So frustrated!

[Trishintraining]

I just joined Cafe Mom and I'm super excited to be somewhere where there are people who know what I mean when I talk about having a baby. I've only had my little guy for 2 months (well, a little over) and I'm already sick of my friends who think I'm exaggerating when I say I only slept 2 hours last night, or who just don't get that I HAVE to pump at certain times, or my boobs really DO hurt! I love my friends, I really do, but now not only do I never have time to see them, when I do I feel like we have nothing in common left!

I guess part of me saw this coming, I mean when I was pregnant I had to lose a lot of friends because I didn't want to be around smoke or alcohol. I lost still more because I wanted to sleep sooo much in my third trimester, and was, er... testy.. when I had a hormonal attack.

The few friends I have left now are about to hit the road because I never have time between trying to keep my house from falling apart, keeping my husband fed and clothed, and taking care of my oh so cute but fussy baby. Is this typical? I don't really have anyone to talk to about whats NORMAL, because my husband is adopted, so my mother-in-law didn't go thru the first few months of mommydom (tho I still respect her view points, but she was like 40 when she adopted, I really have trouble relating) and my step-mom never had kids at all (she came into our lives when I was 9, the same year my bio. mom died).

They both say I should take time for myself, but that feels so selfish when I see how thin my husband is stretching himself. I'm taking the time to write this because writing is something I really enjoy, and I'd love to meet people to connect with, and Joey's taking a nap :)

Ug. Idk. Does anyone have any tips about juggling these first few months? Or what to do about maintaining my friendships, or if its even worth it in the long run??

[Ava-GraceMom]

Apr. 4, 2008 at 4:34 PM Oh hun!!! I am so, so sorry that you are feeling stressed out. Please do take the time for yourself. I know it's hard and I know you may feel guilty at times but if you do take an hour at least for yourself you will better yourself as a mom, wife and a friend. I can't really relate to the friends part because I moved to IL when I was 7 months pregnant (November 2006) with my husband for his job away from all my family and friends and didn't begin to meet anyone until after I had my daughter in February 2007. Since then I have met some moms here that have come in and out of my life already - kind of like mommy dating! I am like you, my husband works hard and travels and stretches himself thin as it is for me and my daughter. Are you feeling any post partum depression? I didn't think that I had it until after I was home for a month with my daughter. We do not know each other but I would love to chat more and will be hear to listen to you one mommy to another! :) That is what is so great about this site

[LLang]

May. 20, 2008 at 2:36 PM

Sorry to hear you are having trouble.  But look at that cute little guy you have.  You made the choice not to be around others that smoke and drink, they should have at least respected you for that.  They aren't real friends then if they are complaining you have no time for them.  (That's how I see it). 

There was a time when I gave up my so called friends when I decided to be with my now husband.  Everyone told me how wrong he was for me.  Now we have a beautiful daughter.  And yes, we have our troubled waters every now and then, but you know what?... Those people who I thought were my friends are now sooo bad off and I can't even see why I was their friend in the first place.

I know they say to put time aside for yourself, but I feel you should do it when you feel ready.  Take care of you and family, not everyone else's needs.  When the time is right, you'll feel less selfish about doing what you want to do outside of your family.

[grooveybabe004]

May. 25, 2008 at 12:51 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time juggling everything.  Unfortunately I don't know what it's like to loose friends during and after pregnancy because in order for that to happen, you need friends...lol...so I don't have any advice for that.  As for taking time for yourself, don't feel guilty about it.  You'll be a better mom for doing so.  Sometimes, an hour to yourself is all you need just to rejuvinate and use your son's naptime to do it.  Take a nap with him or you said you like to write so do that.  You won't be a bad person for thinking about yourself once in a while.  Things will also get easier when your son gets on some kind of schedule, if he hasn't already.  Good luck to you!

[kristian_angel]

Jun. 25, 2008 at 12:57 PM Meh, I lost all my friends except for the one who also happens to be a mommy to a new baby. No one else seems to understand. It hurt at first but I am trading them in for a new life with my beautiful son and wonderful husband, so it's worth it for me in the end. Plus, they are the ones who have decided not to continue the friendship... not me.