Am I right or wrong to feel this way?

[ajrobbins]

Sooo......a little bit of history here, bear with me.  My oldest was born in NC in 2000, my parents were very poor, but my mom scrinched and saved to fly out to see my daughter when she was 2-3 months old.  We then moved to CA at the end of 2000 and this was the first time my inlaws saw her (they have plenty of money, not rich, but plenty of extra money).  We lived within 10 minutes of my inlaws the entire time we lived in CA and we all were within a half hour from the hospital out there.  I had my 2nd DD in 2002.......they did not bother to come to see me at all in the hospital or be there when she was born.  MY MOM, yet once again worked it out to come visit me, this time when my 2nd was 2 weeks old.  We now live in CO and I just had my 3rd DD, most of my family was there for me when I had her, along with my sis with my kids.  My inlaws said they would try to come out in Nov. (baby was born in Oct.) and they had some excuse they couldn't get the time off.  She is now 4 1/2 months old, and they haven't seen her yet.

Also, when my DD #2 was 9 months old, she was hospitalized for a week.........they (inlaws) came up once for an hour during that time and that was because I called them and asked if they could bring me some real food.  MY mom would have been there almost as much as I was if she could have..........whatever visiting hours would allow.

 Now........my SIL just had her baby yesterday (yes I am happy for her and to be an auntie) and my MIL was there for it all and that hospital was about 2 hours away for her.  Also, she has booked a flight to go to my other SIL's house in AL for her BABY SHOWER in May.  This really bothers me, not because I am their DIL........but my DH isTHEIR SON!  What makes their daughters more important than their son?  Now, granted they did give us a $6,000 loan after the baby came because I was out for 3 months and we were very far behind on bills, but I am really feeling like they are turning us into an outcast here.

Awhile back my MIL tells me that she wants all of us out there for Christmas next year.  ALL of us.  Now, even if I could afford to do this........how in the world am I going to transport 3 kids, christmas presents, AND santa presents?  I really don't get this.  I told her it would be better to try for Thanksgiving, but she is sooooo deadset on Christmas........and now with the recent events of her being at my SIL's birth and going to the other one's baby shower........I am even more reluctant to go!  I am tempted to tell her we are staying here for Christmas no matter what (well, my grandfather will most likely come so he maks a GREAT excuse).  If she goes out to AL in July when the other SIL has her baby, I think I will be done with his family.

Am I in the wrong to feel this way? 

[carisa]

Mar. 10, 2008 at 9:27 PM

i've been getting jealous feeling with each new party..i.e. someone just had a bridal shower. She lived with this guy for a while...ugh I guess either I never asked for someone to plan any paries or I'd just feel anxious..did get baby shower though....those clothes, etc went fast though.  Nice to know that a cousin will have the first twins this june But she also has her family give her parties. I also feel well i am missing out on stuff.....like normal married life parties..shoot If I stay it'll be the 10th someday..would /could i get a party then?

 

carisa

[AndiJean]

Mar. 10, 2008 at 9:31 PM

Some family relationships suck and can never be explained. My ex-husbands family was like that. We never even got a phone call from them when we moved to CA. But when we visited, they were happy to see us. I remember second Christmas after my daughter was born, my MIL gave me my daughter's last-years Christmas presents of baby clothes. I opened them up and it was all new born stuff. I wanted to say, "Why bother?"

As for Christmas, we did it last year with my parents. We didn't buy any Christmas presents until we got there. It was a little stressful, but it was worth it. I know three kids is a lot, but for them to see their grandparents it's worth it (even if they aren't great grandparents.) Sometimes we just have to forgive and forget...a lot.

Good luck with that! 

 

[cassie_1986]

Mar. 10, 2008 at 10:05 PM

i am in the very same postion except its my mother that is being the one that doesnt do or want anything to do with my son....granted i live in rhode island and she lives in cali but still she has seen him 1 time since he was born and he was 4 months old at the time he is now getting ready to turn 1...my inlaws i love them to death...they flew out here the day after i had indy and stayed for a couple days and went back home and then like a day or 2 after they had got home we found out that indy had to have heart surgery at 10 days old being a premiee...he was 6 weeks early...they were on a plane that night and got to the hospital shortly after we got there...indy was in the nicu when we found out he needed the surgery so they had him transported to another hospital for the surgery...so we got there at 10pm and the inlaws got there at 11 pm now mind you that we found out about him having to have surgery at 5 pm that same day

 

[racingmomma]

Mar. 11, 2008 at 12:07 AM

MAN, that is crazy. I can't believe how people justify themselves.....All I can say is you need to talk with HUBBY. U two have to agree on this sitution. But remember the Bible says to be submissive to your husband. So if he wants to go clear to Cali for Christmas you have to bite your tongue, figure something out, and honer his request. You would like the same done if it was the other way around. REMEMBER COMMUNICATION BETWEEN U TWO IS THE KEY!!!!! GOOD LUCK, let me know what you decide on this.

 

I totally hear ya though

[taliarosesmommy]

Mar. 11, 2008 at 11:29 AM I cant figure people out, I swear!  That does seem unfair to me and it's so frustrating!  But, I've given up trying to come up with explanations.  Some people are just freakin mean & ignorant !! 

[mamabear79]

Mar. 11, 2008 at 9:26 PM What she is doing is not right. I think you need to talk to your DH about it. If  you don't feel like going to see his family for Christmas, don't go. That being submissive to a husband is a bunch of bull. You have to agree or compromise. I think by you saying you could try to go for Thanksgiving is a great compromise. Communication is 90% of a relationship. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[jennifer_tsch]

Mar. 11, 2008 at 9:37 PM You have every right to be pissed, I would except I'd rather not have my husband's mother around. How does your husband feel? If he feels the same way, then you should have Christmas where ever you two want to have it. It sounds like you have a great mom, spend Christmas with her. Most importantly, you shouldn't have to be stressed out on the holidays. Do what you and your husband want. Good Luck

[livytwo]

Mar. 12, 2008 at 10:15 AM

Oh, I'm with you Ang...My MIL is the same exact way. My SIL got married when she was 17 and divorced about 4 months later. THEN she got married AGAIN and my MIL didn't go to that wedding, (divorced about 3 years later) my husband and I got married about 2 months after her 2nd wedding and MIL didn't go to our wedding because she missed Connies 2nd one. Well, Connie is married yet again and she DID go to that one. Granted this happend 20 years ago (with her not going to ours) but yeah, we still hold onto that. She went to ALL 4 of Connies baby births, she went to the hospital when I had Olivia but NOT Tristan. She goes to Connie's and spends the night but never even stops here for a quick hello or anything. (Connie is in Calhan and we're in Elizabeth HELLLOOOO...you drive right by our house on the way!) My Mom who is in Westcliffe visits ALL the time.

So I say screw 'em!!! THEY are the ones missing out NOT us. As far as Christmas, I would tell her you can't afford it therefore you won't be coming. If she doesn't understand that then OH WELL!

[Susanmomof]

Apr. 15, 2008 at 3:59 AM I'd make up some sort of half ass excuse to not go being it seems she does the same thing with you that she can see right thru? Seems like she is PLAYING you for a fool like you are not smart enough to see that she doesn't like being around you for some reason and HER other GRAND CHILDREN?? Oh ya you have every right to feel like you do!!