Another Year...

[Jenyfur]

Another birthday gone by. I almost forgot it myself until I checked my page and saw all of the birthday wishes, thank you all very much. Jason also didn't realize it was my birthday, he lives in a world of his own most of the time, where there are no dates or calendars. I'm not really holding it against him.

I decided to buy myself some new make-up. In the past year I can probably count the number of times I actually wore make-up on both of my hands. I also did my own nails (something I haven't taken the time to do in about 7 years), and I think they turned out really well, as long as you don't look too closely at them. In short, I feel like I need to take time every now and then to feel more like a woman and less like someone who spends her time changing diapers, cooking for and cleaning up after other people. Not only does it make me feel better about myself, but Jason may also notice that I am still the woman he fell in love with, and not just the woman who takes care of him and the kids. That is, when he gets used to me looking good, and stops asking me what my new boyfriend is like...

Andrew gave me a wonderful birthday present! The day after my birthday my little guy rolled over, from his back to his belly and I am so proud of him! It's a little bittersweet tho, reminding me that he's getting bigger, he will not be my chubby little cherub forever. He will grow hair and I won't be able to rub my cheek on his fuzzy little head. He will learn to crawl, and to walk, TO me at first, but later he'll employ those new skills to get away from me. He will start to talk, he'll call me 'Mama' and my heart will melt, then he'll get bigger and start to talk back to me and my heart will break.

With every birthday the years seem to get shorter, blend into one another, with only memories of fleeting moments to define them. When my next birthday comes, Andrew will probably be walking and talking a bit. Rosie may be able to read her books by herself, ride a bike, make her own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. In 10 years, they'll need me only to find their socks and shoes for them, so they can go somewhere else. As I put every ounce of myself into them more and more each day, what will I have when they grow up and go? Will I have to revert back to my highschool years again, when I was searching for my identity... is that what a 'mid-life crisis' is...?

On the brighter side, when they become adults, they will need someone to listen to their problems, support them in their early adulthood struggles, maybe give them advice about their relationships and their own kids... So, I guess Mom will always be needed from time to time, and I can continue to be there for them.

[TinasTribe]

Apr. 29, 2008 at 11:14 PM It is true mama we grow with them every step of the way :)