I should be sleeping ~ What do I do?

[Krajcimama]

Said I was ready for spring and we're getting dumped on by snow...2 to 4 inches by morning and then it's going to change over to a wintery mix...ugh. 

 

I should be sleeping - it's after midnight...but I have to wait for my SIL to get home and send me a message.  Her husband of 10 years just told her that the last 10 years of their life was a mistake.  They have 4 kids all under the age of 6 ~ she just doesn't know what to do or where to turn.  She came over, even though the weather was awful, because she couldn't be in the same house as him.  She's on her way back, though and is suppose to send us a message when she gets there so we know she is safe.  I'm worried about her...not only in the snow, but also what she is going to do.  She is just so sad and feels like her heart has been ripped out.  All the signs have been there . . . this isn't some huge surprise or like he dropped a big bomb.  But she's hurting and I know that  she held out hope the whole time that things would change - but the past 2 days have kind of revealed that they aren't going to change.  He basically told her that it's over and she should move on with her life...but what is she suppose to do with 4 kids under 6 and no one to help her?  She's not working...she just had a hip replacement...and they have bills, etc.  He's just going to leave and walk away and not take care of his kids beyond financial support.  I don't know how to help her - I've never been in this situation.

 

Worst of all - she still loves him and feels like she's lost her best friend and soulmate.  How do I comfort her in this situation? 

 

Anyone have any idea what she should do?  What I should do?   

[kki2700]

Feb. 22, 2008 at 10:41 AM

that really stinks!!!!  Good luck to her, hopefully with your help she will be able to get through this!!!

Men can be such jerks!!!

[jakesmama52707]

Feb. 25, 2008 at 8:25 PM

Oh Honey my heart goes out to her. What she needs to do is going to be the hardest. She needs to lift her head. Look at those babies and realize that she has gotta keep going for those babies. She is a strong woman. and so are. All you can do is hold her hand and tell her you are going to be there for her. All you can do is offer help where you can. Whether that is to be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on or help with the kids or give her a moment to get away from it all. You are a strong and amazing woman and the fact that you care so much about her says so much. I have no idea what it is like to be in her shoes but I know what its like to have a dead beat like that walk out and not give a damn. Guess what. My bio dad was nothing but a heart break and a check in the mail. When my adopitve dad walked in he was amazing and that is my daddy. So he is making the biggest mistake of his life. Those babies are going to get to a point where they do not care about him. He is little minded and does not relalize that kids need both parents. If he was man enough to lay in the bed with her, he needs to be man enough to finish raising those kids. There are four of em. I can not believe him. He needs a good butt beating. and I am thinking of you all. I will have your family in my prayers. I am so sorry this has happened.

Britt  

[jakesbride110]

Apr. 14, 2008 at 4:41 PM

I feel horrible for her! That is one of the hardest things to go through. I watched my mother go through that when I was 3 soon to be 4. She knew I understood to an extent but she didn't realize how much. When my dad was leaving I knew he wouldn't be back. I remember sitting in the front seat of his truck while they were arguing, and my mom was begging him to stay. I locked myself in the truck with the keys laying on the seat next to me. I didn't unlock the door for approx. 10 min. until he PROMISED to come back for me. I made him promise.The reason I tell you this is because, as young as I was, I comprehended exactly what was going on and it effected me GREATLY as a young child. After he left, he never came back. I watched my mother stand in front our screen door and cry, or sit looking out the window while crying. At night she would go into the bathroom and let the water run in the bath tub for hours and cry. She had no idea I noticed these things. She did her best to keep her hurt from me but she couldn't.

My advice is, yes tell her to be strong for her babies. But remind her that they will always be there for her no matter how young they are. They will all understand to a certain extent, and they will help her through this. My mother tried to hold on to my father, and I believe that made it worse. It seemed like the harder she held on, the more he pushed away. The hurt won't go away no matter what. I do have a few suggestions however, I don't feel it is my place. Everyone's situation is different. You just being there to listen is wonderful. I know she needs someone like you to help her vent her hurt and frustration. I Greatly Sympathize, and I'm very very sorry she has to go through this. No woman or man should ever have to lose there best friend in such a way. I wish my mother could have had a friend like you when she needed it. I know that must help tremendously. =)