Ten Tiny Fingers... a birthmom's side of the story

Ten Tiny Fingers... a birthmom's side of the story
Feb 22, 2008 at 12:04 AM
By Anonymous
Comments (6) Total Views (232) Everyone can see this journal post.

I am a birthmom. Nobody knows this (not even my family). I held it in secret, I speak of it almost never. All this talk of adoption here on cafemom got some memories swirling up for me. I wrote a poem to share with you all about my experience.

To all you adoptive moms... please love your children with all your heart. For these children are TRULY a gift to you... not only from God but from your child's first mom as well.

Adoption is not an easy choice for birthmothers. It is brave and should be respected as such. It is not something that is considered lightly. These children grow within our bodies for 9 months. We are the first to feel them kick, we are the first to hear them cry. We are the first to bond with these children, yet unselfishly, we give them away to ensure they have a better life. This decision haunts us for the rest of our lives. Holidays, birthdays, the birth of our other children.

The hardest thing for me is having to speak of this. I found that out when I got pregnant with my second son. The ob/gyn asked if I had any other children and I broke down on the table bawling my eyes out. "YES I HAVE ANOTHER CHILD... but he was adopted, and although I love him with all my heart, he is no longer mine".

Ten tiny fingers

Ten tiny toes,

I counted them myself

And gently kissed you on the nose.

You are my first born baby

my beautiful son

the first to sleep inside my womb

always my number one.

I think of you often,

I remember the day

That you were born from my body

yet I gave you away

I try not to revisit

the memories in my heart

it is too painful to recall

the moment our bond split apart

I love you forever

Like a ghost of my past

I reach out to hold you

and you fade away fast

I know that she loves you

I hope that you're well

adoption was horrific

but abortion would've been hell

ten tiny fingers

ten tiny toes

I remember weeping as I handed you over

and for the last time I kissed you on your nose.

I love you Will !!!!!!

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Feb. 22, 2008 at 12:11 AM That was beautiful!!

p2of9

Feb. 22, 2008 at 1:00 AM sweetie let me tell you I have never adopted but I would in a heartbeat. I know that a mother who MAKES the choice herself is doing it because she loves the child enough to say I cannot do this and do it right for you currently. your unselfishness was a gift to someone else. There is a special place in God's house for you. May you continue to be richly blessed and anionted by God in your daily walk...