a sad few days

[mommything03]

ok the only reason i am writing this right now is because i am slightly buzzed, i took 2 shots and it is the first drink i have had in over 2 years, well of hard alcohol that is.  so i am really feeling it.   but i have had a few symopthetic people tell me that if i need to talk about my son then do it, well i have but the only place i feel that i really can anymore is in here on cafemom.  the place that i have had before, myspace the people that are on my friends list are well kinda i don't know, but i do have a few (well one) that thinks i is WELL past time i get over my son and forget that i had him and move on with my life and start doing things like i did before i had my son. well for the most part i am, but there is still the part of me that is worried that what if  this does happen to me again, what will i do then, how will i cope with the loss again, how will i survive, i am a person that if i say i love them i don't take it lightly, i really mean it, and for the most part that is how i feel about most of my friends/sister/brothers/well everyone that i count as family, and i feel like i ahve just made a new family member and i hope she reads this, and i also hope one day that we will meet in person, and maybe someday real soon.  i do know that the groups that i have here on cafemom are some of the best i have seen, most of them don't have to write a letter as to why you feel you should be in a certian group or be denied if you have a different email address than the groups you are trying to get into.  here it is so nice to be able to find a group that you feel you need and they don't critacize you for who you are.  (at least in the groups i am) also for most of the groups they know how you are feeling and they can also give you positive feedback if you ask, and sometimes even if you don't ask.  i think i am on cafemom  more now than i was ever before, and even with myspace i am on here more now then there as well.  but i need to go to bed and hope everyone has a wonderful day.  and i will post something else that i wrote on myspace in here tomorrow good night to all. ps the time here in my is 1:52