April 2 is a bittersweet day for me. It was Stella's due date. She was already three and half months old at this time two years ago, but she still looked a little "undercooked" at barely six pounds. I celebrate the day she was born and the day she came home, but this day will always be difficult for me. I still wonder what would have been if my body hadn't failed me. Would she have been a March baby or an April baby? Would I have had an epidural or tried to endure a natural labor? How much would she have weighed? How cute would she have been in the special homecoming outfit I picked out for her? Would she have a baby brother or sister by now? I don't know why I continue to torture myself with the what ifs. I'd like to move on, but I just can't. It's just one of those things that only preemie moms can understand.

On a brighter note, Stella was visited by the home health care nurse today. She is not our Early On service coordinator anymore, so she's not obligated to check in on us anymore. She really got attached to Stella over the past two years, so I was happy to have her come by and go over ages and stages and do a weight check. Stella passed the 24 month tests for gross and fine motor skills. She is still behind in communication and socialization. Her speech is coming along great, but she is considered behind because she isn't using pronouns or many two word sentences yet. When she was tested in October, she was saying less than ten words. She can now say over 100 words, so she has made great progress.

She has grown quite a bit in the past couple of months, but you'd never know by looking at her. She's now 24 pounds and 32.5 inches tall. I was afraid she'd lost weight while she was sick since she had no appetite for a week. She actually gained half a pound! Her height is still below the 5th percentile and her weight is between the 5th and 10th percentile. Woohoo! Her big bobblehead is between the 25th and 50th percentile. I guess we won't have to worry about buying her new summer clothes. She'll still be wearing the same size as last year! Not only is she petite, she's thrifty too! She knows how to make the most out of a wardrobe!

There has been one good thing about Stella being premature. I lost my job and have been able to stay home with her. It's been a struggle, but it's been so worth it. This is where I brag. You've been warned. Stella is so smart! She has even impressed her therapists. She knows her entire alphabet, can name about ten colors, knows all her body parts, and she's starting to recognize some numbers. She is just full of questions and soaks up every bit of information that she can. She's going to be a geek, just like her mommy, with her nose always buried in a book. Hee! I love my little bookworm.

Tags: early on, early intervention, ei, due date, bittersweet, sad, difficult, premature, preemie, smart, percentile, weight, height, toddler

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