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My brother is getting married???
- May 4, 2008 at 7:00 PM
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- Comments (7) Total Views (189) Everyone can see this journal post.
I was just on the phone with my mom, and she told me that my brother, Glen, is getting married. Needless to say, I'm in shock. This is the guy who scoffed at me when I got engaged to my husband, because marriage is just an antiquated ritual. It's nothing more than a piece of paper. Because I'll just end up divorced anyway. He's the one who thought marriage was something unnecessary and downright stupid. Now he's getting married- and my mom says he sounded pretty excited.
His girlfriend is on her last month of pregnancy- 19 days until her due date, to be exact. This is something else that he never wanted. He didn't want to be just another one of those people, popping out kids in such a horrible world, in a horrible society. Now he's got a daughter on the way, Madeline Olivia, and he's excited about her.
I find out everything that's going on in Glen's life from my mom or his girlfriend, Ashley. I love Ashley, she was my friend before they ever got together. They have been together for five years now. But he and I are not on speaking terms. Why? Because of a stupid MySpace survey (which he had stated before that he hates and doesn't like to read) where I stated that sometimes I wasn't proud of being his sister.
Why should I be? He's callous, rude, hateful, spiteful, and just downright mean most of the time. He has bipolar disorder, and for the longest time refused to except that about himself. I don't know if he's being medicated now, but it sure seems like it from the attitude changes he's had. Of course, his attitude towards me hasn't changed. I'm glad he's changed for her, at least, though. Because this was his attitude at this point in time last year:
"What, and you are? Spitting out children just like everyone else? Allowing yourself to be sucked into domestic mediocrity? Fuck that. Even if my glass is empty, the least I can say is that I've not sold my soul and gone the route of complacency-induced, blissful picket- fence-stupidity. I have better things to do with my time than to please myself with life's pithy little offerings.
Because there is no such thing as good. There is no happiness, just perception and what you make of the world around you. I see filth. I see stupidity. I see a complete lack of worth in everything around. For fuck's sake, every registered sex offender in Douglas county lives within a mile of my house. That should be a good enough example for anyone. Even if my head was in my ass, at least I would have a better view than if it was in the sand.
I don't need help and I especially don't need anyone caring about me. I couldn't give a shit less if there wasn't one single soul out there giving me a seconds thought. I'm not loved, I'm simply tolerated and I'm just fine with that. Who needs that kind of obligation anyway? Who really wants the pressure of having to deal with reciprocating?
Furthermore, of all the things I'm concerned about "being," human isn't one of them. Look at everyone you've ever known and you'll see that you wouldn't mind seeing all but a few of them die violently and for those you spare in your realizations, even fewer will matter more than that. There's no reason to care. Years will go by, people will go, they'll die, they'll fade out of your life in some way and all you'll be left with is a bitter memory. So, piss on it."
This was a direct quote from him. All of this while he was with his girlfriend. That woman is stronger than I, let me tell you what, because I didn't put up with that crap from him. He is not an abusive person, of that I'm sure. He's just bitter for no reason other than his own illness. Of course, that has aparently all changed since he's having a baby and getting married.
I do wish that he would swallow his pride and try to make amends with me now that I'm about to have a neice. But that isn't going to happen. I'm not going to be the one try to make this work. I've tried before, and above is what I get. I have called him an asshole, a self-centered prick, arrogant, maladjusted, told him he needed to pull his head ouf of his ass. I've said all these things to him, but I do not feel that I should have to appologize for it. He IS all of those things. Even he says so. I shouldn't have to appologize for the truth, so who knows what it will be like in the future when I see my to-be-sister-in-law and my niece and bring THEIR neice to see them. I can always be civil with my brother, but he has never seemed to be able to extend that courtesy back.
After saying that I sometimes wish I wasn't his sister, he wrote me to tell me that he wanted nothing to do with me because of it. That was his choice. That was before he was a dad or a husband. I don't know if this will truly change anything. I hope it does, and I hope he can get over himself and get back in touch with me. I doubt it will be any time soon if it does happen.
Comments:
You know, I was never quite as bitter as your brother, but I used to say the same things about marriage and family. Sometimes you just change. Over time, I changed my mind 180'. Your brother's attitude may be evolving. He may be growing. However, it sounds as if he was really hurt by what you said and I doubt he's changed enough to come to you and say he understands where you were coming from. Sometimes though, these things work themselves through without anything being said about the past. Maybe one day you'll both be at the same place with your kids and your differences just won't seem as important as your beautiful children. Lurvses.
It says something that you've saved that KittyKat. It tells me that you do want him to pull his head out of his ass. Although he has a fantastic command of the English language as a whole and obviously remarkable wit, he's an asshole that couldn't be bothered to push it in the right direction. Have you sent that back to him recently? I sure as shit would.
I have similar sentiments as your brother, sometimes, and I've been diagnosed with similar mood disorders. It's a strange thing when your brain just spits crap out, you want to take it back and you even cringe later when you think about what you've done or said. I just want whatever's best for you and your family.
sounds like my sister...now she wants babies with a hunky jewish boy....
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