Im sitting here and its 4:41 in the morning I have been up since one thirty with my crying daughter who just fell asleep...... Its times like these that I wonder why? Why did her father leave? Why cant he be more of a father? I would love to see him stay up with madison all night  since the day she was born. I would love to see him do it just for a week then maybe Ill get some appreciation for the things I do. I remember him saying once "Ive watched people raise children I know how its done". Well then where the F*&* are you and if you seen it done how come you cant do it yourself? Its hard to be a mom and a dad to work a full time job on the nights you get maybe two hours of sleep... To pay all the bills to provide food,clothing,toys and a roof over your daughters head and to keep your head up through all of this is the hardest thing... I love Madison more than the world it self But somedays Its hard to understand her father and why he isnt there it makes things frustrating when I dont have him anymore to help me with the baby on nights like these...... Days like these that make me think good and hard about what I want in life.... Wow thats long But I cant sleep....


Why do you have a baby if you dont plan on bieng there for her? Why did you tell me everything would work it self out. Did you mean I will work everything out? Believe me I can but its not going to be easy. Would it kill you to see you daughter more often to help me out when I need it so I dont go crazy?

Just a few rambling thoughts I have........


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