Saying hey hey hey!!

[flyestmommy]

Sup chicas....

Yeah, I disappeared from cyber life, but I returned for the day.... My pc has been off cuz I work damn near all of the time and I got to prioritize my finances, so I think I can live with a pc for now....

Guess what.. I'm pregnant!!! But to be honest, I'm not all that xcited like the first time... I don't know if it's because I already know what to xpect, or it it just the second baby blues or something.... But yeah, it's by Malia's father so I got 2 babies by the same daddy...... but he's been gettin on my goddamn nerves... I indirectly told him when I was mad that my period hasn't came on and he act like he didn't hear me... But some months back I told him that I might be pregnant and he blatently said that he didn't know if he wanted to have a baby by me right now... but it came out that I wasn't. But I'm for sure now, and I don't know what to do. But if he's gonna be an ass about it, I'm not gonna beg him for support until the baby is born, because he stressed me out so damn bad I wanted to kill him. Between him and my mom were the factors that I had an early pregnancy. I haven't told my mom yet because my sister is pregnant and she's due in the end of july, so I think I will be due around xmas time. So there's 2 preggos in the house. I know this time around I've been really snappy and bitchy and super irritated and the customers at work are really iggin me bad and my manager is a retard. And Malia is going to be 3 on mother's day... That girl is too grown... I have to put up some new pictures.. you wouldn't believe how her lil' grown butt is lookin now... She carries a pocket books (one of many-including mine), my lipgloss that she steals from me, and her sunglasses and wears my stillettos without falling... Oh, and her crazy ass grandma gives her coffee in the morning and she likes looking at the sunday paper looking for a sale I guess. I given birth to a senior citizen in a 3 year old body!!

But I digress....

I'm just really not feeling being pregnant right now because me and Malia's father's relationship has been on the rocks, and I really wanted to get back in a bikini and that's down the drain, and life really sucks right now.... I wish men can have babies... hell her father looks like he's been in his 3rd trimester with his big ass beer belly for 10 years or something...  They just don't understand.. I just hate how it's so easy for them to just kick back and chill if they don't want to engage in being supportive and I don't have a damn choice. Wether I want to keep the baby or not, I"m the one that's gonna have to go through the wringer. I have had an abortion before (please don't judge me because that's a different story in itself) and that was difficult enough to go through and I think about it all the time, so I don't want to go through another one. But I don't want to be pregnant. But I can only blame my self because I didn't use birth control so I can only say that indirectly I was expecting it because I did what I did to have a baby... So I'm taking responsibility but I'm just bitching and venting off..... I'm just gonna have to be a woman about it and go through it.. But honey, um that will be the last bun I"m popping outta my oven cuz I'm getting these tubes knotted up, burned up, and singed off.. Because I can't keep tearing up my lil' ol body I got.... 

Thanks out there for whoever reads, understands, or hears and feels my pain...

Signing off.. Hey to all my mommy friends. can't wait to hear from u again.

flyestmommy

[MsPassionWoman]

May. 5, 2008 at 8:18 PM Hang in there girl, it's all good!

[TheGoverness]

May. 16, 2008 at 10:57 AM You have got to beone of the realest people I have ever encountered. U are one truthful person. I must say that is refreshing. Anyway girlie good luck with new baby and everything will work out so in that congrats and just remember men can not handle that kind of pain they can not even a small cut lol. later