What I'm dealing with

[badpenny74]

Ok so from my prior post, you could safely say that my husband and I have some problems. We don't communicate effectively, there's a slight language barrier, and cultural differences. Here aer some things he says and does:

He tries to get me to agree with him on stupid things. He tried to convince me tonight that the world is NOT round! WTF???

I may be doing dishes or cleaning and not paying attention to him and he will say to our 8 month old, "Mommy doesn't love us, she loves to clean more than be with us" Again, WTF?? Then when I am sitting with the baby or playing with her he will make comments about how lazy I am and how dirty the house is!!! WTF?!?

Food and dinner is sooooo frustrating. He only wants to eat extra well done meat. I end up having to make 2 seperate meals for us if it doesn't end up in both of us losing our appetites. I just wish he would eat what I make and not bitch about and be soo picky. He also eats really slow and will usually fall asleep halfway through his meal. If I ask him if he is finished so I can take his plate to the kitchen he gets really pissed like I'm rushing him. His plate will sit there all night long and the next day. His family comes over when he comes home off the road. Tonight they were here and just to change things up a bit I made a meatloaf. We always have steal and salad when they come and it's sooo boring! I still had to make steak because he refused the meatloaf which he says he likes but wouldn't eat it. Years ago he used to call my meatloaf "meatlove". What happened to us?

He just so manipulative. He does and says cruel things to me everyday to the point that I'm physically exhausted. I get so frustrated that I could physically go off on him and tear him to pieces. I get to where I want to start throwing things. I sometimes just want to take my daughter and leave his ass but the one time I tried that we played tug of war with the baby for 1/2 a second and I gave in because I didn't want her to get hurt..

He talks in circles and is totally playing headgames and I can't figure out what I did to deserve it.

I'm no angel, I yell and get angry over menial things. Sometimes I'd rather look at Cafemom than do dishes or other stuff. I gained weight from pregnancy and from PPD and the PCOS doesnt help with losing weight either. I'm not perfect. I wrack my brain trying to figure out what is expected of me. I want to stay true to myself but I feel myself sinking into this subordinate position. I do stand up for myself but when I do it just makes the fights worse and last longer. He says no one else will ever want me but I refuse to believe that. He HATES my father because I respect him.

OK now I am starting to ramble and should just go to bed. I'll add more later.

[Xynyth]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 7:40 AM Alli, you're worth so much more than that. Think about whats best for you and Sara.

[sweetkrisi]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 7:46 AM Hey Alli. Im very sorry you are going through all this. I personally think you need to think about you and Sara and think if this is what you want her to grow up seeing and how you want to spend your life feeling. I know its a very hard decision. I have spend a lot of time thinking about this too. But I think you and Sara deserve much more and deserve to be happy. And by the way, Im very sure another guy would want you if you were single and looking!

[chermonblie]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 7:47 AM Sorry that you're going thru this. It's hard enough juggaling wife/mother/daughter/friend as it is, much less when your partner isn't supportive. From some of your comments, it sounds like things haven't always been this way. I know it's easier said than done, but for your daughters sake... it sounds like you either need to put your foot down or leave.

[cdkmom]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 9:06 AM So sorry that you are in this position.  It seems like men know our weak spots and tend to hit there.  You certainly deserve better than this -but easier said then done.. I wish you luck and will think of you-sending happy thoughts your way and hoping things will get better! Stay Strong-and believe in youreself!

[cdbf]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 9:06 AM

Alli, I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. Would he consider speaking to a counselor to help with the communication barriers?

I am thinking of you guys. Hoping today is a better day. I'm here if you need to vent live. xxoo

[KHaldy]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 10:41 AM

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. Think about what is best for you and your daughter.... you deserve so much more :)

[katemma1234]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 11:45 AM I'm sorry Alli. I know men can be so cruel. I'm dealing with the same issues of whether to stay or leave. I just think, as mommys what do we want our kids to see as they grow up. I just dont want to see Calebs wife writing stuff like this about him 20 years down the road. These  are hard decisions to make, but you are a strong woman and I know you'll do whats right for you and Sara.  Love you!

[sherriet]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 11:08 PM You deserve better than this and I'm sorry it's happening.

[stina1218]

Mar. 24, 2008 at 1:54 PM

My first response is WOW!  I had to go back and read the other journal post so I could catch up but Oh My Goodness!  You do NOT deserve to be treated this way!  I would give him an ultimatum of treating you with RESPECT the way you deserve to be treated or LEAVE.  I couldn't imagine having to make that decision with a child.  I know many people divorce but unless he is willing to go to counseling and make this work, staying in an abusive relationship is not healthy, especially around a child.  I personally would have been like, You don't want meatoaf?  Well I guess you can make your own dinner, then.  You are NOT his slave, you are is wife! 

 Good luck in making a decision and ((HUGS))

Let us know how everything turns out.