Snow Blows

[PlanetMom]

Snow Blows

 

I’m seriously considering the idea of becoming a hermit during the winter months—or at least I might try selling the notion to my kids. Whoever said that taking them outside to play in the snow is an idiot-proof activity and completely worth the Herculean effort it takes to get them there ought to have his (or her) head examined. Get real.

 

By the time I outfit my six-year-old twins with the recommended 67 layers of clothing, fill my pockets with Kleenexes and Cheerios, visit the bathroom sixteen times and then dress like an Eskimo myself, I’m spent. Forget frolicking in the snow; I’m ready for a nap.

 

The couch beckons, TV Land coaxes and I’m practically hypnotized by those big, feathery flakes, gently floating to the earth outside my warm and cozy abode. Add a toasty parka to the mix and it’s the perfect recipe for a premier dozing session—except for the fact that I can’t sleep through incessant whining. Curses!

 

Eventually, I cave to their wishes. The dreadful begging and pleading that ensues after each and every snowfall (even when the silly stuff scarcely covers a blade of grass) is almost too much to bear. And in accordance with the Statutes of Mommyhood, it is my sworn duty to muster the gumption necessary to take the urchins outside for awhile—regardless of how personally taxing that might be. By then I’m usually sick to death of playing referee and mining Play-Doh from the carpet anyway, so pretty much anything carries more appeal. “Maybe they’ll wear themselves out and go to bed early,” I reason. “Or maybe I’ll stumble into that loathsome Punxsutawney Phil character and beat him senseless for the lies he’s told.” Either thought makes me giddy; so off I go.

 

It’s not so bad, really, once I get into the spirit of things and step into the great outdoors. In fact, it brings to mind many fond memories of those brilliant Stonehenge replicas I created as a kid (you know, the boulder-sized chunks of snow that litter the yard till springtime). Lopsided snowmen, with personality and charm galore, top my list as well. No wonder my kids think I’m the cat’s kazoo when it comes to having fun in the snow—I’ve got decades of experience after all. But then again, they’re easily impressed.

 

After we’ve built an igloo of sorts, some gargantuan snowpeople and roughly 327 snow-angels, someone has to pee. It’s a rule. I have done the research and have confirmed the existence of a direct correlation between the amount of clothing that one must remove and the urge to tinkle. A related study on the relationship between swimming in the ocean and kids’ incontinence is scheduled for July. No doubt, scores of parents will be eager to have their suspicions validated once and for all.

 

Aside from those bothersome interruptions, winter outings with kidlets can also include a gamut of glitches—like pants that won’t stay tucked into boots, mittens that wind up either soaked or missing altogether and hats that spend more time on snowmen than on the children who build them. Need I even mention tiny, reddened hands and faces—the ones that get numb with cold long before said condition is brought to anyone’s attention?

 

“But Mom, I like to eat the snow. I want MORE!” Much to my chagrin, she who uttered those very words recently flopped down on her belly, thrust her entire face into a mountain of snow and devoured bite after delectable bite—steam shovel style. Kodak moments don’t get any better.

 

Perhaps in the end there are a few redeeming qualities inherent in the whole taking-the-elfin-creatures-outside-in-the-snow thing. For instance: What wintry day would be complete without hurling a few thousand snowballs at those we love—or tucking a few icy orbs inside a pocket for safekeeping? (Don’t laugh; I’ve seen that trick). And who could forgo the thrill and pure exhilaration of racing down an insanely steep, ice-covered patch of terrain on a rickety old sled, grunting and groaning with every teeth-jarring jolt? It would be a sin. Even plain old trudging around in the white stuff, wandering aimlessly just to hear it crunch underfoot, never enthused so many—illustrating the beauty of cheap entertainment.

 

The hermit idea still works for me, however.

 

Planet Mom: It’s where I live. Visit me there at www.notesfromplanetmom.com.

 

Copyright 2008 Melinda L. Wentzel

[JulieJacobKyle]

Mar. 6, 2008 at 2:22 PM I used to live in the miserable Midwest.  The awesome weather was one of the top reasons for moving to Sunny Las Vegas in 2005.  I haven't been back to IL or WI since.

[Navymama]

Mar. 6, 2008 at 2:43 PM We're from IL! We moved to SC for awhile and it was great no snow all year. Now we live in WI. I HATE it. I am so ready for winter to be over with. I can't stand anymore. My 2 year has taken to taking EVERYTHING out of her toy-box because well there's nothing else to do. I can't wait to take her outside again. Thank goodness I'll be BACK in SC in a few year!

[JulieJacobKyle]

Mar. 6, 2008 at 4:38 PM I've lived in DeKalb Illinois, Menomonee Falls Wisconsin, and Watertown Wisconsin.  All cold, cruddy, icky.  Navymama, where in WI are you?

[Navymama]

Mar. 6, 2008 at 5:47 PM We're in Verona, WI right now. Lived in Mattoon, IL until i got married at 18 though.

[MyMariah]

Mar. 8, 2008 at 1:18 AM l] Love the snow! LOL :-) i;M IN oHIO AND WE ARE GETTING HIT WITH ALMOST A FOOT NOW! :-)