Dh finally returned to work.  He is working from 7am to 7pm six days a week which means I now have the kids full time.  I've had to cut back on my class load this semseter because I don't have the time for school right now.  I'm taking two online classes verses 4 classes on campus.  The kids are a handful.  Gage is up by 5am everyday now and is in terrible two mood full swing.  He doesn't listen, loves to tell me no, pushes and hits his little brother, gets into everything and is refusing to take naps.  Nolan still isn't walking but crawling all over the place.  He pulls himself up and will walk around holding onto furniture but won't walk by himeself.  He is totally all over mommy these days.  I can't walk out of a room without him crying, "mommy" and then crawling after me.  When I'm not with the kids, which is rarely ever, I'm writing out bills, cleaning the house, balancing the checkbook, cooking, running errands or doing school work.  The past three weekends we've been so busy Dh and I haven't had really any alone time.  Last weekend was easter so we went to our chruch on Saturday and then my parents place on Sunday.  The weekend after that we had Dh's sisters 50th birthday party on Saturday and my Grandma's birthday on Sunday.  We've been running around like chickens with our heads cut off.  When Dh and I do have a minute together we are both so tired that we don't really have to much to say to each other.  Usually one of us ends of falling asleep or we get into a huge arguement over something stupid. 

I haven't spoke to my mom in 9 days.  My mom and I are really close so this is different for me.  I've learned that everytime I call her she's busy getting my sister's kids on the bus, making them lunch, giving them a bath, watching a movie with them or running an errand and doesn't have time to talk.  I am okay with it because I've found that it's peaceful because I don't have to take time out to talk to her, I don't have to deal with all her drama  and I don't feel like I have to check in with her.  It's getting to the point I don't like going to her house, I don't feel comfortable asking her to watch my boys because she's always busy....ect.  I hate to say this but I'm kinda enjoying myself more without her around, calling all the time or whatever.

I need to find balance in my life.  I spend all day taking care of everyone else that when it comes down to it there's no one to take care of me.  I can't even take care of myself because I'm too tired from taking care of everyone else.  Life right now just doesn't allow it.  Dh works 7 to 7 six days a week, I have no babysitter and what little time I do have to myself is spent taking classes online so that I can finish my degree.  

Just needed to vent anyone who reads this thanks for listening!   

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