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Her Father...
- Mar 10, 2008 at 3:07 PM
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- Comments (4) Total Views (213) Everyone can see this journal post.
Oh wow... how do I even begin... well I suppose from the start would be the best place huh?...
I was 17 years old when I met Nick... he was 24 years old and all I ever thought I wanted. He was older, independant,
mysterious, exciting and most of all.. a bad boy supreme. I had a pretty shitty life so I was always secretly waiting
for my knight in shining armor to come rescue me from the insanities of my family. Oh my.. I loved him so much. He
was simply the entire world to me, all wrapped up in one body. I followed him everywhere, and there was rarely
a day you would see us with out one another. Whether I was skipping school to ride around in his work truck
with him, or lying to my mother so I could spend the night in his bed, wrapped in his arms. We were best friends, and
even strangers on the street would come up to us and comment on how you could see the love we held for
one another in each other's eyes. And it was true...
My family took very well to Nick when he and I first started dating. Why wouldn't they? He basically paid my way
for everything, kept me out of the house and was just a great guy. He had a good job and was very giving. Being a
middle child, and only having a resume full of asshole ex boyfriends, I wasn't used to such kind
treatment or being spoiled. All I knew if I would die for that man.
We had our problems, just like any couple, but they never really had anything to do with us.. it was usually others
getting involved in our business and trying to cause problems for us. We never swayed in their storms or lies though..
Nick and I were always good at having one another's backs and sticking together. I thought we would be able to
over come anything... I thought we would be together forever... I was young and idiotic..
When I was 18, after a fight held with my mother, Nick and I fled to Houston from Pittsburgh. It was his home town
and he had family down there. I had a Camaro I had just purchased and about 3500 in the bank, left over
from an inheritence I had recieved. So we did it. We left. And I loved it. I was always the type of teenager who wanted
to run off and be a rebel in my own way. I came from a home where my mother kept you on such a tight leash
you would want to hang yourself with it. I was finally free from that. I was free to do as I pleased.
At first it was weird adjusting to but after long I found myself so happy. We had our own apartment and
this amazing little married life. The money was coming in by the bundles!! But it was hard for me to find a way to
tell Nick that the money wasn't all that mattered. After 9 months, the stress and lonliness of being in a one bedroom
apartment six days a week for twelve hours a day was starting to get to me and I became so home sick that
I was starting to get anxiety attacks...We moved back to Pittsburgh..but not before getting married..
It wasn't long after we got to Pittsburgh that I became pregnant with Hannah. Nick had always wanted a child,
and he longed to be a father, his own father had ran away from his mother and left her raising Nick on her own,
until that is, she found his step dad. Nick swore he would never be such a father to his own children. I felt confidant
in the type of dad he would be. Hell, he reminded me of my step dad and I figured, that means he HAS to be a good daddy.
When I was three months pregnant my mother kicked me out, once again over Nick... we lived in a homeless shelter
for two months. We came back home after something had happened to Hannah's heartbeat and we had to undergo special
ultrasounds. When I was six months pregnant... my marriage forever changed...
Now I have always known that Nick is a story teller. I never really minded because I figured, it wasn't really
effecting our lives and so no harm, no foul. But only 3 months before the due date of my darling daughter, I went
onto my myspace and find an email from some girl I had never met. Once I opened the email, my world crashed
around as I read from one word to the next. By the end of the message it had been revealed that I was not Nick's
only wife. In fact, he had married before when he was 18, and never legally got divorced, nor told me about it! I barged into
the bedroom and couldn't even get the words out of my mouth before I was bawling on the floor. Weeks went by where
lies had to be untangled and we snuck around like rats. He was going to leave back for Texas then.. I should have let him.
He always wanted to leave when things got hard, especially if he was the one who looked like the bad guy. Stupidly enough
I forgave him and tried to move past the fact that our marriage was null and void and that there was this bitch
out there prancing around with MY husband's name on her leg. It tore me up inside, and from that I grew very
depressed. I couldn't believe I was allowing this to happen to myself. Before long though I figured it as a moment
in his past that he didn't want to bring up. Even though he SHOULD have, I found it in my heart to forgive him. I never
wanted to let him go with out a fight. Sadly though, he would never fight for me, which made me feel so worth less.
We argued more after Hannah was born. Nick wasn't working, he would sit around and get high all of the time, and it would
annoy the hell out of me. When he finally did get a job, they fucked him over and pretty much, he didn't get paid. He would
get on the computer there, and would flirt. I would find my way into his email accounts, and everytime he and I would fight,
he would figure it as a pass to go and talk to other women online. Everytime confronted he lied at least in some part.
Just when I thought we were over everything, Nick tells me he is going to Texas to see his sick mother... I figure, fine
your mom is sick, we will take the baby to go and see her. At the last minute.. he tells me that he is going alone.. but will be back..
a huge fight erupts.. and basically... he left without us..with out even saying good bye (he did not live with us since Hannah was 3 months old) and only made minimal
attempts to contact us. He has been gone about 2 months now, and hasn't sent a fucking penny to help out, and now no longer
even calls to see how she is doing. He is a fucktard supreme... and I hate him.
Comments:
Hon, I too hope that you dont fall for another ASS like him! I too tended to date assholes...and then I married one! Granted hes not an ass everyday, but pretty close to call sometimes! My hubby has 5 children! Yup 5 and the oldest lives with us, and of course our 2 kids. The other 2 stepchildren live in TN now and I have a hard time imagining how you can let someone leave with your children! Wont be happening to me!
So how do you get by with your daughter and your nieces? I cant imagine doing this without my mom helping me! Sounds like you have a Love/Hate realtionship with her too!
Well I hope and Pray that good comes your way! I have a hot brother!!! Hes dumb...but cute...things even out!! Hahahaha! I love him, but man sometimes I think what a freakin idiot he is!
My heart absolutely broke for you when I read this. You are one amazing woman! I have so much respect for you - I don't know how you dot it! I am fortunate to have a great husband and it's still hard sometimes with a baby, so I admire you so so much!
My biological dad walked out on us too when I was 8, so I know the pain that something like that can cause. I pray that your daughter will not experience that kind of pain. But I think with a mother like you, she's gonna be one great woman someday!
I read a lot of your posts and comments in the July 2007 babies group, and I always love what you have to say. Please don't ever forget what a great woman you are and know that you are influencing others in a positive way. You'll be in my prayers.
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- NannyB.
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