I thought I could let this one go, that I was the bigger person and others saw my point of view, so I was good. NOT!! I need to voice and let other moms know it might happen to them. If your child on the spectrum and gets to be B's age, heck maybe this is something that happens to all parents pertaining their kid, regadless of a diagnosis or not. Any who. Bianca will turn 13 on Saturday the 12th. This is the first year in the middle school bldg. We've had a trying summer and transition to the middle school say the least.So her IEP was this past Friday. All went well, except her speech therapist. I'd met w her back in January, to touch base w her, (first time meeting her) and hear what she had to say about Bianca. She seemed cold, unexpressive, monotoned, and actually, I felt she was annoyed that she had to take time out of her schedule to meet w me. She told me Bianca was lazy and that was holding her back, the fact that she tries to get away with things. I asked her about augmentative communication devices and we discussed. She was iffy about it for Bianca saying that B's behavior was a concern for her, that Bianca may break the device during a meltdown. We concluded that she would speak to the tech dept and baseline Bianca and see which, if any would be compatible and get back to me.That was the last I spoke with her till the IEP meeting. Her demeanor from the moment she walked in the door was anything but professional. She sat slummped over her chair, leaning back with arms crossed and legs crossed at her knees and bobbing her foot, impatiently at the table with the rest of us. When it was her chance to speak, she listed her goals and objectives, she stated how Bianca is distracted from work by attention seeking behaviors and that she really feels that her behaviors are holding Bianca back from doing better work. I stated that her classroom teacher (that had spoken prior to the speech therapist) mentioned the way that she deals w those behaviors from B is to follow her lead sometimes and if she wants to be on the computer, for example, and that is what is distracting her from the task at hand, she lets B go for 5 min. w a timer and then brings back to the original task and Bianca is able to finish it w no problem. I asked the speech therapist if she does anything similiar during her sessions w Bianca. She stated, a cut and dry "No". Everyone was silent for a moment. I quickly jumped in to not let her "save herself" from the attitude she'd just demonstrated and asked how many times (of the 4 times/week) that she sees Bianca, does she see her one on one. Well, she though she had me, b/c she sat up in the chair and shaking her head, said "oh, no. her iep states group only", to which I was cut off by Bianca's district case manager who informed her that that was not correct (while looking at her through the corner of her eye w disappointment). She proceeded to inform her that is was purposefully left in general terms, "in a natural setting" and "to be interpreted by therapist" and that type of wording b/c we didn't know how Bianca was going to progress in the middle school setting. After district put her in her place about that, I stated to the district case manager that I wanted to keep speech at 4 times per week and wanted at least one day to be one on one. Well, this wench starts shaking her head as I speak and tells me that the school is modeled for group, and therapies are mostly done in group, and inclusive, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Now she is really ticking me off and I can see hubby's ears turning red, but to this point he remains silent. District tells her that she doesn't see the harm and infact thinks that it may show to be beneficial for Bianca. Speech bites her tongue and resumes her slouched back position on her chair and begins to squeeze her water bottle. Then she springs up once more and says "but I'm not taking her out of the classroom for her one on one!". So I pick my jaw up from the table and turn to district and tell her that we could try it that way, that's fine by me, but if she needs to be pulled out, then I want the IEP to read that she will be pulled if necessary. District says "sure, we can write that in". Speech still slouched back on her chair, foot bobbing and annoyingly squeezing water bottle. Boy was she pissed!District finishes jotting down her notes and tells speech, she can go if she has children to meet with, speech says “no, I’ll stay”, districts is surprised, “oh, okay”.So we go around the table to behaviorist, and back to class room teacher and as the meeting is ready to conclude, I remembered and told district there was one more thing I wanted to discuss. I briefly stated I’d had a meeting w speech on Jan, we discussed augmentative comm. Devices, but that she’d never gotten back to me, speech jumps in “yes, I spoke w so and so and I don’t think that it is something that Bianca could use”. I asked why, she said “well she would have to be taught how to use it (duh!) and being that Bianca is not reading, she doesn’t have an understanding of the purpose of the machines (duh!) and the one that would serve B’s current level was one w pictures, but nothing like a keyboard to it or anything. District asks if Bianca would understand when asked a question, how to answer and does she read at all, would she understand that whole process and directs this question to her classroom teacher. Teacher begins to say “no, but…..” Speech jumps in again and says, “it’s just not something that you would use with a child like Bianca who already has some speech”. Behaviorist jumps in and says “yeah, we would be looking to build her verbal communication, not have her rely on a device.” So I say, that I may not have understood much in which device would help Bianca in my research, but if it’s one thing that was unanimous among all was that if done properly, it only helps communication and doesn’t hinder it. Who the hell is the behaviorist to jump in on this issue? I did address them both when asking the question only b/c I was pointing out that we don’t know if B’s behaviors are b/c of her lack of communication skills, or are her lack of communication skills b/c of her behaviors or both, or neither. Hope I said that well. Any who, I say, well, you say Bianca is not at that level, so how do we get her there??? Speech says, “well there is a lot involved in that, you’d have to teach her from scratch” district jumps in to save speech another idiotic comment and asks teacher how she is doing in language skills. Teacher states that she works on calendar, weather, identifying community signs, etc… “So do you think it’s something that she can work towards?” asks district. Teacher says, “definitely”, and whispers to me that it was great I wanted to go this route with Bianca and it’s definitely something she can work on w her in class. Speech jumps in and says “it will take a while, if she is even able to”. So hubby jumps in and I start getting nervous b/c I knew that he’d been quiet all along and in these situations he only speaks when he’s got something very important to say. He says to speech, “ well, we don’t expect you to have her reading a book in 2 weeks, but I think what my wife is stating is something realistic for Bianca, I mean when I drive her down the street, she reads!! She reads pizza and ….. “ Speech says, “oh but that is probably b/c she’s eaten pizza there before and knows….” Hubby says, “NO, she reads sight words, its part of a couple of her programs, and not only does she identify the word alone, its one of the only words other than her name that she can write on command w no visual model!!” Now his ears are red and his voice is raising b/c she’s messing w daddy’s little girl, this lady is nuts, she continues “all I’m saying is that it will take some time…” Now I cut her off and say to all “okay, here is the thing. Bianca will be 13yrs old in a week,and then 14, which is when “transition services” begin. This school does great in teaching life/vocational skills, and I am very happy with this program on that aspect, but here is the thing, because the state mandates for these children w special needs be given certain training by a certain date, and lumps them all in like cattle, does not mean that Bianca stops having a brain, it does not mean that she stops being able to learn, that she should stop being challenged. All I hear from all staff members except her teacher is that this school is modeled for this or that, to prepare them for this or that. Well, lets not forget that this school is mostly Multiple Disablitlies and not specific to autism. Bianca is AUTISTIC not MD!! And if the program and staff are not willing to accommodate that especially in a meeting specifically about my daughter ( I then turned to district and said) then I’m beginning to agree with my husband in thinking that this may not be the program for Bianca.” After that I realized my voice was beginning to break and everyone was silent and all eyes were on me. I leaned back in my chair and looked over to district, and she said “We will absolutely make any and all accommodations to meet Bianca’s needs current needs. None of what you are asking or have stated is unrealistic, not for Bianca and not for the school, so don’t you worry.” The meeting finished on that note and the first one up and out of the room, with out a word said to anyone was…… you guessed it, speech!Later on in the afternoon when I picked Bianca up from school, her teacher looked me square in the eye and whispered to me, “I want to apologize for speech’s behavior, I’m so sorry and it was completely uncalled for” I was so surprised that she’d realized. Hubby and I swore it was just us and maybe district who had noticed. You tend to think that you are the one as a parent, defending and advocating for your child, who would get a little too emotional, or out of hand, but she saw it too and I could’ve grabbed her and hugged and kissed this woman for validating me, my feeling, my views and emotions but mostly, for seeing what I see in my daughter as well. Her words were PRICELESS to me!!! She went on to tell me that we had her complete support in our goals for Bianca and that is was great that we continued to set the bar high for her but understood that like with everything it will take time.She thanked me again, as she did in the meeting, for making her first year teaching a class like Bianca’s easier, she said I’d taught her a lot in ways to deal with Bianca and she was thankful for all my input and constant communication and my way of getting things done for Bianca. I’m telling you, I could’ve kissed her!!Here’s my thing, there will be people like speech dealing with our kids, who can’t be bothered, and are annoyed that we disrupt their work pattern, or hey, maybe they are just miserable people all around. But we as parents must stick to our guns, I’m so glad I didn’t bite my tongue and accept the garbage this woman was trying to put over on us about my daughter. Like she was upset that we had higher goals for her and expect them to do more than treat the students like cattle. I’m proud of myself, for speaking up for my daughter and for keeping my composure around such a negative energy and I’m proud of hubby for saying SOMETHING and realizing that we have to stand up and speak up for our kids. He saw it first hand and also said to me afterwards, thank goodness I spoke up when I did b/c he was ready to let her have it and storm out. That’s it, that’s my vent. I had another little issue w OT about basically the same thing, she says why should we teach B to tie her shoe laces when this day and age, they have so many styles w Velcro!! And why should we still be working on her handwriting when in this day and age, everything is done on computers anyway, we are better off concentrating on her computer skills and teaching her how to use an ID card. I told her we can do ALL. I want it all on her IEP. Her handwriting will be done in class, home program, OT and with me on our spare time, and teacher, OT, home program and myself will be working on tying her shoes.WHY, WHY, WHY miss out on teaching Bianca a simple life skill?? Because she is too old?? I DON”T THINK SO!!!
Sometimes the people who are supposed to be trained to help our special kids lose sight of the ultimate goal. Yay for you for helping them see that it's not about one little thing, but about the whole picture of Bianca's life!!
I would have asked that speech lady, when she said she did not want to do one on one, if she felt she was not qualified enough to do the job. I would have done that to knock her socks off.
When my daughter was first DX with Dyslexia, our district tried hard not to classify her with a reading disability (I brought a lawyer, another story, another day). Anyway, at first the case manager had stated "We do not feel your daughter has Dyslexia" , despite her failing grades 14%?, and the written evals done not only by a Dr. neurologist saying she has it, but also a full learning eval done by a school for Dyslexia that the district itself paid for (after I rejected theirs). Anyway, when she stated that "we do not feel your daughter has Dyslexia" I looked her in the eye and informed her that she was not qualified to make that determination, and that yes, in fact, my daughter DOES have Dyslexia. You wanna see huffs and scoffs? I almost bust out laughing. I burst their bullying bubble.
I'm so glad your case manager backed you! Normally they are the ones encouraging the evaluators to give as little as possible. At least that is how it is here.
Bravo to you for standing your ground! And Kudos to B's teacher for recognizing the pitiful behavior of the speech therapist. People like that should not be allowed to work with children, special or not!
I"m also glad you vented because when and if it comes time to fight for services for Aydan I will have this little nugget of information in the back of my mind telling me not to back down. To fight for what I know my child should get.
I know kids don't come with handbooks but someone really needs to get on doing something about helping parents navigate this endless stream of bureaucracy.
Apr. 9, 2008 at 1:21 AMGirl...Que bueno que la mandates al infierno!! Because I would of done the same thing!! Those are things that we as mothers have to show our kids...simple things that others take for granted...so that's why I'm working very hard on teaching Melyna almost everythin from pouring milk on a cup to putting waffles on the toaster or get this...she knows how to make popcorn on the microwave...I'm so proud of her because she's doing some things on her own and it makes me proud of my little girl!! But I do get scared on how society will treat her because of the way she looks and acts so different!! But I'm gonna do my best to teach her just about everything so that when I leave this earth she'll know how to handle herself!! Ours kids do want to learn it's just matter of time patients so good for on giving that witch a piece of your mind!!
Apr. 9, 2008 at 10:54 AM
We went through the same type of situation dealing with our son's speech therapist, who is also the coordinator for the IEP program. She began this year by saying that he is only developmentally delayed and will grow out of it. After his diagnosis, we had his neuro specialist send her a copy of his findings. She didn't understand his assessment and instead of calling him to clarify, she asked the school counselor to interpret. She then told us that ASD symptomologies were not the same as ASD. So, I called the DR and explained what had happened with speech/ IEP and he sent a fax to us that said, and I'm quoting this, "William is autistic and clearly shows all distiguishable signs of autism." He even underlined the obvious parts. When I took this to her she said that the school didn't recognize his diagnosis and that our son would have to be tested through the school. So, when the test results came back it showed that not only was he autistic but, also had ADHD, OCD, ODD, and aspergers. That was about a month ago and since then she does her best not to speak to me and when she does have to, she does so as rudely as possible. It's hard enough for our kids and us without having to deal with the people that are supposed to be helping ], fighting us tooth and nail. So, I say good for you and your hubby for fighting for your child. What could be more important than that?
I just hope that this goes to show newly diagnosed parents that there is an upside to having a diagnosis when your child needs the resources. It is hard for some parents to accept what some see as a "label" but in time they will realize that it is really the key to getting your child the help he/she needs and some parents wait years and fight tooth and nail for a proper diagnosis or "label", depending how you look at it.
Personally, it's only a lable if that is the way you look at it as a parent. I see BIANCA when I look at my daughter and always have, not PDD or AUTISTIC, just my sweet girl who needs the world to understand her and accomodate some of her needs and I'm on this earth to help her do just that.
YOU SO TOTALLY ROCK! I was RIGHT there with you in that meeting----I have felt that frustration, wondering if anybody else notices how evil and ridiculous one person on the iep is being, is it just me being over sensitive because I'm the mom? And your husband, I loved hearing about his ears turning red. It is so rare that my husband comes with me to these meetings, he's usually with the kids.
You kicked butt. May I have some of that strength for our next IEP??!
This is the part right here that just about made me scream. What's really scary about your whole post is that I could have written it. Except the part where you stayed really calm, because I think I would have lost it sooner, lol. And what's even more scary is the fact that I could literally picture this woman in my head behaving like that because I had an OT of Kyle's behave similiar to that last year.
It's so disheartening to me that we've had these similiar experiences (many of us mom's is what I mean) It should not be this difficult. BUT I do have to commend the teacher, wow, that's awesome. Because in my district, everyone just does the CYA and cover everyone elses too.
I'm glad it ended somewhat well. Here's a good quote that a principal gave to me. "Be active change agents. Because children will not rise to low expectations" That is what that speech therapist needs to stick to her water bottle, pencil, and somewhere else!!! LOL
Girl...Que bueno que la mandates al infierno!! Because I would of done the same thing!! Those are things that we as mothers have to show our kids...simple things that others take for granted...so that's why I'm working very hard on teaching Melyna almost everythin from pouring milk on a cup to putting waffles on the toaster or get this...she knows how to make popcorn on the microwave...I'm so proud of her because she's doing some things on her own and it makes me proud of my little girl!! But I do get scared on how society will treat her because of the way she looks and acts so different!! 
But I'm gonna do my best to teach her just about everything so that when I leave this earth she'll know how to handle herself!! Ours kids do want to learn it's just matter of time patients so good for on giving that witch a piece of your mind!! 
I offer you a standing ovation!
Sometimes the people who are supposed to be trained to help our special kids lose sight of the ultimate goal. Yay for you for helping them see that it's not about one little thing, but about the whole picture of Bianca's life!!
- snaphappee
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