I am finally getting my life in order. After an injury that left me disabled almost 3 years ago, I am surviving a divorce and learning that God is always in charge. I am going to get the help I need from my x-dh without fighting over pennies. He has agreed to take care of the family that he helped create and make sure that I am not going to be on the streets after the kids are grown and out of the house.
I also went to my church leaders and was welcomed with open arms. I am going to be sure that my life is lived as God wants. I never should have allowed my x-dh demand that we no longer attend church b/c there was a game that he would miss.
As I spoke with my Mom about the divorce, her only concern was that there would be no man in the house for the kids sake. I explained that they have a father and my energy is best spent on raising my children, just as God intended. My divorce will reflect that, financially and giving my x-dh the time with the children that they need to have both parents involved in their lives. We will make all decisions involving the children together, we are just living in different homes. Neither of us have thoughts of dating and I believe that this is the only reason that we are going through this as friends who just realized that it will no longer work out for us to stay married. My disability has proven to be a sore spot with him and that makes me the wife he no longer wants. I look at it as him being the husband I no longer want. If he is willing to turn his back on my now, who knows what would have happened when the kids grew up and moved out. His anger issues and verbal and mental abuse over the years ended him up in counselling. I only hope he can be a role model and do right by his children. I am resiliant and the constant crying and feelings of being not good enough will pass. Each time I look at my children, I am glad that God is my Man and I plan to keep it that way. I have no plans of re-marrying just because their is a belief that you need both parents in the home to raise your children. I feel that I did everything to hold our marriage together, but overlooked my own feelings and well being.
I am glad to get some resolution and be free of the abuse, which eventually turned physical. Neither of us are perfect and we married young. I lay the blame on both of us. Me, for not being sure that we had the same goals, and him for not proving to be the Man he made himself out to be while we were dating. I found out after we were married, so I thought we could work on it., After 14 years of trying, I realized that I was the only one trying. The divorce has been put off for many months, but only b/c he decided that he wanted to keep me around just in case he was making a mistake. I think that if love for your wife is really forever, you don't need a year to think about it. That is what the dating period is for!
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