talking to me about it first? I understand reaching your breaking point, but you don’t do this.  

So the kids finish their supper, and we get out the Valentine cards. Unfortunately Cheli hadn’t finished her homework either, so she worked on that, while Jordan did his cards. We realized that we probably shouldn’t have gone swimming at this point, but it was very much needed. We had to get away. We ended up staying up until about 10:00 getting them all done, but whatever. So the kids went to bed and I slept on the couch that night. There was no way that I was going to be able to sleep next to him, as livid as I was. 

Valentine’s morning: I wake up just as cranky as could be. I go to work and think ‘Ok, he’s going to at least send me flowers…’ So I wait all day long, and nothing. So I was even more upset. Pretty much the whole day at work I cried like a baby. Seriously. Not because I didn’t get flowers, but because of the whole situation. First of all, how do you say that without talking to me first? And second of all, how do you do that the very night before the "most romantic day of the year"? I mean, really. This was supposed to be my best Valentine's Day ever because I had Ron and I'm so in love with him...and it turned out to be the absolute worst. Even counting every one with Jorge, this one takes the cake. :( I had such high hopes for it and it was just trashed.  

While at work I decided I would take the kids out for supper. So we all (including Ron) ended up going to Big Boy and while we were waiting for a table, I swear to God they were playing every sappy love song imaginable. The first one was like, "Don't want to lose you now..." I'm like...uhhh...you're kidding right? So I started crying and had to go outside. But the music played outside too. :( The second was something about 'coming so far and not giving up now'...I'm just like, WTH? So I'm sitting there freezing my tushy off fighting the tears and Ron comes out to ask what's wrong. I'm like, "Nothing. I just needed some fresh air." Btw-the tears won. :( But the whole time we’re there, everyone is miserable. Ron and I haven’t made eye contact or really talked since the outburst…and the kids can obviously sense the tension. We got out of there as quickly as we could. 

So we get home and I have the kids give Ron his gifts. We got him Superbad, Rush Hour 3, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, a $20 Microcenter gift card, a $10 White Castle gift card, and 2 funny cards. (He wouldn't tell me what he wanted except the stupid White Castle thing.) Then I gave the kids their stuff. And Ron gave us stuff and walked away before we could even open it. He got the kids a stuffed animal each and a card. In the card he wrote: "P.S. Clean your rooms." lol I thought it was funny. He gave me a soft, suede steering wheel cover (because I mentioned I wanted one because my steering wheel gets really cold), flowers, and the sweetest card you'll ever read. I cried like a baby. It was like the most perfect card ever. I just wonder how long it took him to find it.  

Anyway...so the kids go to bed and I'm laying on the couch watching tv. It's pretty late (after 10) and Ron comes out and says, "So, are we ever going to talk about this?" So I said, "I don't know what you want me to say." I'll spare you the details, but basically the only thing that I ended up saying is that he's very anal about cleaning and if everything is not put away exactly where it's supposed to be, then he's very moody and everyone knows. He denied it to a point. So he ends up being a jerk and saying, "Well I guess the only way it'll work then is if I go around and clean up after everybody." *sigh* What? Are you 10 years old? Why do you need that sarcasm? And then later he brings the sarcasm back out again and says, "Happy Valentine's Day" when he's heading to bed. Like it was all my fault. Like I brought this wretched day upon myself. I was so upset. So that's when he went to the bedroom and I went to the bathroom to cry.  

I had to take a sleeping pill because I had such a headache and I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep with all of this stuff going through my head. Apparently Ron didn't get any sleep that night because when my alarm went off the next morning he was still in bed and he should've been long gone. I called him on the way to work and he said that he didn't get any sleep last night so he laid back down when his alarm went off. Btw-I slept on the couch again. 

I don't know what the heck I'm supposed to do. I am so scared. I don't want to lose him, but I feel like ever since he said that, we're just on a downward spiral and that's exactly where it's headed. I understand where he's coming from, but that was not the way to go about it. You don't give an ultimatum like that to kids. You don't threaten them that they won't have a home anymore if they don't clean up after themselves. We took a big risk coming out here. We gave up a lot. Granted, we've gotten a lot in return, but now I personally have nothing to my name. I didn't want to have to put everything in storage, so we gave up everything. I don't want to think about it like that, but he's the one that brought it up! Where am I supposed to go? I would either have to go live in a shelter, or live with my mom in her tiny one bedroom apartment in a town with no work. Hmmm...let's see...which would I prefer? They're kind of tied. And then, you know what? Jorge would have an excellent chance of getting custody of Cheli. :( Isn't that just great?  

So at this point, part of me is bitter; part of me is upset; and part of me is crushed. I know Valentine's Day is just another day and you can show/tell someone how much you love them any day of the week/year, but this was our first one. It was going to be special. I was going to remember it forever. Well, I will remember it forever, just not how I'd hoped. :( 

*So that was my Valentine’s Day. This weekend the kids went with their dad, so Ron and I had a weekend to ourselves. Usually we relish these times, but it was pretty much a wasted weekend. I took the kids to Jorge at about 3:30 on Saturday. Saturday night Ron and I went to Don Pablo’s. We barely spoke to each other and he was falling asleep while we were there. We were supposed to see ‘The Eye’ after we ate, but he couldn’t keep his eyes open through the meal; there was no way he’d keep them open through a movie. So we went home. Sunday afternoon we went to Wendy’s for lunch; stopped at Target for conditioner and stuff; and went to watch ‘Jumper’ with Randy. It was good.

We went home and finally ended up talking a little more about exactly how this whole situation has made me feel. I let him know that it really scared me and the kids and he said that he was really sorry that he ever said it. He had just reached the end of his rope, blah, blah, blah… He said he didn’t actually mean it and he wishes he could turn back time and take it back. But the problem is-he still said it. It still hurts. He threatened to throw me and my kids on the street if they don’t keep their rooms clean. Who does that? What mother in their right mind would not be offended and feel the need to stick up for their kids in that kind of situation? Yeah their rooms are dirty. They’re kids. It’s life. Get over it. But I’m not an idiot. I do understand that they need to clean their rooms. But to constantly be on them about it, and to threaten them like that…it’s just not right.

 

[lynmom]

Feb. 18, 2008 at 11:35 AM

men eh!!! they can all disappoint and say stupid stuff at times. ive been there too. any mum would be upset at someone saying that to her kids. children  make mess - its part of what they do. my mans obsessed with mess. (checkout my homepage and my "strict daddy" thing). i totally agree with the rudeness of the open house thing. i was brought up the same - not to just drop in on anyone, that its manners to check theyre ok with it first. my chap will just knock and walk in to his mates houses and id never do it.

the comment your man made to your children - did he really mean it? was he letting off steam the way they do? your obviously putting your kids first which is what any good mum would do. i guess you just have to keep the lines of communication open and tell him all of what you feel. if he feels same as you do he will sit down and listen to you. good luck

[RosenLici]

Feb. 18, 2008 at 11:37 AM You and your damn Books!!!

[Zamarie]

Feb. 18, 2008 at 11:42 AM I sure hope things get better.  I understand why you are so hurt.  He did threaten you kids!  What mother wouldn't feel the urge to stand up for them.  I don't know what type of person he is but he should appologize for his comments to the kids.  Granted the kids should try to clean up their rooms but come on....they are kids!  I am soo sorry you had such a bad weekend.  I sure hope things get better.  As far as how to help your kids keep their room cleaned...get some of those platic bins with lids so that they can trow their toys in them and put a lid on it.  I think you can get them for $4 or $5 dollars at Target.  I got my daughter some (she is 3yrs)  and I remind her to throw all her toys in their after she is done playing.  I also got her a cute Princess basket at put that in her room so that every time she changes clothes she can put her dirty clothes in there.  Boy does she love to change clothes (at least 3-4 times a day).  I gave up on telling her not to change so I figured I would get her a basket so at least now she doesn't leave her clothes scattered all over the room (most of the time).  Anyway if Ron doesn't apologize to the kids...you should talk to the kids and tell them that Ron apologized to you for his comments to them and that he was just frustrated and didn't know how to express himself to them.  Let them know that he does realize it was wrong what he said but that he would like for them to try to keep their rooms clean.  Try something fun with them.  Make a chart and put chores on them.  Like pick up toys, make your bed, put clothes away (what ever you see that they should be doing to keep their room clean)  Put a sticker under each chore that they do and when they reach X amount they get a prize.  What ever you decide (icecream, cake, movie, swimming).  You can even make it a group effort to where if they help each other then can get more stickers on thier chore chart.  You know kind of like how they would do in Elementary for when you were good or did your homework.  Good luck.  I hope this helps.

[maikailahsmom]

Feb. 18, 2008 at 11:47 AM

AWW...WHAT A ASS...hugs

 

[girl_in_the_D]

Feb. 18, 2008 at 12:58 PM uggg...im sorry you and the kids had to go thru this. Especially at on Valentines day. Im sure its hard for him to adjust to having kids in the house full time. Maybe you two can get some counseling? I know you and the kids have some baggage from your previous relationship and im not sure Ron can know where your coming from. I think things will work out for you and it sounds like its just going to take a little while to figure it all out. Just remember, anything worth having is worth fighting for :)

[Jfactor]

Feb. 18, 2008 at 1:10 PM I'm sorry your Valentine's Day was ruined - that must have been awful for your kids. I hope you will learn something from this though and get some things in your name. It would be terrible for you and your kids to be out and not have a back-up or anything. I know you love Ron very much but it sounds like you care more than he does...about everything!

[maryndoug52304]

Feb. 18, 2008 at 5:09 PM

GEEZE GIRL! can't say that I've read this- yet.. but I will... its a freakin book and I can't wait to read it! LOLOL

[maryndoug52304]

Feb. 18, 2008 at 10:01 PM wow... verbatim of what we talked about the other night. Again, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. If you ever need to just call and rant I am here for you!
Love ya girl!

[daphniela]

Feb. 19, 2008 at 10:30 AM My bf does most the cleaning..... He hates a mess. I am much more lenient when it comes to that.

[Mommy2aQT]

Feb. 20, 2008 at 8:31 AM

I am sorry he did this to you.  When he said it, he probably didn't realize how awful he was being.  He had no right to threaten you.  As with all relationships though, some sort of compromise should happen(relationships are so much work, sigh.. I wish they were more fairy tale..)

If for whatever reason the kids' rooms are not clean(um, they are kids... rooms get messy), can they just keep their doors shut???  Maybe each one should have a hamper, so no clothes on the floor.. a rule for no food in the rooms.. and beds should always be made.  Just a couple simple things.  A room always looks neater with a made bed.

If he gets worse(which it sounds like he won't, he really loves you, it's just that they ALL have flaws, and his is his analness).... You just do what you have to do.  

We're all here for you if you need to vent... but hopefully it was just a bad day, and you guys can move on.... HE BETTER BEHAVE HIMSELF!!!  He's got to count his blessings!  You have a beautiful fun family!