Wow, home-schooling just to spite?

[NoNonsenseMama]

Ok, my mother is sometimes, for lack of a better word, a huge b-word.  I love her, but I really thinK i only love her because she's my mother, not because she's lovable in anyway shape or form.

She KNOWS I've been debating homeschool vs. private/public school.  I have only recently realized there's just no way that the public (or private) school system is best for my kids. 

Have I admitted this may not work and I may "fail" at this?  YES.  Have I contemplated the pros and cons of BOTH types of schooling?  YES.  Have I thought about all the challenges I may face doing this?  YES.

Heck, I'm still LEARNING about it.  I feel overwhelemed.  My mom is asking me if my text and curriculum are already being sent to me.  What?  Gah.  I love her, I do, but seriously, she needs to get off my back!  Then I tell her I've recently joined a yahoo!group for homeschoolers in my area, in Modesto (we're in Turlock, so a whopping 15 minutes away) and she starts insulting THAT.  "Oh, MODESTO!  You're in TURLOCK.  See, if she went to school she'd have kids in her own town!"  To which I replied that it's a MODESTO AREA group (as if that wasn't already a no brainer) and that she'll have her SIBLINGS, doens't get much closer to home than that!  Not to mention get togethers with the HS group, extra curricular activities, La Leche League meetings, play dates, etc.  She'll HAVE a social life, I'll MAKE SURE of it. 

She's acting like I haven't thought this through.  I've admitted I'm still not sure how it works (like WHERE I get text and how I know what to get etc) but I'm doing my best to figure it out!  She said that I'm doing this to SPITE her, because I got upset with her after she was insulting my choices and my capabilities!  She was CRYING because my daughter won't get the "kindergarten experience" and you only get "one chance". 

Grr!  To top it off, the conversation ended with her telling me she'll "Try not to say 'I told you so' when it doesn't work".  Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence!  Just like when I decided I would do child led weaning, just like when I decided we weren't going to vaccinate (at least not now, probably not ever), when I make ANY decision that isn't the same as all the other sheeple.  Instead of being proud that I'm QUESTIONING everything and RESEARCHING my options, I'm irresponsible, or spiteful.  I can't believe that she could possibly think that I base my parenting decisions on how it will affect HER.  I base them on my CHILDREN and what I feel is best for THEM.  What kind of mom does that?  What kind of mother makes you to feel like a constant failure?  Mine, I guess...

[llansky]

Mar. 2, 2008 at 2:08 PM thats how my dad makes me feel. thats why i haven't talked to him in... well, i don't remember the last time i talked to him! give her an ultimatum: either she can support you and help you, or she can just not be included in yours or your children's life at all. stop telling her what you're doing if all she does is degrade you for it. you and your kids deserve better! what kind of role model is she to your children? you don't want them to grow up to be sheeple too! have you tried to minimize her involvement at all?

[momnlovinit]

Mar. 2, 2008 at 2:11 PM I totally hear you on this one. Both my parents were school teachers and they both are appalled at homeschooling. so when I even made it an option they shot it to hell. Mine will go to a private christian school in the fall. Good luck

[mmtosam06]

Mar. 2, 2008 at 2:16 PM ugh im still contemplating on homeschooling but i have a ways to go before i really do it

[patticakez]

Mar. 2, 2008 at 2:29 PM aw hunny bunny im sorry :( she does sound like a big ol B word. but good for you for doing what is best for your children! :D i agree with what llansky said

[catholicmamamia]

Mar. 2, 2008 at 2:38 PM

Hi, sweetie. I know you love your mom, but..she is wrong. You are so strong and smart. You know what is best for your children. I am sorry she does not see what we see. You can do this!!

Homeschooling can be as strict or as easygoing as you need. The amazing part of homeschooling is..just like breastfeeding..your children receive exactly what they need, when they need it. It is ok to not have a strict lesson plan and to go with the flow. Knowing your personality, maybe consider checking out a book on 'unschooling'? Life provides practically all the lessons we need. Solid bookwork can be used to fill in the gaps (english, math, etc.)

I trust your judgement..and support your decision. You are doing great!!

[doulala]

Mar. 2, 2008 at 2:39 PM She doesn't know what you KNOW: your children (from their mother's perspective). ~~ONLY YOU KNOW THAT.~~ You can investigate and research the options and "keep her afloat" of YOUR findings (if you wish). It's not her business in the end, and if she wants in on the conversation she'll need to be open-positive-supportive. I am sorry you're going through this. You are supported (maybe not by her), but I am here!! I decided not to homeschool "minutes" before the school year started last September, you may recall... But I am still all for it!

[LoreleiRhine]

Mar. 2, 2008 at 3:33 PM I understand how you feel and I am sorry to hear that there are soooo many people out there who act the way your mother does.  Both the parents who raised me and the parents who concieved me are this way and that is why we 1. do no speak to my birth parents and 2. are moving across the country away from all of the other negative ickie people out here in siberia (AKA Michigan).  I wish people were less selfish and I am trying very hard to get people who are degrading out of my and my childrens lives.  It is so much harder when it's your parents.   I wont say all of the cleches you already know.  Just sorry that it happens and later you will feel better because you know what you are doing is best fo your babies and it is insignificant what other people think/say about it.   **hugs**

[essence11]

Mar. 2, 2008 at 6:17 PM You do what you want to do, your the mother now and she either has to see at her level or it wont work.  I think she probably deep down is scared that somehow she didnt do the best job and she doesnt want you to make a mistake.  You are your own person and you have your own mind and you know whats best for your family.  They always say two women in a house is one to many!  Goodluck!

[celticreverie]

Mar. 2, 2008 at 7:28 PM

Mine too, dear, mine too. :(

I am so sorry. But you are NOT a failure, you are a good mother. You are a caring, responsible, and wonderful mother. Ignore what your mother says, or tell her strait up that it is NOT about how the decisions effect her, but how they effect your children. Her opinions are just that, hers, and they do not make them right. :(

 Lots of hugs dollface!

[llansky]

Mar. 2, 2008 at 7:42 PM another thing to think about: she had her chance at motherhood and doing the things she thought were right for her kids. this is YOUR turn now. she's done raising children! you've only just begun. you will never know if homeschooling is right for your children or not if you listen to her. imagine the things your kids might miss out on if you never give them the opportunity! you definitely need to keep doing your research, and give it a try if you think it will work for YOUR KIDS, not for your mom! if it doesn't work out, well then so what? you tried, and thats VERY important! i hope things work out for you... maybe you need to sit your mom down and show her everything you've learned, all the statistics and facts. will she immediately roll her eyes, or will she atleast give you the time of day?