Well let me start off by saying that i am a very lucky person. I have a beautiful 1 year old son and an amazing husand of 4 years. It took us 3 years and 2 miscarriages to have Ryan. We decided a few months ago that we would start trying for baby number 2 because i don't want them to far apart. In about 3 months of trying i found out we were pregnant and i was through the roof with excitement. Well that was until i realized that we are renting a crappy 2 bedroom row home and are out of space with one child so i could i bring another one here?? My husband was injured at work almost 2 years ago and the place he works refused to pay. So we lost everything...our home(that we owned),our truck,quads and more. We ended up having to file bankruptcy. So i had to pack up the beautiful nursery that my husband made for our baby and move to this horrible place.When we found out we were pregnant again that easily we were kinda shocked. It is bad enough we had to live here with our son but i wasnt bringing another little one here.We were going to start looking to rent because we couldn't buy a home yet due to the chapter 7. My parents decided that they wanted to help us out. So they got preapproved for a mortgage and we started house hunting(i have the best parents in the world). Well we found this adorable 3 bedroom house with a nice yard that backs up to he woods my husband hunts in. We made an offer and they accepted it. We are going to pay the mortgage to my parents for 2 years the buy the house off of them. I started to daydream of sitting on the back porch swing rocking our newborn and watching my son and dog play in our yard. It seemed like things were FINALLY falling into place. I felt like if it wasnt for our new little miracle we would have never dared to chase our dreams of getting back into a place that was our "HOME". The day before Valentine's Day we had our second ultrasound for the baby. I was about 10 weeks. I could tell by the look on the techs. face something was wrong.i could see the baby on the screen but something wasnt right. It didnt look the same and i couldnt see the heartbeat. She excused herself out of the room and came back in with the doctor. By this time one of the nurses had gone to the waiting room and got my husband and son. The doctor looked at me and he looked so sad i said whats wrong and he said i am so sorry but it seems like at some point in the last two weeks your baby died. At first i just heard words i didn't understand i was so overwhelmed. He said we need to go in and take the baby out! My son was turning one on Saturday and i had family parties line up all weekend. This doctor wanted me to walk around with my dead baby inside of me untl MONDAY!!!! I said there is no way i can do that. I just kept saying "it has to come out.. .why wont it come out" . the doctor said dont eat after midnight and keep your phone on i will squeeze you in tomorrow. The room started to spin....i couldn't catch my breath....i just needed to get outside.The whole way home i just kept crying and the words dead baby kept running through my mind. I have had miscarriages before but nothing comared to the thought that i was walking around loving being pregnant and my baby was dead. Our valentine's day was spent in the hospital. They put me under and did a D & E ( dialate and evacuation). I woke up and when i realized what happened i just couldnt stop weeping.i felt like i let my husband down.i know he was devistated but he wouldnt admit it.he was trying to stay strong for me.I did feel better that the baby wasnt inside of me dead anymore.My husband took me home and suprised me with beautiful flowers.Everyone told me to cancel the weekends events but my husband told me i would feel worse if i did and he was right. It wasn't my sons fault that all of this happened. I am still sad but everyday gets a little better. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason. This made my marriage even stronger. Moving to our new home is a little bittersweet. We are so happy but we also feel like something is missing. I like to believe that if it wasnt for me getting pregnant with that little baby we would have ever started our lives in our new home. I am planting a little tree in the backyard for our little angel that we will never meet. We left pretty much everything in our old house when we moved. So now i have to start over and try to get new appliances and stuff. I just can't wait to start fresh. Just remember to always be thankful for what you have. Its very easy to want what others have but at the end of the day its the loves of our lives that make us rich.not a nice car or fancy clothes. don't ever take things forgranted!!!!