Here I am!

[twiddledd]

Well, here I am....mother of three grown kids, the youngest a junior in college, my son is in restaurant management-living on his own (and supporting himself.)  And my oldest has moved back home while building her first house (and I am loving it.)  I'm currently (what I like to call) semi-retired.  I was fortunate enough to stay home with my kids for many years.  When the youngest was three I started to dabble in substitute teaching.  By the time all three where in school, I was taking long-term teaching positions.  I did that for nine years until the kids were in mid and high school.  At that point I decided to go in a different direction. 

Wanting flexibility but needing to explore my creative side, I took a part time job with a lighting manufacturer doing "special projects."  That job evolved into operations manager and eventually I was doing product development and showroom setup/management.  You could say that I wore so many hats that it was completely overwhelming.  As my youngest approached her senior year I felt my time with her was slipping away and I stepped away from the management side of my job and opted for the creative side hoping to cut my hours.  Little did I know that I would be traveling to China and the Philippines two to three times a year.  Plus I was in LasVegas 8 weeks and Highpoint 6 weeks of each year.  While these were great opportunities and wonderful adventures, the time away from family, church, and friends really took its toll and made me feel detached in every way.  Not to mention there were some ethical issues I was dealing with when the company changed owners.  After two years of trying to overlook and justify the business choices of this owner and struggling with my time away from home, I decided to retire from the company I'd been with for almost 10 years.

That was just a year ago and I'm still trying to figure out what to do next.  I'm open for suggestions!  I've spent much of my time traveling to visit family.  My stepfather (I hate calling him that-he was "DAD" to me in every way but biologically) died in August and I was able to spend lots of time with him and my mom.  My sister-in-law and her three young girls moved here in June and I've been able to help her a lot with the adjustment.  My mother-in-law lives just three minutes away (lucky me) and I'm her new best friend.  I'm able to travel with my husband on several business trips, last week was Washington, DC.  I started back with my bible study that I love.  I have so much to be thankful for so...........what's my problem????? 

I guess I feel guilty!  For so long I was pulled in so many different directions and now I'm just twiddling my thumbs.  I mean, how clean can ones house be?  About the only way I feel creative is when I cook dinner.  I keep saying that God is going to let me know what he has in store but so far I'm not hearing Him.  Anyway, I think I'm getting depressed or what I currently call unmotivated.  I won't even get into the lack of passion in my marriage!  That's for another day.  Well....I feel that at least by writing this down I've made the first step.