Why I'm the mother I am today! (By his Grace!)

[4kidzn1mom]

Growing up I had such a confusing childhood, of course I thought it was normal! As I started to get around the age 11 I realized that there were issues in my home. My parents were constantly fighting all the time and my father moved out like every other month. He was a good man, but it just seemed like he had lost his respect for my mother because of how she was. He was the only one that ever worked because she felt that she should be at home with me and my brother while he worked. I guess that's okay till children get in school and if it's okay financially, but if your always broke and the kids are in school, why can't you help out a little bit. But she never saw it that way.

I also figured out that both of my parents smoked marijuana in the home and my mom was addicted to Xanax. If you don't know what that is, it's a pill that they used to give to people for anxiety. Now it's not used for that anymore, but shes still prescribed to it and a mess. It completely changed my mother for the worse and she never could see what it was doing to her. So now she is loopy and we don't even have a relationship. She never wants to leave the house and she keeps the shades closed even when its sunny outside.

By the age of 12 I was smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, and smoking marijuana. By the age 14 I was doing ecstasy, pills, etc..... You name it I was doing it! I was lost, looking for love in all the wrong places. My parents didn't even care that I was smoking. In fact they wanted me to smoke from home instead of in the street. So it was like I could get cigs and marijuana anytime I wanted, even from my own home.

By the time I turned 15 I ended up getting pregnant with my first child, Devon. I thought I wanted to be with the guy I got pregnant by, but I was only 15 years old. I didn't know what I wanted. All I ever wanted was a normal family. So by the time I was 4 mths pregnant I didn't like my baby daddy anymore. He was living at my parents house with me and I decided I wanted him out. I also told him I didn't want to be with him anymore.

I truly believe that the lord blessed me with a child at the age 15 to save my life. The Lord works in mysterious ways! I never went back to the heavy drugs after I had my baby, but I still started smoking and drinking after my pregnancy was over. My mother was so excited about the baby that she didn't care if I left Devon with her all the time. It got to where she was taking care of Devon full time. I never really realized what a probelm  that was gonna cause later on down the road when I wanted to mover out of the house.

Lots of things were going on in there home that I didn't want my child around! They were still doing drugs and pills and didn't care who was around when they were doing it. They smoked in the house and my son had asthma. So I finally met a really good man. After a few months of dating him, I decided to move out with him. That was when all Hell broke loose! My parents flipped there wig! They put a fight up for real!

One of the main reasons that I moved out was to provide a better life for my son and to get away from my parents. They still fought all the time and my mother still wasn't working. Soon after we had moved out my parents started to make threats! Then I was dealing with the cops being called out to my house for a report of abuse and neglect. Now come on! It got to the point where the cops would just come to my house and say there sorry for having to come over again, because they knew nothing was going on!

With in two years of moving out of my parents house they had filed a motion in court for custody. But everything they based there reasoning on was false. Finally at the end of the hearing people that were involved started to realize that my mother was loony and everything she would try to stick on me was never real or true. So it ended with visitation every other weekend.

I should have never agreed to anything, because since then I have had 3 other children and have been married. My husband is like a father to my son Devon. My husband is like all my son has ever known, so they have a really good relationship! But my parents just can not except that. They can not stand the fact that my husband is black and my children with him are bi-racial. Get over it! I love him and he loves me and my son and he is the best father a child could ask for! So now 4 years later after that court hearing I have had to go back to file a motion myself to revoke her visitation rights, due to the fact that my mother trys to fill my son with garbage about his brothers and sister. She puts sick and twisted stuff in his head. And is back to the same old, same old. She is now sending cops to my house again and doing everything she can to tear my family apart.

So, it's a wonder that I have survived and made a godly women, wife, and mother out of myself. I am nothing like my mother and never intend to be. If anything, God has made me strong just so I would be able to fight the childhood curses that would flare up. I am clean from my teenage lifestyle. And I like to think that I lead a Christian life the best I can. We are all human and we all make mistakes! But I fight everyday! I am just so glad that I met my husband and built the family that I have. Now I can start my own tradition and my own family. It still hurts sometimes when I think about what other people have from there parents and how much I would give to have that relationship. But sometimes family are your worst enemy.

And that's why I'm the mother that I am today!