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Parenting Vent - I just can't do it anymore
- Apr 26, 2008 at 9:16 PM
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- Comments (6) Total Views (126) Everyone can see this journal post.
I am at my wits end. I feel so overwhelmed. I know motheringis a full time job, all day everyday, but can't a girl catch a break? I am in desperate need of some me time.
I feel horrible, because I am so sick of nursing. Now don't get me wrong, I love nursing my little girl. But it is draining me emotionally so much. People told me it gets easier as time goes on. She is 9 months old, she nurses well, but its all the time (at least it feels like it!) She needs to nurse to bed and naps, nothing else works. I have beentrying other things, and no go. She wont let anyone put her down for bed or nap but me. She will keep herself awake no matter how late or how long it takes until i come nurse her. I am SO AGAINST formula feeding, andshe wont drink it anyways, but i want to shove a bottle, no I want DH to feed her and let me be!!!!!
Dad is trying right now to get her to sleep. I had to walk away because i just cant take it anymore. I was scared I would let my emotions take over, so I had to leave the room. It doesnt help that she napped horribly today because we were all over the place today. I should have just stayed home. But i just had to get out of the house.
We cosleep too, and I love it - but its keeping me up because she snack nurses all night long. Once she will REALLY eat, maybe twice if she doesnt get enough during the day. The rest is comfort nursing i think, but im not sure, really. Some nights are great 2-3 times....other nights arent so great. want to transfer her to a crib, but shes not ready. Atleast, she hates her crib. She loves to play in it, but she refuses to sleep in it.
I also refuse to let her CIO. There is no way.....but I feel like i cant do this anymore. I just need her to rely on someone else for like, a day.
I know there are many strategies and suggestions to try, but I'm too tired and don't have any patience. I just want one day......no, one afternoon where I can be ME. I love taking care of my baby girl. She is my life, and I love her so much. I just need a break. And since she still nurses, I can't leave her for more than 2 hours at a time. And no that shes going through separation anxiety and stranger anxiety its worse.
And I know that "this too shallpass". I wanted more kids....but I dont know if i can ever go through these things again. I better go check on her...shes screaming in daddys arms.
Comments:
Wow hang in there - I am not sure why you can't leave her for more then 2 hours but that is a personal decision. By this age my son (who never had formula) was drinking water from a cup and having some foods as well - so that meant I could nurse him, leave for a few hours and he had snacks and water to drink - or I pumped if it was going to be more then 3 hours as well.
Another thing that worked for us was putting our son in the stroller and closing it up so that he was in there like a cave, walking around the block - he loved going outside - it just was a change and if we were really lucky he would even fall asleep in there...either way he would quiet down.
One other thing - she might be teething - lots of kids this age are getting teeth and it would make them scream as well from the pain. We did the frozen washcloth thing for my son - he loved it.
Take care!
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It's completely normal to need some YOU time to recharge your energy! I told my DH while at his moms house that I had the kids all day and I needed a break and to this day!!....I haven't heard the end of it! I got a lecture from the MIL about how her son works during the day and is entitled to come home to a clean house, a hot meal, and peace and quiet and that IF he felt like spending time with the kids, he'll do it WHEN he feels like it. I'm now working full time and she still believes it is the mom's responsiblility to work and raise the kids.
It seems like it's taboo or something for moms to say WHOA, I need a break, that in some way they announcing they are weak or a bad parent. I think if you work all day (yes, as a sahm you ARE working) that you are entitled to a break. When you work out of the home, you're entitled to a 30 minute lunch and two 10 minute breaks so why is it if you stay home people act like you don't deserve it? UGH I'm with ya girly and I'm a working mom...you deserve some YOU time!
I was so in your shoes...and I am again with number 4. Not everyone like to nurse. Why not pump? My daughter wouldn't take a bottle until the last few weeks (9months old). She drinks from the breastflow bottle and likes it. It is ok to need a break...My daughter will also drink from a sippy. Maybe you could just sort of schedule nursings and make the remaining time bottles or sippys and be firm.
My 8 month old I usually put her down for bed in her crib and then she comes to bed with me when she first wakes. This given me more time to rest without her nursing all night and keeping me awake. The two year old somtimes goes to bed with us or will sleep at a crib next to our bed. Sometimes I will switch her to the other crib with the 8 month old or sometimes we all sleep in the same bed.
You know what I do? I do what works best for me. I am not totally AP. I go to the meetings and I take what I think works best for me from that. AP parenting is draining. Don't label yourself and give yourself a break. Maybe put your baby down in the afternoon even if she cries. My daughter won't take a nap if I do not put her down. Sometimes she cries for a few minutes, other times just seconds.
You sound like you need a break. Maybe hire a babysitter once a week and just take sometime for yourself or hand her off to hubby after he has had a chance to settle.
thanks ladies for your kind words and advice. I did find out she wasnt screaming with daddy, she was playing, lol. I was even more mad!! I havent pumped in so long, it feels very stressful right now to try to add in a session to my regular nursing routine. I need to build my "just in case" supply back up anyways. I feel much better now that she is actually asleep. Its been a long week. DH has been really busy with work, then he caught my cold and it completely drained him, so i have had close to no help with her. I've been needing some me time for a very very long time. Ever since before my grandfather passed away at the end of february, I have been neggin for some me time. And every time im about to get it someone dies, (no joke weve been to tons of funerals this past year), someone or me becomes ill, or some other emergency happens. ugh.
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It will get better. I have four kids. I nursed all of them. My son nursed until he was 2. I have been there. It will not kill her to spend an afternoon with daddy so you can go somewhere. I highly recommend you going and getting a massage, have a glass of wine, get a pedicure. Do something to pamper yourself. You need to recuperate.
To get mine to sleep in their cribs, I let them fall asleep in my arms and then put them in their cribs. If she wakes up and cries, give her just a couple of minutes. She will most likely go back to sleep. You need to get her in her own bed, because the lack of sleep is what is killing you.
I speak from experience. Go pamper yourself for an afternoon. Try not to even think "mom" thoughts while you are gone. This will pass. You need rest and you need relaxation. And you deserve major kudos for nursing this long. I know so many women who give up within days or weeks because they are too selfish. You are doing an amazing thing for her, and don't forget that.
- maniacalmommy
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