Sometimes I hate being a parent.....

[mrs_pink]

Today is one of those days when I hate being a parent. I think hate is such a strong word, but it has its place. Christa is slacking off on school such that her grades are terrible. We have had to ground her to her room with no tv, no gameboy, or reading, unless it is study time. The reason we say no to reading any other time, is bc she will read instead of doing the make up work she has or not do her chores. She uses reading as an escape from reality. She would rather do that than face the music. Sounds like we are mean, but it works. It's not like she doesn't have enough time to read, bc thats all she does in her spare time it seems like. She does complain that she doesn't have enough time to do her chores or homework. We all know that that is not true. She has choices around this and she choses to play gameboy or rockband or read instead. We point this out every time she makes that compaint. Yes it seems like she is doing nothing but chores, but that is bc she does everything half-assed and has to re-do the chore till its done right. She is very aware of how chores are to be done and when. She choses not to do them correctly. I'm finding it very hard to believe that we have given her too many chores. In fact, recently we took one of her chores and gave it to her brother. So I don't know what she is complaining about. As far as her grades are concerned, she is grounded from everything until her grades are at least a "c" average. I think this is fair. Don't you? She tries to pull the "you expect me to get straight A's" crap. This is so not true and we have told her time and again that C's are accepltable as long as we think she has tried her best. And yes we do tell her good job when its warrented. And yes we do tell her that we would like to see better than C's. We know she is capable of getting A's and B's all the time. She just doesn't want to put in the effort needed to achieve this. I really sincerely hope that she pulls her head out of her *** and gets the grades needed to be ungrounded. I would hate to have her stuck in her room all summer while the family is enjoying the pool and family get togethers. It is really hard on the rest of our family when she gets grounded. In the past, they have made comments like,"why can't she go swimming just this once" and we tell them "no". We have to stay consistent otherwise she will have learned nothing and our clout with her will be nill. She will think we will always crumble when the going gets tough. I don't want that to happen and we explain that to our family. Usually, they understand, but sometimes they get mad. As far as I'm concerned, that's their problem. With the new baby coming this summer should be exciting and I don't want her to miss out. It really hurts that she may not get to join in on the fun. I told her this morning that she needed to think about how her behavior affects everyone else in the family, not just her. She doesn't think about how it makes us feel having to be strict. I know that this is normal. I remember what it was like when I was a kid. I just want all doors to be open for her in her future and the way she is headed many of them are closing. I just hope we are not too late. We are also seeing a change in Hunter's behavior since she has been grounded. He is not listening and saying things like "I hate homework" and "I don't want to". He has been acting out since she has been in trouble. I see some of the same attitude she has coming out of him. I am trying to nip it in the bud before it gets too far. I don't want to go through the same problems with him as we are with her. I am just tired of the arguing and the yelling going on and I want it to stop. So I am not going to argue with her anymore. I don't have to justify myself to her. She will just have to live with it. She has to make changes bc her brother is copying her and that is not ok by any means! I would like to think that I am a good parent and that I'm doing the right things. Hopefully, she will improve and I won't have to worry about this summer. I just hope this won't continue all throughout high school. We have been doing this since she was is the third grade. Frankly, I'm a bit tired. Well that's enough for now and pray that things go well.

[PyraLynne]

Mar. 12, 2008 at 1:48 PM

Hey Mama...If anyone can understand what your going through...I can! Hang in there! I buckle every time and there is only one child here. I dropped out of school, started in the 7th grade and officially happened 10th grade. My daughter knows this. So when we get into discussions about school and her grades needing to improve she pulls the "Well at least Im still in school!" card and I allow that to make me feel bad and I side with her silently.

Its me and her. Always has been. Her dad was 'around" for the first 8 years (he's always been IN her life but he hasnt done a damn thing emotionally, financially or fatherly - he's homeless by choice and on speed etc). I went through a few emotional things as a child but my mom was the same with me and my brother. We got what we want, even it wasnt right away we got it eventually. I buckle so easily like my mother did so I want to say Im proud of you for standing your ground and staying strong because your not trying to fight your daughter your trying to install values and responsibility in her as a young lady.

The ONLY thing that is tugging at me after reading your post is your last line about going through this since the 3rd grade with her and hoping it will change, finally (not a direct quote but you get it lol)...youve been doing this since the 3rd grade? If Im not misunderstanding that sentence...then maybe what you are doing is the "right" approach? I dunno, I am in no position to judge or give advice lol thats for sure but just really curious about that part of the journal post.

 xoxoxo

[PyraLynne]

Mar. 12, 2008 at 1:50 PM

Um...i should pre read my posts before I submit lol

last paragraph in my comment ..."If Im not misunderstanding that sentence...then maybe what you are doing ISNT the "right" approach?" ....wow that "NT" make a big difference lolol

[night-shift-mom]

Mar. 12, 2008 at 5:11 PM

I hear ya! Stand your ground. It is so frustrating when you know the potential is there to do well. I have been on the receiving end of the whole "poor me" scenario from my kids and my oldest always tries to twist things to make it seem like OUR fault instead of his. He thinks we are stupid I guess...lol! Forget all the talks we have had with him about the link between maturity and being accountable for oneself...*Blah blah blah kitchen wall. Isn't that interesting kitchen wall?*  You know what I mean I am sure! I get the same whiny responses from my daughter now too. She is a huge procrastinator. Takes her forever to complete a simple task because she spends more time whining than working. Then she does a crappy job on top of it all.

When my own son points out how his chores interfere with his study time (another lame excuse because my kids chores don't take longer than 20 minutes to complete, if that!) I point out how his dad worked two jobs while going to college full time and managed to get decent grades and how I worked while going to nursing school and did well also. And if he thinks 20 minutes of dishes every evening is cutting into his school work enough to hurt his grades, he is in La-La-Land and it doesn't get any easier in college. We keep telling him it's how he prioritizes the things he needs to get done. Don't you wish there was something we could do to get them to get it?!? Maybe a mallet...LOL! So frustrating!

I wish I had some answers for ya but I am not sure how to get my own kid to buckle down! Have you thought about the Sylvan Learning Center or some other type of place that helps kids get better grades? I know we have considered it (not sure what you have available where you live) Just an idea although it could get spendy. It would give her someone else besides you and your dh to be accountable to. Who knows if it would work or not!? Sometimes kids try harder for other people besides their parents. I know my oldest son does! It just floors me how other parents will come up to me, praising my son for his leadership qualities and accomplishments on things that I had no idea about. I want to say "My kid? Really? Are we talking about the same kid here?" It's amazing how impressive they can be to others.

Good luck and know that you are not alone.

[mcool28]

May. 27, 2008 at 2:01 AM

I competly understand what u are saying..I am going through similar things with my oldest..It started soon as my husband started working nights..Shes getting a little better..So I will pray u for u and u pray for me..And if ever need to talk I am here for u..

God Bless

Nikki (your sister in Christ)