Griffin- 2006 to 2008

Griff was a neighborhood stray when he came to me. A teenaged tabby with a pitiful meow that followed me home from the mailbox. I opened the front door to my house and he waltzed in, making himself at home. The rumor mill said that a boyfriend and girlfriend a few streets over had split and when the woman moved out the man turned her cat out on the street. I would be angry about that, someone turning out a helpless animal in a petty act of spite, except that one man's moment of malice brought a sweet, gentle animal into my home.

Griff was a lover, not a fighter. He loved everyone, perfectly happy to curl up in any lap that would have him. My toddler dragged him around the house with all the subtle tenderness of a WWF pro, but Griff never let out so much as a wimper of dissaproval. He played with my dog, a german shepard mix 7 times his weight and he even rekindled the spirit of play in my stodgy old house cat Goblin, who at the mature age of 4 years was beyond such frivilous fun.

Unfortunately teenagers grow up and Griff was no different. Like any animal he began to hear the call of nature and developed the yearning to roam the night. I tried keeping him in but he would roam the house bellowing to be let out and with that didn't work he began to spray. I couldn't afford to have him neutered, so I reluctantly began letting him out at night. I kept hoping.... maybe this month I can squeeze in a trip to the vet, but when it came between paying for gas, groceries, and rent or getting Griff nuetered it wasn't really a choice.

He came home three days ago, bloody and limping. He had been clipped by a car at some point during his nightly rounds. At first I had hoped he would recover.... he still has use of his legs and was eating and drinking some. After a few days though it became obvious that he wasn't getting any better. I took him into the vet this morning, knowing full well that odds were, I wouldn't be bringing him home. The vet told me he had nerve damage in his spine that was affecting his bladder control. He wasn't able to relieve himself and his bladder was near to rupturing. Even if they emptied his bladder there in the office and sent him home with medications for the pain, he would never regain the function again and wouldn't be able to live a normal healthy life.

I had to say goodbye to Griff this morning and hello to my guilt for not getting him nuetered when I should have, for not protecting him well enough. He was a sweet, gentle, playful creature and now he is resting in a place without pain and hardship. I hope I loved him well enough while I had him and I hope that I am fortunate enough to be graced again with a cat of his caliber. My sadness and my guilt are my burdens to bear, not his. His energy has returned to the fold, woven back into the web of life. He has learned what mysteries lie beyond the veil, as we all some day must.

Tags: loosing a cat, saying goodbye, pets, loss

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