School Bullying 3/18/08 (Update III)

[Emjay]

We were over an hour late for school this morning. Although we were up and going in time, DD just couldn't pull herself together emotionally and I refused to force her to go out of my own fear of emotionally scarring her. After a long talk and going back through the procedures we were going to take to keep her safe she pulled herself up by the boot straps and out the door we went.

We took the long way to school this morning giving me extra time to reassure her I would not leave until I was confident she would be safe. Once we got there, you could see her fill with anxiety. The principal was not in the office but the assistant was, Mrs. B. She was on a call so we were forced to have a seat and wait...and wait.

A couple of students stopped in to the office saw DD sitting there and happily welcomed her back to school. What I didn't realize was she was feeling anxious about the possibility of being rejected by her peers. It was evident that those that really knew her still loved her. She needed that reassurance. I could see relief begin to come over her.

Finally we were called into Mrs B's office. DD immediately began to break down and even I started to choke up hurting for her.

I just jumped right in with telling Mrs. B I was aware that the administrators do not believe DD's a victim but they still have a job to do to protect her. Before I could finish my rant, she cut me off and explained her hands were tied with these black and white policies, not allowing for any grey area and as far as her personally she believed DD. Great but where do we go from here?

We discussed all of DD's fears and looked at what our options were. They have brought in additional staff whose job is to monitor the restrooms. DD was told to approach the worker and tell them she's going in and they will walk her in.

The have beefed up adults in the hallways. DD was told who was watching her so she knew someones eyes were on her at all times. Students have no idea who they are but DD does. Her locker has been stationed next to a teacher's room so someone is able to view her.

Although I may regret it, I did tell Mrs. B that we were hotlined. Before I could finish the sentence Mrs. B looked me square in the eyes and said she could assure me that it did not come from the school...Good glad we got that cleared up although I knew it wasn't the school. I'm quite confident in who I believe is responsible for reporting us which was clearly out of retaliation. For now, I'm okay with my decision as I believe it demonstrated to Mrs. B how serious things are in this situation and she seems to have agreed.

DD is going to be allowed to receive partial credit with her school work after all. Albeit it's not full credit and I feel she's continuing to be consequenced for being a victim by not getting a chance to have full credit. However, partial credit may be enough to keep her grades up to the require GPA for her extra curricular activities for next fall so we'll have to work with that for now.

The school does have a no cell policy but DD is being allowed to have mine with consent from Mrs. B. She accepted and fully agreed with our plan.

Finally, DD felt she was okay with staying and to give the day a try. I made it clear, one phone call and I would be there within minutes to get her and if she found herself in a threatening situation with no means to get out she was reminded to hit the speed dial button on the cell for 911.

Now that I'm home and have shed a few tears myself, I'm feeling just a tad of relief and hope I have not made a mistake in returning her to the building even as much as I'm not loving the district right now.

Can they...Will they...step up to the plate now and work to rectify their deficit? Only time will tell.

[...Ruth...]

Mar. 18, 2008 at 11:28 AM

I think they will!

Good for you, Mom. You daughter is lucky to have you standing up for her. Sadly, many mothers wouldn't fight for their daughter (or son) as you have. I had to fight for my kids,too, when they were young. The school did eventually listen (it took alot of time and effort) and worked to protect them.

As a result of my conversations with the Superintendent and persistence in educating teachers and administrators about bullying, a principal was forced to undergo counseling (he was a bully himself) and and a music-teacher-turned-counselor was asked to return to the music department (also, a bully).

I think your experience will also have a positive outcome - for your daughter and for many other students for years to come.

Good luck to you! 

[Lyndall]

Mar. 18, 2008 at 11:29 AM I hadn't seen your earlier post so went back and read them.  it is horrible the way the school is treating your daughter.  I know you have prob heard this before but is homeschool an option for you?  I feel for your daughter I was a victim in high school and let me tell you not only was I afraid to go to school or attend activities I didn't learn a darn thing becaus my mind was on how I would defend myself.  I actually did fight back finally and my problems went away.  I was lucky in that the guy who was assaulting me didn't expect me to fight back I got in a lucky shot and his nose broke I was never bothered again.  But no one should have to go through that.

[mdmjam]

Mar. 18, 2008 at 11:35 AM I too had to go back and read..HAve you thought about reporting it to the news? I cannot believe that they are doing this to your daughter.. I would be so mad at the whole situation..... What is with these kids? Please give yourself a huge hug for being an AWESOME mom.... Standing up for your daughter.. And also please give your daughter a HUGE hug for going through what hurts her so. I was teased in HS, but it didn't come to fighting. Just the break-up with the boyfriend and his friends would tease me in the hallways. It's hard being a parent..... No one should have to go through that... Hugs to you and your daughter!

[KaidaMidnight]

Mar. 18, 2008 at 11:35 AM I too hadn't seen your previous posts, so went back and looked.  I have been crying reading what your daughter has had to go through.  Good for you for making her feel as safe as possible.   It's schools and students like the ones your dealing with that made me decide to homeschool. (granted, that's not for everyone, and I give you kudos for making the situation as safe as you can for her)   Hopefully the rest of the school year will pass with no incidents.  Good luck momma!

[MichelleK41]

Mar. 18, 2008 at 12:55 PM

Em hang in there and this will work itself out.  Please keep us updated when she gets home so we can see how her day was with you. Did the Super ever call back?  I know you are going to continue to presue this so that the school will have to change their support of bullying and so you can feel better knowing it is taken care of. WE are right here for you!!

 

[JosieMarie]

Mar. 18, 2008 at 1:37 PM

Well, at least things are starting to look up a little bit.  Finally!!  I'm keeping the tar and feathers handy anyway, just in case.  For whatever my opinion is worth to you, I think you are one hell of a mom, and you are raising one hell of a girl!!  With women like her coming up, the next generation is going to rock the world!!  Keep up the good work.

[mshaiku]

Mar. 18, 2008 at 1:46 PM

I can't even begin to imagine the turmoil you're feeling. I'm sending my best that with each day the environment gets better for your DD and that she feels confident in her safety. Big (((((((HUGS))))))) to you my friend.

 

[Gibberish]

Mar. 18, 2008 at 4:13 PM I read up last night and came back for an update!  Good for you for forcing them to stand up and do their job!  (at least in the protection of your daughter)  I feel for you, your daughter and the rest of your family and I'll be praying that this situation resolves quickly and in your best interests.  Let your daughter know she's a heckuva brave young woman for going back, I don't think I could have done it. 

[LadySaphira]

Mar. 18, 2008 at 4:39 PM I hope your daughter had a good day at school and good for you for making it very clear to the ASSostant exactly what you expected of the school.