-
Things to never say to a Military Wife!!
- Mar 14, 2008 at 2:22 AM
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- Comments (11) Total Views (268) Everyone can see this journal post.
Things Never to say to a Military Wife...Especially those whose loved
ones are deployed...
1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're
afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of
our minds ---but thanks, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe
next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to
be a compliment. Though, its just a little
annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have
been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious
single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the
shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more
capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose
to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)
3. "At least he's not in Iraq ."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose
husbands are in Afghanistan . What
do they think is happening in
Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and
dying over there.) And Africa is no better either…where to do think
the bad guys are hiding out!
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for
Christmas/anniversa ry/birthday/ birth of a child/wedding/ family
reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of
these things. Please don't ask again.)
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife
out
there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to
meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we
find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We
do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts
of alcohol can occasionally help!!!
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed
or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until
they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again
because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and
AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments
you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we
figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But
it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our
guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes
away.)
8.
"My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks.
I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's
three week trip to London/Omaha/ Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more
deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference,
nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D.,
your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he
flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white
sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account.
There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest
because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a
bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks
business trip is like comparing a crappy ford taurus with mercedes
convertible. )
9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men.
There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province
on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq . Likewise,
know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan . Know that Muqtada al
Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr
City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our
country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq . Our
country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in
Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on
the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps
everywhere.)
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever
happens over there.
(Yes, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to
make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit
by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way,
he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting
for your freedom.)
12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously... military spouses
learn
quickly that our relationships must be founded on something
greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like
simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have
dinner together every night.
last but not least....
13. "OH, that's horrible...I' m so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be
appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable
American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so
those wars stay abroad.)
If you want to say anything, say thank you and pray for
us...afterall, we are sexually deprived for your freedom!
ones are deployed...
1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're
afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of
our minds ---but thanks, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe
next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to
be a compliment. Though, its just a little
annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have
been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious
single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the
shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more
capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose
to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)
3. "At least he's not in Iraq ."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose
husbands are in Afghanistan . What
do they think is happening in
Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and
dying over there.) And Africa is no better either…where to do think
the bad guys are hiding out!
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for
Christmas/anniversa ry/birthday/ birth of a child/wedding/ family
reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of
these things. Please don't ask again.)
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife
out
there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to
meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we
find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We
do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts
of alcohol can occasionally help!!!
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed
or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until
they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again
because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and
AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments
you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we
figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But
it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our
guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes
away.)
8.
"My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks.
I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's
three week trip to London/Omaha/ Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more
deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference,
nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D.,
your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he
flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white
sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account.
There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest
because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a
bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks
business trip is like comparing a crappy ford taurus with mercedes
convertible. )
9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men.
There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province
on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq . Likewise,
know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan . Know that Muqtada al
Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr
City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our
country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq . Our
country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in
Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on
the news every night and in the papers every day ---and on maps
everywhere.)
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever
happens over there.
(Yes, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to
make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit
by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way,
he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting
for your freedom.)
12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously... military spouses
learn
quickly that our relationships must be founded on something
greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like
simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have
dinner together every night.
last but not least....
13. "OH, that's horrible...I' m so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be
appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable
American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so
those wars stay abroad.)
If you want to say anything, say thank you and pray for
us...afterall, we are sexually deprived for your freedom!
Comments:
Mar. 14, 2008 at 2:26 AM
LOVE IT!!!
Mar. 14, 2008 at 2:29 AM
Well I can say that I have said 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 11, & 13. Sadly I say 11 alot. because I get tired of hearing people act like I forced there family to serve when I didn't it was there dream or choice. whatever you wanna call it. don't get me wrong I think it is great same like I think being a fireman is great a teacher police officer, all those great jobs people don't get recognized for. but what irritates me is that people are just now making a big deal because of the war. It should always be a big deal not just in bad times. I mean think about after 9/11 SO many people flew flags and yellow ribbons. now they don't seem to care. Thank you and your husband for taking care of the country that so many of us love. I am in Canada right now but I am born and raised American and will always be American at heart!!
Mar. 14, 2008 at 2:35 AM
| i do pray for our men and women overseas, and i understand what your going through not by husband wise but my brothers are over there, and i miss them so bad. and you can thank your husband for me and tell him i appreate him fighting for my freedom. but dont be mad and get bitchy becasue people are trying to be sympathetic towrds your situation and i will tell you the same as my sister-in -law, be grateful people are even caring to take an interest in your husband welfare and in your life. be grateful that people care an dshow it in many ways, they may be differet than your but still caring. |
Mar. 14, 2008 at 10:10 AM
Here's one you forgot: Aren't you afraid he's going to cheat on you over there?! How in the world can you trust him to be around all those girls over there, and not worry? First, DON'T put that idea in a woman's head, you only increase thier worry. Second, my marriage is stronger than that, and I find it very offensive that you would automatically assume that once he's out of my sight he's going to diddle every female he sees. (I got this one from my HUSBAND'S FAMILY!! Needless to say, we left that family gathering really early.)
May. 26, 2008 at 1:46 PM
I love this post. I make sure that my kids say Thank you to any veteran we see. They are learning how important our military personal is. Please thank your husband and give him extra hugs from us.
God Bless all of you
Jul. 4, 2008 at 10:44 AM
Just ask us for the help you need, we are here for you. Thank you for all you and your family do for all of us.
Jul. 6, 2008 at 11:28 AM
That is fantastic! My thoughts exactly!
May. 15, 2009 at 4:40 PM
THANK YOU!!!
Please tell your DH for me, I do appreciate everything that those in the military do for us... :)
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers! :)
Jun. 18, 2009 at 9:31 PM
Hey, I like Ford Taurus'. LOL, I had to say it. But seriously, this is a great post. I love your honesty and your openness. =)
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