My family is so messed up.  I feel so horrible for my baby sister.  She's still dealing with the loss of her best friend (and so much more).  They were supposed to be graduating together, they were supposed to go to prom together.  My sister is going through all of this and my dad tells her that she has been having a "pity party" for herself ever since Viki died.  How can he be so cruel?  They wouldn't help her with her invitations, my mom wouldn't help her with prom.  She just wanted to spend some time with them and they won't be there for her.  My dad is constantly putting her down...and I know he is b/c he did it to me.  He never points out anything positive unless he's being fake or mocking.  He's so judgemental.  I remember hating myself when I was a child...until I married and moved away b/c nothing I ever did was good enough.  I know he's putting my little sister through the same crap.  I won't even go into everything b/c there is just so much that I could say.  My sister is debating whether she should stay with my parents or move in with my aunt.  She was trying to ask me what to do and I said, "You already know."  I was like, "Where would it be less stressful and healthier for you to live?....the answer is obvious."  I know she feels guilty about it though b/c my parents make us feel that way about anything.  So I told her to stop worrying about them and just take care of herself and do what is best for her.  She talked to my mom about it and my mom is all upset and wants to leave my dad...but we all know she won't.  She's way too dependant on my father.  I don't even see her ever trying to be independant but I wish she would b/c I know she'd feel better about herself if she was more independant.  I just wish things weren't such a mess and that my parents wouldn't put so much on us, especially my little sister who is in her last week of high school--exam week! 

I really just needed to vent b/c I get so angry with my father...I never got along with him growing up.  I honestly can say that I really don't ever remember him being sincere or being nice and actually meaning it.  I just remember him yelling all the time and getting hit with a belt on my bare butt.  I remember hating myself and wanting to die at times.  It's not right for a child to feel like that and I'm going to do my best to make sure my son never feels that way. 

I don't hate my parents.  I love them very much but they are just not who we needed them to be.  My sister needs a mom right now.  She said that I was a mom to her growing up and so was my aunt. She needs a father who can act like he cares about what she is going through. 

Tags: family, issues

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