Im starting to hate him more and more everyday

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Im starting to hate him more and more everyday

March 14, 2007 at 7:41 PM by sweetshygurl044
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I know this probably shouldn't be feeling the way im Feeling but as each day goes on without him, I think about all the pain and suffering he put me through and it makes me hate him so much. I know HATE is so a harsh word and that we shouldnt hate anyone but I honestly hate this man. Yes he is the father of my child and my X boyfriend but all the pain he's put me through in the past seems to take over while im trying to sleep. He was such a horrible controlling person that I let take over my life completly. I was stupid and immature for loving him and allowing him to treat me this way, but with these passing days without, him my anger is growing so deep for him.. I stay up at night thinking about every bad thing he has done to me and it wont get out of my head. Im not sure if it is guilt that i am feeling or what this feeling is, but I have no love for this man anymore. I was sad without him in the begining now I am just torn with anger from this JERK.. Im probably not making any sense to anyone but I needed to vent. I needed to let this anger off my chest before I blew up.. Am I losing my mind?? Please I would love to hear any feedback.. Thank you Sabrina

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Written by sweetshygurl044 on March 14, 2007 at 7:41 PM
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I hated my ex with all of my might. I remember wishing he would just die. Literally. He is a police officer and I would pray to God that he would get shot at work. And my life would have been better. It is hard to believe I felt that way now because I am a completely different person without all of that hate in me. It has been 4 years now and now that we have not been in the same dwelling, we are now friends. We had to be apart for about 2 years until I finally stopped HATING him. I'm sorry to say that I don't know if it is normal or not. I do know your hatred is real tho. And you can get thru it and over it COMPLETELY. I will tell you that I take Ativan and it helps me immensely. We would fight terribly and if I took that I would stop shaking and calm down. I don't care what anyone thinks about medication. I was a Paralegal for eight years and am now a Securities Assistant. I have a good head on my shoulders. But the hatred I felt for him ruined me. And Ativan calms you so that you don't FEEL extreme hatred. Email me anytime. I will be glad to listen. And yes, it does feel like you are losing your mind when you feel extreme hatred. Try and get help. I did. And for me, antidepressants didn't work. They made me paranoid and I couldn't sleep at night. Ativan works differently. It is calming. Good luck. It honestly gets better, I promise. I have lived your life. And it starts to get better, the longer you stay away from him. Concentrate on your child. That is what I did. I built a safe, loving, calm life for my son. And bonded with him.

aimboats Mar. 14, 2007 at 7:52 PM

I felt the same way, then It sunk , when I was thinking of him He still had control over me, I don't hate him anymore, don't love him either, but he's my sons dad, it took a long time to forgive him , I hope you will too, so you can have a better peaceful life, without him and thinking of him. It's hard , your in my prayers.

luv2cook80 Mar. 14, 2007 at 8:18 PM

I know what it's like to go it alone. It's very hard. But you must be strong for your baby and yourself. Try to get over your harsh feelings towards the father and understand that not everyone is cut out to be parents and maybe it is better that he isn't involved at all. You made the right choices to come back and live with your parents and at least you have their support and guidence. Things will get better with time.

krista_dawn83 Mar. 20, 2007 at 7:58 AM

I know exactly what you're going through. The father of my babies left me all alone to raise these two miracles that we created together not so long ago. I've gone through many sleepless nights thinking about what a prick he is for doing this to me and his children, but after a while it took more energy to hate him than I had in me. So I decided to try to focus on all of the blessings I have in my life. I have my friends who have been so supportive, and my wonderful family who has done so much for me lately. I'm living at home with my mom now too, and I know she puts up with alot from me..especially since she's really the only person I have to vent to right now. I am so scared about bringing these babies into the world without a father, but I know in my heart that it is going to be ok. As long as you love your child and have the best intentions for him in mind, I know things will be ok for you too.

2N1mom Jun. 11, 2007 at 10:57 PM