I'm Sorry

[W4amircale2]

I hate feeling so negative...I am just not having a good week!  Started off with AF, and now its a F'in Migraine, could be worse, but to me I just feel, well not myself...
I try to talk myself out of it, but its just not going away...I know there are much worse things happening in the world, but as soon as I put that smile on someone says something, or I see something that just brings me right where I started from..Why is this baby making thing have to be so difficult...I have really had enough of this shit!

I am sick of people just saying things they shouldn't and 17 yr olds getting PG...I am just so bitter right now, I thought I was past this, but for some reason, it just keeps happening...I don't want to give up, because its not in me, I guess I just have these feeling that I need to get out!  Complaining PG women, they should be happy, and yet they complain, well don't complain next to me, because I will be one snotty bitch!  Crying kids that mothers tell to shut up, its terrible...Should I numb myself from the rest of the world, I can't, I guess I just have to put that smile on and pretend, but its not me!

I know that I just have to be patient and just let nature take its course but I am running out!  I have to do things sometimes that I don't want to do, like visit with family that I haven't seen in a while and hear the question, I so don't want to hear, I just don't know how much I can take.  I love being on CM, but some days its too much...Don't u see it says INFERTILITY, u tried for 3 months, and u are crying, or those BFP's, when u are having a bad day is so hard to see...I am sorry for these negative posts, but I am so frustrated, my son is going to be 7 and he asks that ? every day, mommy why can't I have a brother, and some days I just don't know what to say and others, I just tell him to pray harder!
I know that some of you say to yourselves, she is so lucky she has one, and I don't have none, I have heard that 1,000 times, it still hurts, I know I am lucky, I know I am blessed, but it still hurts..I have struggled with Infertility for 11 yrs...its not months or 1 yr....its yrs>
I just hope that my faith gets stronger and our prayers get answered SOON!
I want to get out of this slump that I am in and move on! 

Much LOVE
Steph

[fstrmomto3]

Apr. 11, 2008 at 10:02 AM AW Babe! I hope You do start to feel better, although I know it never gets easy. I am here for you if you need it.....lots of hugs for ya

[trist22]

Apr. 11, 2008 at 10:17 AM I hope Your Prayers get answered soon as well! I wont say I can totally relate, but I know "the feeling". I have had two Miscarriages in the Past two Years and It seems like when they happen, someone I know ( closely) ends up Pregnant. I have a Friend that has picked and chosen which Pregnancies to keep, I miscarried She had twins and complains all the time now! I think the same thing You wrote:  " shut up! Be on the other end of the spectrum like myself!", I had another friend ask me how I felt about my MC I said " I am doing quite well, I am still happy and am thinking positive" she replied with "well, maybe its good it happened if You didn't really want it!" Ugh! People! I am lucky to have my Little Son but wonder the same as You about God's choices on who he blesses with a Child!  I think You are an amazing Person with alot of Courage, hope and Dedication. TTC and Infertility is challenging! I will keep You and Your Family in My Prayers and hope You get Your wish soon!!!!!

[LisaMarieF6]

Apr. 11, 2008 at 10:46 AM

aw steph..i am so sorry youre feeling this way. i know there is nothing anyone can say or do for you to make you feel better. that has to be on you. im not going to tell you to "relax" or "just let it happen" beacuse we all know we want to punch the women in the face who say that. but just know that i am here for you if you want to vent some more or just be in a bad mood. you are entitled to your bad moods and negativity. youve been dealing with this for a really long time, i think we can allow you to have some trouble dealing with it. hell ive not been trying that long compared to you and i take bad days A LOT. im with you about people "claiming" theyve been ttc for 2 months or 3..yeah i dont consider that trying either and i agree that seeing BFP's on a bad day really sucks. im always here ok. hope you feel better soon.

[foofoomommy]

Apr. 11, 2008 at 1:52 PM I'm so sorry that you are going through this!!! I will keep you in my prayers.   I hope you get to feeling better soon. Keep the faith and take care!!!

[crazedmom]

Apr. 14, 2008 at 5:15 PM I know this is late but my prayers and thoughts are with you and all those who need to have butterfly kisses