Gimme my dolly!

[mictamali]

This is currently being repeated again and again.  "Gimme my dolly!"  I don't think the meds have kicked into her system yet.  Alicia is throwing a fit right now over a doll.  She and Reece have been fighting over this doll all evening long.  If I didn't know better I would think that she was a really large 2 year old.  This is not the case, though.  This is a child with ADD.  Over-reacting to little things.  Intense feelings of rage and anger.  Stating that no one loves her and she isn't a part of the family.  All because I won't give her the doll.  This is a piece of what I go through daily.  She states feelings of self-loathing over things that most kids would just be upset over to the point of a few tears and and an "I don't like you, Mommy!"   Instead, I hear, "You don't love me. You wish I had never been born!!"

Seven years old and she's threatening to run away because she never should have been born into the family.  Sometimes I wonder how God figured I had enough strength to handle all of this.   There are days that it feels as if more and more is being heaped upon me.  Do the trials make me stronger?  Am I learning anything from a single one of them?  There have been so many trials lately.  The diagnosis of Alicia and Mike.  Anayla moving in.  Looking into home schooling so that Alicia can get caught up to her grade level.  Often there's not enough money left between paydays.  I've been considering whether I should build my BeautiControl business back up or not.  Should I take the time away from the kids?  Last year I made enough to pay for tuition.  This year I doubt I've sold more than 10 items. 

I know I shouldn't let myself get down over things like this.  Don't sweat the small stuff, right?  When do the small things grow into big things?  I think some of the small stuff has become humongous stuff.   A few months ago it was that Alicia was falling a little behind in class.  Now we have a diagnosis of ADD.  I don't know where to start, where to turn. 

Not long ago we were almost debt-free, except for our mortgage.  Boy, the difference a year and two broken legs make!  We are actively watching for our income tax return so that we can afford to pay some bills off.  Mike's job isn't nearly as stable as it was last year, now that it isn't county-owned but is owned by Tenet corporation.  He is called off once or twice a week.  Overtime is a fond, dim memory.   The question looms heavy over my head: Should I go back to work?  If I go back, who will watch the kids and how much of my paycheck will be going to another mom, one who doesn't know and love my children anywhere near what I do?  I just can't justify the costs, the emotional costs especially, of me going back to an actual JOB and letting another person care for my kids.  Picking them up from school, asking how their day went, hearing the excited chatter recapping a busy day of learning and social interaction.  I would give up all of my selfish wants - cable, cell phone, internet, new clothes - just so I can have that blessed time with my children - my BABIES - every day.

All I have is prayer and my belief that God will carry me through it.  That is enough to suffice.

[TexasMomof3kids]

Apr. 5, 2008 at 10:04 AM

He will carry you through it.

On another note.... My nephew was diagnosed ADD.  My sister inlaw read that vitamins with Omega 3 oils help with focusing. I don't know if its true, but she feels its helping. And of course its just a vitamin supplement. Better then drugging.

 I'll keep you in my prayers.     

[ktykat77]

Apr. 5, 2008 at 2:31 PM

Tammy...I know how you are feeling and what you are going threw. I hear that EVERYDAY!!. I want to kill myself,I hate my life..stuff like that. It is not easy thats for sure. God must see us as people who can handle this type of situations.There are times when you want to just cry and scream and ask WHY!! but all we can do is be there for them. What medicine is she on? I do hope it works for her. It will take a few weeks to show any difference.

Just remember I am here if you need anything. All we can do is pray.

Love you lots

Sis

[tracylynnr67]

Apr. 5, 2008 at 2:51 PM ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

[mictamali]

Apr. 5, 2008 at 5:04 PM She's on Strattera.  Right now it's only 10 mg; we're working up to 25.  It's only been 5 days and I know it will take a few weeks minimum.  Some days are just so much more stressful than others.

(Original Poster)

[ktykat77]

Apr. 5, 2008 at 6:07 PM

Same as Johnnie. He is on Strattera...50 mgs. It took about 2 weeks to see something change. Yes it is...Sometimes you juat want to pull your hair out...I am here for you okay...I know all to well...lol

 

Just remember our kids might be really successful in life...just need to support them.