Cranky Children Who Shop (And The Moms Who Love Them)

[ErikaRobin]

Reading a post about children in the grocery store made me feel for all the moms who are embarrassed and frustrated by their children's behavior in this situation.  Many parents expressed that they end up going home (or worse, buying the screaming tyrant a toy just to pacify him/her) if the child refuses to behave. 

I would like to encourage moms to stay in the stores - even when your child is acting like one of "those kids".  You know the ones - the horrible beasts that we'd hear coming from three aisles away.   As they neared you could feel the temperature drop like just before a thunderstorm.   They would round the corner strapped into the cart, kicking and clawing at mom, who was just out of reach - scanning the shelves for that magical box of Calgon and praying for it to take her far FAR away without the catalyst of bath water.  Meanwhile, her child screamed like a banshee.  

We swore up and down that "when we have kids they sure won't act like THAT".  Those kids.  

They all do this from time to time (unless you're one of the lucky few) and if you leave the store the child learns that when they don't want to be there anymore all they have to do is start screaming and mom will take them back home where the television and toys await them. 

If you take your child out of the store when they act up, please only do it until the child has calmed down, then go back inside and finish your errand.   You are the boss!  I'm so saddened when I see parents who let their children run all over them.  As parents we tend to be easily embarrassed, and our kids know this is a huge button for the pushing.  

Give choices.  "We may continue our shopping WITH a time-out or WITHOUT a time-out."  Even a toddler will choose not to have the time-out.  However, if they continue to misbehave, that was their conscious decision to do so and they must now face the consequence of making that choice. 

You say "Uh-Oh" and head for your spot.  Choose the most boring place in the store to hold a time-out or park your cart (or ask the greeter if you can park your cart near them so your stuff doesn't get put away) and take them outside for a minute.  People may not want to hear your child crying and fussing, but they don't have to live with the ramifications of living with a child who controls his own home by manipulating his parents.   I imagine Mom and Dad ASKING little Jimmy if pizza for dinner would be okay with him.   YIKES!

(This subject always makes me think of that Twilight Zone episode with the kid (I can't remember his name) who did horrible things to people who contradicted him.)  

Don't forget to leave your comment.  I love to hear what works for others.  :)

[yoshiki56]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 3:57 PM

hahaha, i actually threaten my older son, 7, that we will have to go to another bigger supermarket if he and his little brother won't stop fighting.( playing or real fight). He looks at me like i don't know what i am talking about, but he knows he doesn't want to go to another supermarket.

He stops and he gets his little brother behave as well.

[BeesFlower]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 4:48 PM Love it! You always crack me up! Its totally true though!

[JoyeAustin]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 7:02 PM I work in a grocery store, and every once in awhile, from the far end of the building, we'll hear one of THOSE kind of kids.. and we all have sympathy for their mothers. Some of those mean little brats have incredible lung power. Sometimes my kids are those same brats, and the threat we use is to go have a discussion in the bathroom.

[ghosthuntmom]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 8:13 PM

One time, when I was preg with my last child, my middle daughter totally acted up. We were grocery shopping and she flung herself on the floor in one of those fits. I left her there and went around the corner and waited. Sure enough 4 seconds later here she came and she was calm and cool the rest of the time we were there....maybe 20 minutes. As we headed to checkout this woman decided to tell me that she should report me to DSS for abandonment. This pissed me off...and it didnt help that my child already pissed me off with her attitude AND i was hormonal. I handed her my cell phone and said go ahead and call the police while your at it nosey bitch your gonna need it. Ok not the most mature way to handle it but I was ticked! That is where the real problem lies....people threatening to report crap that has no business being reported. Makes people feel like they can't discipline their children in public! I, for one, make a point to thank parents I see disciplining their child. I saw one guy take his son to the car and pop his rear for sassing his momma....as we left I went by and told him I saw it and thought it was wonderful he took the time to discipline him.

BTW, my dd has NEVER acted up again in the grocery store. On occasion she does whining but nothing like what she did that day.

[TheBodyShopMom]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 8:52 PM ghosthuntmom,  I had a little giggle when I read where you left her there and went around the corner.  It sounds like something I would do!  My son doesn't want me out of his sight any more than I want him out of mine.  He's almost 2, so we don't really have a problem in stores yet.  You know how Publix has those "truck" carts?  Every time we go he insists on riding in the truck, but he won't pick which one he wants to ride in.  I tell him if he doesn't pick one he's riding in a normal cart.  If that's the case he'll usually cry when I put him in it but he stops within a minute.  I try my hardest not to give into him, especially being a boy.  I listen to Dr. Dobson on the radio sometimes, and that is something he is firm on...don't give in to them...when you make a decision (like saying no) stick to it! 

[ErikaRobin]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 9:07 PM

I'm glad you moms agreed with my thoughts.  I hope it gives others a little food for thought.  :)

(Original Poster)

[nytefae]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 10:55 PM

I've got three boys (expecting a girl in June) and my oldest and youngest are always very well behaved in the store. My middle son, however, is high-functioning autistic and a trip to the grocery store with him... Can be hell. We have tricks to make it through but they don't always work. I've never left the store on account of any of them, not even him... But it does upset me when people look at my middle son in the throws of full-blown meltdown... The looks they give him or me or both... The whispers... Sometimes the loud-enough-to-be-heard comments... I'm having a hard enough time dealing with my boy... Sometimes I wish I could just smack the person for making my life that much more difficult. But I'm in total agreement: Don't leave because of your kid. That's just showing them that they run the show and no kid should have that power.

[mysticwolf_147]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 11:03 PM I don't give in to my children except once in a great while. WHen I see parents having a rough time with their child, I simpathize with them. Love your post.

[Rebeccalynn_dj]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 11:14 PM It is refreshing to find someone that agrees with me on this issue.  I have been told I am a lazy mom for not dropping everything and leaving the store.    I feel they win and you loose if you leave.

[CooksWife]

Mar. 23, 2008 at 11:27 PM

mil always tells me stories of "what to expect" lol-  apparently one of her children used to pretend to be mentally handicapped when he wanted to leave a store... He would follow her around "Mu Mommie hus purty haiiiirrrr"  After an hour she would usually start to loose it at which point the child would yell "Nooo Mommie dooonnnttt Beat me!!" in the applicable voice. 

Kids are a joy- even the tough moments.  And all of them have DIFFERENT amounts of will and personality to display.  What bothers me is the moms who NEVER do anything to shape that will.  Our children are born with these traits but the world will not bend for them as adults.  It is up to us to give them the tools they need to function...  I totally agree with this post-  Don't leave Mommas!!  Anyone who gives you "a look" DOESN'T get the joy, reward, and fulfillment that comes from having stuck it out and done the work to create a beautiful and productive member of society :)