Paternity Woes - Long Boring Story.

[wendy46121]

Where do I even begin? 

Back in January, my oldest daughter (10 years old) and I got a summons to get paternity testing with her alleged biological father (ABF).  This is pretty much the last thing I have ever wanted, but I knew it would happen one day. The reason behind it all is because we needed to get health insurance for our kids, and the insurance bastards said that "legally" the bilogical father has to pay for health insurance. Since Alexus' bilogocal father had never been officially established, the refused to cover her until that is done. bastards.

We went, waited for 90 minutes, and he never showed up.  We were told that it would be sent up in the chain and we would get a court date.  We received it yesterday, court is set for June 16th. 

Apparently, we weren't the only people who received the summons yesterday.  My mother got a call from, yes you guessed it, ABF. How the heck did he get her number I don't know.  He also assumed I lived with my mother, which is a dumbass assumption, I'm 27 years old!

They talked, he said "We're all grown-ups now, I want to see a picture of her before I travel down to Columbus [from Cleveland]." And other such things that people in his situation say.

Arthur convinced me I had to stop avoiding talking to him.  No one was giving him my number. He had been trying to contact me about he situation before the testing as well.  I was avoiding him, and my avoiding him led him to get people involved in this that I never would have wanted involved. (An old friend who THRIVES off drama, especially drama that isn't hers, but she can stir up!  AKA not her business!)

Called him. ABF answers. Apparently he thinks Columbus is 4 hours from Cleveland. It takes me 1 1/2 hours, so no. He doesn't want to drive all the way down here and he wants to know if he can take the test up in Cleveland.  I'm like "Look, if they'll let you fine, do that, but it's only an hour and a half drive, I do it all the time!"  And he goes on to say some "But if it intereferes with work *blah blah*" And then the kicker...

"But I have a baby now, so I really can't afford to do this.  I mean I will if I have to but it isn't going to be easy for us."

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I actually controlled my reaction. I didn't question it, I didn't argue it, I was just basically "Well, find out what you can do."

Then I told him that he should think about signing off all his parental rights,so that Arthur could legally adopt her. To which he asks about their relationship and all that. He said he needs time to think.

The best thing right now for Alexus, myself, himself, everyone involved is for him to just sign over parental rights. He can't afford to drive to columbus he for surely isn't going tobe able to afford child support.  (I think its at least 15% of all LEGAL money made in Ohio).  Emotionally, Alexus does not want to deal with some stranger popping into her life like "Hi. I'm Daddy!!!" When she already has a man who is her daddy and she looks up to him, and is a better male role model than ABF would ever be.

I don't know, I was just really taken aback by the selfishness of that whole "Well I have a baby now" comment.  It's like. I've HAD a baby... for the last 10 years!  She graduated High school with me and went to college with me, and I have been taking care of her since Day ONE and she has never went hungry and she has never went without clothes or toys or ANYTHING.  What the EVERLIVING **** makes your baby any more important than mine?  The audacity. 

Ok, so If anyone has advice on where to begin on these paternal rights thing.  Once paternity is officially established that is the step I want to take. Assuming he voluntarily gives her up.  If he decides he wants to be the man and not do it (yea right... I dont forsee this) we will see how this goes.  

 

[wolfswife]

Apr. 17, 2008 at 10:24 AM

I'm not sure how it would be in Ohio, but when I spoke to a lawyer a few years ago about Michael adopting Shayna, and her sperm donor giving her up voluntarily, he said it would STILL cost about $5,000!  Steve wanted Michael to adopt her because he didn't want to be responsible for child support!  He practically raised Shayna for the first 7 years of her life because I worked so many hours, she was with him more than me.  Two years after we split up, he just stopped calling, stopped coming to pick her up, it was like he fell off the planet.  Needless to say, it was HELL going through this with Shayna.  She just turned 14 this past Monday, and I know despite how he has ignored her for over 4 years now, she still wondered will he send a card, or call, or stop by.  She calls Michael "Daddy" and he has made it perfectly clear to her that he loves her no matter who her biological father is, he considers her to be his.  She wants him to adopt her, but we won't do it because when Steve and I split up, he left me with over $80,000 in debt, I had to file personal bankruptcy, and lost my house.  He didn't care if his child had a roof over her head, or if we had to live in a box!  So, yes, he is paying $95 weekly for support.  It goes directly in the bank, and will be used for college when she graduates.  He lost his job about two years ago, got another job, but never reported it to domestic relations, I filed contempt.  He knows I'm not going to play around with this shit.  I lost my house because of his lies, drug use, and God knows what else he was in to to rack up that kind of debt with NOTHING to show for it!

I would contact an attorney just for some advice.  Most, but not all, will give you some answers without charging a fee.  If I were you though, I wouldn't let him off that easy.  OK, so he has another baby, so what!  How did he think Alexus was going to be taken care of?  I have yet to meet the money fairy who pays for everything a child needs when their father doesn't.   I hope you find a solution soon.  Alexus doesn't deserve to all of a sudden have to deal with a man that is supposed to be "Daddy".  Obviously Arthur is doing a very good job at it! 

Good luck!

[tiffanyp1980]

Apr. 25, 2008 at 6:40 AM

I''m sorry you have to go through this. My oldest (9) is not my husband's biological father, but, that being said, in Oregon, he can cover her on his insurance. If I go for state help, I have to put her biological father down, even though he isn't on the birth certificate. BUT he threatened to kidnap her as an infant, so he's never even seen her really. My husband wants to adopt her as well, since we have 2 children together, but we don't really have the money to do so.

I just found out recently that her biological father has a son and I'm torn. Sammi wants a brother so badly, but I don't dare tell her she has one, she'll want to meet him, and I don't need her meeting her bioloical father now.... She knows a little about him, and she doesn't want anything to do with him at all as is... but I'm afraid the thought of a brother will change her mind.