Not having John here has been difficult. Being without that other parent with two crazy little boys running about is hard work! I mean I love them to death, but getting a hour or two away from them every couple weeks or so is hard. If I worked outside the house, maybe I wouldn't feel this way, but being with them all day everyday is trying. I love them, and we have alot of fun. They are too funny together! I just sometimes feel so stressed and helpless. Especially when one of them is having a bad day. It makes me wonder if I could ever be a full time single parent. I have my doubts. John is such a terrific dad and he helps me keep my own patience when it comes to the boys. Without his being here and me having to be Mommy and Daddy, my patience is almost shot. I do remind myself constantly that they too, can feel and sense that things are different and that Mommy is feeling stressed. I know that does things to their own personal temperaments as well as my own. I'm just so glad that John's lucky enough to not have to be on a deployment for a year or longer. I don't know that I could last. I think I'd literally lose my mind. It's mostly the crying and whining that grates on me. I can only take so much and sometimes I feel like it's an all day thing, with my only relief coming at naptime or even bedtime. The time they are asleep sometimes doesn't feel long enough. Ha ha! I try to get time away, but I feel as though, I get away and my stress level just completely fades. Then I get them back and within and hour or two, it's all back. I just try to take deep breaths and keep my cool. I know kids cry and this is all apart of being a parent and not only a parent, but a military wife and life as well. I remember all those things and try to remain upbeat. As much as I love the boys as babies, and I'm not in a hurry to see them become little boys, and young men and then grown men, I do on some level want them to leave this stage behind. I'm just so thankful that I have a husband who wants to be here and be involved and is willing to help me out with raising our children, despite the judgment that has been placed upon he and myself and our relationship from other outside parties. I will be so glad to have Daddy home again. Not so that he can take the reigns completely, but so that we can again share in the responsibilities and the joys of our little family.